Harper Time

We made our annual spring pilgrimage to the arboretum when my mom was here two weeks ago. I was sad to see the tulip area was under construction, thus ruining my plans for yearly Harper + tulips photos, but we still enjoyed the beautiful grounds.

Michael has gotten the lion's share of attention lately, both in our day-to-day life and here on this blog, so I thought I would take some time to share a few things/stories about Harper today.

I totally took advantage of my mom's willingness to feed/hold the baby to spend some extra time with Harper. One afternoon we made muffins. I have a 1/4 c. scoop I keep in the flour canister so I told Harper we'd need 7 scoops of flour to make the muffins. She helped count as we added the flour to the bowl. After putting in four scoops she looked up at me and said, "We need three more!"

Smarty pants.

Later that day we were eating the muffins and Harper said, "These muffins are great Mom! They taste just like you and me!"

Huh?


We ate dinner on the patio the other night and Harper was just thrilled about it. As we brought the dishes back inside she exclaimed, "That was a great feast!"


Harper has transitioned into a gymnastics class in which she goes in on her own. Previously her class involved teachers giving instruction and then parents helping their own children through the stations. We weren't sure how the transition would go, but Harper LOVES it. She tries things she wouldn't attempt when we were helping her and she is apparently very well behaved. (Whew!)


One gorgeous night last week I took Harper and Michael to the park after dinner. There were a couple of other kids there and Harper immediately went to make friends.

"I'm Harper and over there (gesturing to the picnic table where I sat with the baby) I have a nice baby named Michael."

The girl replied, "I'm Emma and I have a toddler named Cameron."

Michael should be flattered, she used to introduce herself and then immediately tell other children that she had a dog named Rebound.

During the same park trip I had reminded her not to climb up the slides. Harper and Emma were playing some sort of follow the leader game when Emma started climbing up a slide and told Harper to follow. Harper said, "My mom told me I have to go up the steps," and turned and ran in the direction of the stairs. I know it's a small thing, but I feel like Harper spends a lot of time purposefully doing the direct opposite of what I say that I was really proud of her for not blindly following the other child. On the way home I told her how proud I was. It is nice to have that kind of interaction. I need to remember to pay attention and "catch" her behaving more often.


At dinner the other night we were telling knock knock jokes, sort of. Harper doesn't totally get it and will just use two totally unrelated items in her jokes. For example:

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Cow.

Cow who?

Cow grass! (Cue hysterical laughter.)

I told a joke that went like this:

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Dwain.

Dwain who?

Dwain the tub, I'm dwowning!

Harper didn't actually find that joke funny, but some part of her understood it was supposed to be funny and so she tried to adapt it to her own jokes. For the rest of the night her knock knock jokes ended with, "sinking in the bathtub!" So her first joke would go like this:

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Cow.

Cow who?

Cow grass (long pause) sinkinginthebathtub!!!!

(Sigh. As I type I realize this was so much funnier in person. You'll have to take my word for it.)


I wish more of you could know Harper in person. I think you'd like her. She drives me crazy sometimes, but is impossible for me not to be crazy in love with her.

May 6,2008

58 days ago Michael was born.

Today is my due date.

Woah.

Breast Intentions

Well if the title of this post doesn't tip you off, here is the big, bold TMI warning:

I am now going to talk lots and lots about breastfeeding. If this makes you uncomfortable than feel free to leave and come back another day. Consider yourself warned!!!

The breastfeeding talk will begin after these photos of Michael. . .



When Harper was young we were really lucky in that I had very little trouble breastfeeding her. I think I even managed to realize this at the time. She took to it right away, I produced plenty of milk, and I never had one single complication. The biggest problem we had was keeping her awake to eat enough and that was just at the very beginning. Harper never would take a bottle, so the most difficult part of breastfeeding her was that no one else could ever feed her for the first six months of her life.

