Sunday, August 21, 2011

Big Sigh

Okay, so, Tuesday is the first day of school. The first day of first grade. Which means our first experience with all day school and lunch at school. Lunch in the school cafeteria where peanut butter and jelly is a menu choice every single day. Deep breath.

I'm going to do my allergy fretting/freak out right now in an attempt to let go of it before that first day.

The people at Harper's school have been great partners in this endeavor - setting up a peanut free table and making time for the children to wash their hands after lunch before going back to the nut free classroom. Harper will always have her EpiPens with her for any time that those other precautions aren't enough. Still, it is going to be mighty difficult to let her go and trust that everything is going to be okay.

Some people with food allergies have to ingest their allergen to have a reaction - others can react from the presence of their allergen in the air. Harper, to the best of our knowledge, falls somewhere in between these two extremes. We know she has had contact reactions in the past - so she is affected by merely touching peanut residue - hence the table and the hand washing. One frustrating question I have repeatedly been asked, by very well-intentioned people, is how far away Harper has to stay from peanut butter to be safe. I don't know the answer to this - since we have spent much of the last five years avoiding peanuts as thoroughly as possible. You can imagine, then, why it feels so crazy to send her into an environment where she'll be sort of surrounded by people eating peanut butter on a daily basis.

Every allergic family has a different comfort zone based on a combination of instinct, medical advice, and personal experience. On the spectrum our comfort zone is pretty tight.  We proceed with fairly extreme caution in most circumstances and are constantly weighing the desire not to limit Harper's life with the desire to keep her safe. (We're really all doing that all the time, aren't we?)

Preschool, kindergarten, each new step has felt terrifying - but we survived.

First grade is next - I guess it is time to take a deep breath and jump.



10 comments:

Giselle said...

I can't even imagine. It's a step that has to be taken...you are such a strong and wonderful mother to not just keep her in a bubble and homeschool her forever.

I'll be thinking of you guys this week-

Emily said...

Hugs, Kelsey! You are brave and strong and have done such a great job handling all of this. I'm glad that the school is being accomodating. I hate that it has to be such a stressor for you in the whole school thing. As if there weren't enough to stress about!

Sara said...

Sending you hugs! Thinking of you and hope she has an amazing time in first grade!

bluedaisy said...

I echo the words above that you are an awesome mom & doing everything you can to help keep Harper safe as you take each new step. Fingers crossed that everything will work out smoothly.

Erin said...

This is me, giving you a big hug.

Not only have you worked hard & done everything you can to make school safe for Harper, but also Harper is such a smart cookie. She knows better how to keep herself safe than most kids her age.

Thinking of you guys big time this week...

Katharine said...

It's so frustrating you have to deal with this at all. I actually thought most schools were nut and peanut free these days as a matter of course. Which shows how much I don't know.

That picture choked me up a bit. So much joy in that girl! Great photo.

Kate said...

Oh, Kelsey. I can't imagine how crazy you must feel. I'm freaking WITHOUT the life-threatening allergy issue. I bet once her friends know about it, nobody will pack pbj because they are going to want to sit at her table. That's what happened at a couple of the schools I visit. Let us know how it goes. We'll be thinking of you.

Heather said...

I'll be so anxious to hear how school goes. I can't imagine the anxiety you must feel, but I know you've done all you can to educate Harper and the staff. Know I'll be thinking about you both as school starts.

CARRIE said...

I know that you can't always know when peanuts have been around, but based on how Harper reacted to the clown, I know she is aware and smart and sensitive and reacts in earnest. So hopefully having her as your child will help eliminate a lot of your worry. You have done a tremendous job helping her know what she needs to know in order to be safe.

Marie Green said...

Oh, man, just catching up. Hope it went well and continues to go well. And I hope Harper doesn't have to eat alone everyday!