Michael has been eating fortified breast milk since birth, which means I have spent lots and lots of time with the breast pump. When he finally got the go ahead to try directly breastfeeding he didn't take to it at all, but he was so little I didn't fret about it too much. Now here we are, he's nearly two months old, and the child has still not taken to breastfeeding.

With the exception of middle of the night feedings, I have offered Michael my breast every time I've fed him, but he was still not getting it at all. Last week we had an appointment with a lactation consultant at the hospital where he was born (totally free, by the way, for babies delivered at that hospital). The lactation consultant helped me work with a nipple shield and at least made a good show of being convinced that Micheal would get the hang of it. Incidentally the pediatrician said that Michael was gaining enough weight that if I wanted to battle him over breastfeeding a bit she wouldn't be worried about him burning too many calories in the process.

So now Michael's feeding time looks a bit like this:

Part One -- Struggle with Michael and the nipple shield. About 40% of the time he just snuggles up to me and falls asleep. About 40% of the time he gets really, really angry and screams. About 20% of the time he seems to actually get some milk from my breast before resorting to one of the other two options.

Part Two -- Feed Michael from a bottle until he seems full. There has yet to be a breastfeeding session where he doesn't take at least another ounce from the bottle, and he usually takes two or more.

Part Three -- More quality time with the breast pump, to make sure the girls were emptied and keep producing milk.

The whole process, when you add in diaper changes, bottle preparation, and cleaning of all the bottles/equipment, can take from an hour and a half to two hours. Michael eats every three to four hours, from the start of the previous feeding. You go right ahead and do the math to figure out how much time that leaves when I am not engaged in feeding or producing milk. Not much!

This is not a sustainable way to live/function for us as a family. Especially on nights when Matt has practice and isn't really home until after Harper is in bed. If it weren't for continued help from our parents we wouldn't even be having this discussion because I would have had to ditch the pump long ago.

Here are my options:

1. Continue things as they are, which is not really much of an option.

2. Forget trying to get Michael to breast feed directly, but continue pumping several times a day so that he can continue to drink breast milk from a bottle.

3. Continue giving Micheal breast milk until our supply of frozen milk is exhausted and then switch to formula.

4. (The Best Possible Scenario) Continue to struggle with the direct breastfeeding until Michael gets it and we are able to ditch the pump and the bottles, at least most of the time.

Here are the reasons to continue feeding Michael breast milk/encouraging him to breastfeed:

1. I had a wonderful experience breastfeeding Harper and I want that bonding/closeness with Michael.

2. There are health benefits for both of us if I breastfeed him.

3. If Michael gets the hang of it we will be able to leave the house and I will have everything I need to feed him without any extra equipment. I loved that I could feed Harper almost anywhere with nothing to prepare or clean up after (diapers not included!).

4. Formula is ridiculously expensive.

5. I have spent so much time pumping to make this possible that I hate to quit now.

6. I really want to do it!

Here are the reasons to say we've tried this long enough and just switch to formula when our supply of milk is exhausted:

1. Unless Michael learns to directly breastfeed soon this just does not seem like a sustainable situation.

2. I spend so much time pumping and feeding him, I am hard pressed to find time to interact with Michael outside of feeding times. I don't feel like I have any time to enjoy my baby because the window of time when I'm not engaged in pumping or feeding I'm frantically trying to do everything else.

3. Under the current circumstances I have very little time to give Harper my full attention or any attention at all.

4. I have found I must pump at least once during the night to keep up my supply which leaves me with even less precious time to sleep.

5. Other people will continue to be able to feed Michael. Matt always takes one of the overnight feedings and that makes a huge difference in my ability to get some sleep.

6. There is at least one moment in every day when I want to collapse in tears because I just can't do this for one more minute.

So what do I do? The lactation consultant would have me give Michael at least another six to seven weeks to transition completely to the breast. The pediatrician says I have to weigh the benefit of breastfeeding against the stress of our current situation and will be totally understanding if I never use the breast pump again.

I am actually asking for advice here. I know that breast milk is the best for babies, but I also know that formula is not poison and may end up being the most realistic option for us. Please chime in here! I am calling on your collective wisdom for some guidance.

(Seriously, if you actually read all the way through this post, you must have formed some opinion. . . spill it!!!)

The Results!

We have a winner! Erin correctly guessed what we used the pictured items for, and it was. . .


getting Vaseline out of Harper's hair! Woo-hoo for Erin, and also, ugh! Erin's guessing was aided by her memory that we have had a previous significant Vaseline incident. (Part of me is surprised more people didn't remember that; Tessie would call you skimmers!) I will be sending Erin a prize (If Erin were getting a gift card, do you think she'd prefer iTunes or Amazon?) I'm thinking that Emily should get a prize as well because her answer made me laugh the hardest. (Chicken pox, ha! And, thankfully, no!)

So here's what went down. . . Around 11 p. m. Monday night my mom (who was blessedly here for the week and is leaving tomorrow, boo hoo) comes into the bedroom holding a half empty and completely goopy tub of Vaseline and says, "I made a big mistake." She had inadvertently left the Vaseline on the nightstand when she put Harper to bed. Harper had enjoyed spreading it thoroughly all over one stuffed bear, her bedding, her headboard, her pajamas, and her head. Miraculously spared was a book of barnyard stories she'd been "reading" sometime during her busy night of getting in bed, smearing Vaseline all over, and falling asleep. We remove what we can without waking her and decide just to deal with the rest in the morning.

Tuesday morning Harper walks into our bedroom around 6 a.m. and says, "I put Vaseline all over my bear." I miraculously refrain from screaming and instead say, "Don't touch anything!" ushering her into the bathroom. There she is stripped of her saturated pajamas and plopped into the bathtub where the water beads up on her skin and multiple kinds of shampoo have no effect whatsoever on the petroleum jelly in her hair. My mom glommed her hair into pigtails and sent her off to school. We totally missed the opportunity to make some serious Pippy Longstocking braids. Harper's hair was so slick/stiff/greasy that we didn't so much brush or comb it as mold it.

While Harper was at school I decided to Google "removing Vaseline from hair" and got a batch of rather dubious suggestions, although one did turn out to be helpful. I also called the Vaseline company and wrote down their suggestion for removing the stuff from a person's hair.

Things the Internet suggested which did not work, and the order in which we tried them:

1) Baby Oil

In theory the application of baby oil was supposed to give the Vaseline something else to bind to and then be able to be washed out with regular shampoo. This did not work at all and I believe actually made things worse. Note to self: try to refrain from setting aside common sense when taking advice from the Internet.

2) Vinegar

This was also not helpful, stunk, freaked Harper out by stinking, but at least didn't make anything worse.

3) Ivory Dish Soap

While it may have washed the vinegar smell out of Harper's hair, it also had no effect whatsoever on the petroleum jelly/baby oil fiasco.

4) Baking Soda

Here we are back to the theory of giving the Vaseline something else to bind to. In hindsight this might have worked better if we'd put it on dry hair. It took a good half a box of baking soda dumped with desperation on Harper's head before deciding that maybe that wasn't working so well either.

Document A: A photo of Harper's wet hair with baking soda ineffectively worked into it.

We resisted the temptation to pour more vinegar over her head once it was covered with baking soda (Hello grade school science experiment!). More difficult to resist? Pouring lemon juice on it.

5) Lemon Juice

Harper hated the sensation of the bubbles caused by a lemon juice + baking soda treatment. (We should have made this more tolerable by warming the lemon juice a bit.) The adults involved (me, my mom, and Ann who had stopped by to drop some things off) were unfortunately highly encouraged by all the bubbles. Surely we were breaking up that darn Vaseline now!

6) Coke

What? I know! We were desperate, my back was sore from bending over the tub for an hour straight, Harper was getting cranky. Why not Coke? One of the sites suggested it, I think.

7) Dawn Dish Soap

Because it's not the same as Ivory. Our particular bottle of Dawn also had oxy action! And still didn't work!

We begin to think about shaving Harper's head. I'm actually not kidding.

We dry Harper's hair, well as much as we think it can be dried, and then put her down for a nap. I call several local salons and kiddie hair cut places, every last one suggests Dawn dish soap. I take Michael for an appointment at the hospital and ask several nurses what to do, again with the dish soap suggestions!

Finally, Tuesday evening, we try the magic combination of materials and steps which will ultimately do the trick. Without further ado, here is the proven method for removing copious amounts of Vaseline from very thin three-year-old hair:

1) Generously coat dry hair with corn starch.

2) Wrap corn starched hair with plastic wrap.

3) Apply heat with hair dryer for ten minutes.

4) Wash corn starch from hair with Dawn dish soap.

5) Apply more Dawn dish soap.

6) Wrap soapy hair with plastic wrap.

7) Apply heat with hair dryer for ten minutes.

8) Rinse.





We ended up doing this twice, but the second time we did not use the hair dryer we just let her plastic wrapped head sit for ten minutes. After the second treatment, Harper's hair was pretty much back to normal.

*****
I once had a high school English teacher praise me for being succinct, let's hope he isn't reading!

*****

Also from the vat of home remedies:

We are giving a constipated Michael the occasional ounce of diluted prune juice. This is under our doctor's advice, of course.

*****

It has taken me nearly three days to complete this post, including the last half hour of one-handed typing. Even with an extra adult in the house I can't seem to get anything accomplished!

Game Time

(No fair guessing if you know the answer from talking with me!)

Leave a comment if you care to guess what I used each of these things for today.

They were all used for the exact same purpose.

In no particular order:

baby oil
vinegar
lemon juice
baking soda
coke
dish detergent (two different varieties)
corn starch

If someone guesses the scenario correctly, there may be a prize!

Guesses due by Thursday, May 1st, at 10 p.m. Good luck.

Siblings

There are a lot of factors to consider when you decide how many children you'd like to have. To be honest, before we had kids at all, Matt and I thought we'd like a bigger family, maybe three or four kids (go ahead and laugh). Being parents to Harper was different from anything we'd imagined in so many ways (I thought I'd be much better at this mom thing!) and some of our thinking started to shift about what a good size for our family might be. So we hemmed and hawed a bit about the right spacing/timing and number of children to have, ultimately deciding on at least one more. Enter Michael.

There is something both exciting and scary about adding another child to the family dynamic and I knew, in my heart of hearts, that part of the reason I wanted another child was to give Harper a sibling. I know they won't always get along perfectly, but I hope Michael and Harper become close as they grow and end up seeing each other as the blessings we know they are.

Just before this photo, Harper asked Michael to make a silly face.

Here Harper is enacting some kind of scene from The Lion King.

We'll have to work on her propping ability.

Harper is playing "This Little Piggy" with Michael's toes; this may be one of the sweetest things I've ever witnessed.

I have been asked a lot whether Harper is enjoying being a big sister. If she's upset about it, she's only taking it out on us, not on Michael. It is difficult for her right now, because adult attention is in short supply, but she really does love her brother.

On the few occasions we've all been in the car Harper will offer reports from the back seat about what Michael is doing. "His face looks like this!" she'll say, and then squish her eyes shut to show us.

When Michael cries, she'll lean over the pack n' play and say, "Shhh, buddy, don't cry, the big sister is here." She also likes to tell him, "It's okay sweetheart."

Before I settled in to pump (for the millionth time) the other day, I asked Harper if she wanted to bring some toys into the room. "That's okay Mom," she said, "I'll just watch Michael."

I still feel the weight of this adjustment and find myself hanging on by a thread at many points during the day, but watching Harper with her brother makes me feel like our family is exactly as it is supposed to be.

The Least I Can Do

. . . is offer some more pictures.






It was just too beautiful not to go outside (the day we took these photos) but sheesh! even getting out into our own front yard for fifteen minutes felt like an ordeal. We're doomed!

That Time Again

Spring 2006

Spring 2007

Spring 2008

If I want to take this same picture again next year, it looks like I'll need to plant some new daffodils. What happened to them???

Still Here

My mom left this morning and we are still marching forward.

Matt's mom picked Harper up from school, took her to lunch, and got her to gymnastics tonight as I, apparently, can only manage one child at a time. I am thinking (hoping, praying) this will change -- not the fact that they are willing to help us, but rather my ability to parent both of my children.

Some photos so you know we are, in fact, alive over here:


Harper picked that mask from the Halloween store last October. She was there with Matt while I hosted a book club at our house. She discovered the mask when we were cleaning out closets to get the bedrooms switched. Lovely.


Here's Michael in a photo taken today, six days beyond the one month mark. Something I wished I'd done with Harper was take a monthly photo of her in the same spot to sort of document her growth. Even though I missed one month exactly, I thought I could still make an attempt with Michael. This is probably a terrible thing to say about your child, but when he lays with his arms and legs like that? I can't help but notice a resemblance to a Butterball turkey, if you were getting a turkey to feed only two people.

We had a check with the pediatrician yesterday and Michael now weighs 6 pounds, 2 ounces. So at least he's eating. I can't manage to do much else, but I am managing to fatten up the baby.

How Do People Do This?

Here is the picture of Harper holding Michael for the first time, yesterday morning. Too bad she's not happy about it, huh?

The only reason I have enough energy or time to update this blog at all is that my mom arrived here Wednesday afternoon. Thank the Lord!!!

Let's recap:

Michael comes home Tuesday evening. Matt is home and takes one of the overnight feedings.

Matt leaves for work Wednesday morning.

Nana picks Harper up and takes her to school. She also picks her up from school and takes her to lunch so I can take a little nap while Michael naps.

I feed Michael his 1:00 feeding.

Harper gets into bed for her nap.

I cuddle up to the pump. As soon as I start pumping both children start crying and the "loose lead" alarm on Michael's monitor goes off.

By the time my mom arrives I am basically in hysterics, having resigned myself to the impossibility of one person taking care of two children. Thank goodness I never had twins.

I am pondering ways to get my mother to stay here until Michael turns one. But I think she's leaving on Tuesday.


I have serious reservations about my ability to get anywhere on time, ever again.


Also in doubt:

-my ability to get dinner on the table

-my ability to shower

-my ever feeling rested again

-Harper getting any attention in the next few months



They make it look worth it, don't they?

*****

Back in November we planted a bunch (dozens) of bulbs that are just now starting to come up in the yard. Every day brings new blooms. Harper loves to update me on which ones have, in her words, "bloomed up." She also raises her arms in a circular motion above her head every time she talks about blooming. Today she told me, "Mom, that flower by the porch step bloomed up, it's all made!"

Are Words Necessary?

A Great Visit

First of all, Michael is doing just fine. His belly full of gas turned out to be just a belly full of gas and not a predictor of some dire situation. Thank goodness. Other than making him good and mad by halting his feeding for about 18 hours and then s-l-o-w-l-y bringing it back to where it was, he has survived unscathed.

When I went to visit him this morning I found out they had lifted the visitation restriction, put in place during cold and flu season, which meant we could bring Harper to the hospital to meet her brother! She was thrilled to bring along the stuffed dog she purchased for him back in February (when we thought he might be born any day).


But she was even more thrilled just to see Michael in person. She tried to hold his hand and gently pat his head. She exclaimed over how little he is and laughed at every little sound or move he made.



As we walked back through the halls toward the parking garage Harper said, over and over again, "That was a great visit!"


We really will be okay.

Four Weeks

Michael was born four weeks ago today.

He is a blessing and been such a trooper. One day soon (very soon, oh please) he'll be home. And then we can start figuring out how our new family configuration will work. We can find a new rhythm for our family of four all under one roof. It will be difficult and scary, but it has to be better than the past four weeks.

I sometimes feel like I'm just scratching the surface of how I really feel about all of this. About the pregnancy complications and Michael's being born so early, about the back and forth from the hospital and the worry and the uncertainty.

We're supposed to have another month, four more weeks, before he's even born and yet he's four weeks old today.

Four weeks in which I have learned an entire language full of terms I never cared to know about.

Four weeks of late night phone calls to near-strangers to find out how my baby is.

Four weeks of learning to navigate a hospital that was once a maze to me. Now I believe I could lead tours there in my sleep. My feet walk on automatic pilot to the parking garage, the cafeteria, the rooms where the breast pumps are kept. I know what the paintings look like outside the elevators on each floor. I know where I have to wave my hand in front of a sensor to open a door, where I have to push a button, where I just keep walking and the doors open on their own. I know the patterns of the carpet and the tile in too many hallways.

After four weeks of this strangeness, this apartness, I wonder how I'll get to feeling normal again. Stable. Not be holding my breath, ready for some unforeseen disaster to come strolling around the corner. Not need so much help.

I am surprised, stunned, by the random things that upset me.

In the parking garage elevator, a woman complains about how difficult it is to get to the doctors' offices in the hospital. She's says, offhandedly, how she's glad she only has to come once a year. Tears spring to my eyes as I think of the number of times I've been there in a month.

American's Funniest Home Videos is on television tonight and we see a woman reading a card at Christmas, finding out she is going to have another grandchild. I cry thinking of how we'll never make that kind of announcement again.

As I'm rocking Michael this afternoon, careful not to bother his IV or the suction tube keeping his stomach empty, it suddenly occurs to me that we never took a picture when I was pregnant with him. Not one in which you could see that I was pregnant. I remember posing in the kitchen, big-bellied and full of nervous excitement, the morning we went to the hospital to have Harper. No one thinks to hurry up and take that picture when you are only 27 weeks. The nurse notices my tears and leaves me a box of tissues.

I feel like I should say something uplifting now, like how wonderful it is that we got to meet Michael and see his sweet face for all this extra time. . . but mostly I just feel cheated out of the way this should have been.

The Plans, They Change

So we were getting all set to bring Michael home on Monday. The plan was that he would come home with a monitor, just to be on the safe side, but we were really getting ready to have him here.


Then I got a phone call from the doctor tonight. The head of the NICU doctor. Were we to make a list of people you prefer not to receive unexpected phone calls from, his name would be very near the top. When he announced himself on the phone I felt as though the floor had been pulled from under me.

But Michael is probably fine. His abdomen was somewhat distended this evening. The nurse was troubled by this and they did some further evaluations. An x-ray revealed nothing more than some extra gas; however, in preemies (all newborns?) excess gas can be a sign of an infection.

The decision was made that he needed to be watched more closely. So back to the NICU Michael has gone. He's also not allowed to eat for the time being (probably at least 24 hours, he'll be soooo mad!), and has won himself a new IV and a tube into his stomach to suction out any extra gas or leftover food. Poor baby. I'm going to go see him in the morning, as usual, and he'll probably be plenty hungry by then. I guess his labs looked okay tonight, but they will do another x-ray and more labs tomorrow and reevaluate things. I guess Michael is just not sure he is ready to say goodbye to the hospital.

He is still growing like a weed and I'm really praying this doesn't set him back too much. He weighed just over 5 lbs. 4 oz. yesterday, when I took these photos. I tried to get another with the cell phone, so you might be able to tell better how he's grown, but it might be too different from the earlier one (which is underneath) to really offer a good comparison.


More wait and see. Which has kind of been the story of these last two months. You'd think it gets easier after a while. . . not so much.

Looking Up

Ready for the latest? Michael is doing well on many fronts. Tuesday night he had another significant desat while eating. He is fine, but the doctors are watching him closely and have said he'll not be coming home until at least Monday. This is going to sound horrible, but that was a huge relief for me. I was really concerned he wasn't ready to come home this week, and apparently Michael felt the same way and decided to communicate that in no uncertain terms! But he's been in a crib since Tuesday night and seems to be holding his temperature well. The doctor doing rounds yesterday told me the desat thing is common because all of a sudden we are asking him to do so many things: drink all his feeding from a bottle, hold his own temp, etc. Man, it's hard work being a baby!



I'm sure it is difficult to get any sense of his size from those photos, but he is looking so big to me these days. Today I just couldn't get over how round his face looked. Michael is on his way to a baby double-chin, can you believe it? My idea of baby size is totally warped right now because his 5 lbs. 3 oz. seem enormous.

It was sunny here yesterday and last night I actually took a couple of hours "off" to attend my book club. The combination of some sunshine and a couple of hours laughing and chatting with women I really like ended up being a huge boost to my mood. Between being tethered to the breast pump and spending several hours a day (most days) at the hospital, it has been a challenge not to be mentally bogged down by everything. It was really a good thing to take a step back last night. There's nothing like discussing fictional characters' issues to get your out of your own head!

And now a picture of Harper's life these days:


When we're home alone together I make her pick toys to play with on the floor of our room while I pump. She's been pretty agreeable about it so far. Harper loves this toy computer Uncle Joe gave her for Christmas. That computer is one of several toys that are easy for her to drag in and out of the bedroom, thank goodness!

I think Harper has decided to re-accept her post as big sister. We were having some "issues" with stuffed animals today (don't ask) and there was a point at which I threatened to just get rid of them. She burst into tears and said, "You have to leave some for Michael!" Sigh. Maybe we'll keep them after all.

No April Fool

Okay, first of all, I really can't say enough thanks for all the supportive comments, emails and cards/letters I/we have been getting about everything we're going through. I cannot fathom getting through this time without feeling that net of support, both from our nearby friends and family and those who are cheering us on from far away. I am having a terrible time responding appropriately right now, but know that all your words really are helping and are so appreciated.
The best promise I can make is that I will remember how all your reaching out helped us through and I will look for opportunities to "pay it forward."

I think our whole family is a little on edge because I'm having a difficult time right now. I mean we are all having a difficult time, but my difficult time seems to manifest itself in crying jags that last 20 out of 24 hours a day. I think I'm okay, I'm just a crier, and this is hard, so I'm crying even more than usual. I expect it to level out within two months of Michael's homecoming; either that or I'll need to be treated for dehydration.

*****
Here are some pictures of Harper showcasing her best Easter egg. This was the first year we dyed eggs and I'm really sorry we didn't have the camera handy because the look of sheer wonder on her face when she dropped the tablet into the lemon juice and watched the color change. . . it was one of those truly magical moments. Her favorite part was dying the last egg, when we just let her switch it from one color to another and eventually followed her directions to pour the colors together.

I took these photos before she ate that special egg, it seemed like it deserved recording.

(Harper was trying to do all these weird poses for the egg picture. . . she's getting to that age where some of the cute gets lost in her own strange ideas about what she's trying to look like!)

Unfortunately, a few minutes into the eating of said egg, Harper got up to use the bathroom and Rebound finished it off. Harper was sad, but then agreed to eat a nearly-as-lovely pink egg. She told me that next year, when we make all the beautiful eggs, we'd have to send Rebound to the pound until we were finished eating them. She takes her eggs very seriously.

*****

I hadn't posted a new picture of Michael in a while, so I took one today while I was holding him. He looks huge to me! He broke the 5 pound barrier today, weighing 5 lbs., 1/4 oz. this morning. That means he's gained nearly a pound in the last three weeks. He'll be a giant before we know it.