Any Guesses?

Today several family members are coming over to celebrate Harper's 9th birthday. I followed her seemingly simple request for a cake this year. Once again, I have over-estimated my ability to draw with frosting! I really don't like the taste of fondant but I may have to rethink that one of these years. Oh well... The purple polka-dot candies were a nice (nut-free!) touch. 

Can you tell what it is?

Bedtime Music

When I was in high school a friend's older sister had a mix tape that was like a magic bullet for falling asleep. I think we called it, "The Sleep Tape." I used it several times when I was all wired and couldn't settle down (I think this is a night owl trait) and never successfully listened to the entire A side or the entire B side without drifting off to sleep. I was thinking that it might be nice to make a CD or playlist version of that cassette or something similar. I have a ton of mellow music that I think could be powerfully sleep inducing if combined correctly...

Two nights ago Michael was sitting in a chair in my bedroom while I folded laundry. I put a CD in and walked out of the room for a minute. When I came back he looked like this:

The CD was Joshua Radin's We Were Here, in case you want to induce sleep in any of your children, you might give it a try.

That picture, by the way, was taken at 6:50 p.m. I got him into his pajamas and into bed by 7:00 and he didn't get up until 7:00 the next morning. I guess he was tired. 

And I know where to begin with that playlist.

In the Kitchen

As I was preparing our dinner tonight I was struck by this thought about the year I spent working...

If you are anything like me, the first time you try a new recipe it feels a little cumbersome and awkward. Maybe it seems like more trouble that it's worth. You don't mind the process, exactly, but as you are doing it that first time, you are already thinking that this recipe might not be a keeper.

However, if dinner turns out really well, and even 3/4 of the people around your dinner table enjoy it, you might give it another try. Eventually it becomes a family favorite and you can make it without even glancing at the recipe. That first time you made it is sort of a foggy memory and you laugh a little at your past-self for finding it so challenging.

The time I spent working last year? It felt like making the recipe for the first time every. single. day.

Photogenic

Earlier this month I wrote about going to have our photos taken at an arboretum near our house. A couple of weeks ago we got to see a few sneak peek photos on Facebook, but tonight we were able to click through all the images on the photographer's website. Oh my...

I am still not a fan of having my photo taken but I love the job Danielle did of capturing our family. I am going to hold off on linking to her website right now, just in case you can see our last name with the photos. HOWEVER if we know you already please ask for her information and I will share, I will also share it on Facebook eventually.

Here is one of my favorites of the children:

(Taken by Danielle)

I cannot say enough good things about working with Danielle. I hope she keeps taking photos in our area for a long, long time because we certainly plan to work with her again.

UPDATE: Danielle did a clever thing on her website and just called us, "Midwest Mom's Family" no last name needed.! You can find her online at Chocolate Pudding Moments.

At Nine

Dear Harper,

I'm afraid today wasn't your favorite birthday ever. Last night ended with you in your room, crying, talking, crying some more, until about 10. You were already declaring that you didn't want today to be your birthday, saying you knew it would be a bad day. Poor girl.

I think you were having some moments of feeling overwhelmed. You've been a busy girl this year, with lots of time devoted to extra curricular activities. Activities you've loved, but I think they've also had you feeling a little un-moored, missing some of the family time that we've sacrificed.

And then today turned out not to be so bad, until we were getting ready to leave your grandparents house and ended up huddling in their pantry when we realized the tornado sirens were going off. You lost your mind a little bit and I take 100% blame for that because you most definitely inherited/learned your storm anxiety from me.

Dance is pushing you this year, really pushing, because of the time it takes up and because it is forcing you to feel physical limitations you haven't noticed before. It's actually kind of remarkable that you are a competitor in only your third year of dancing (at six, you apparently got a late start...), but all you are feeling right now is that you are not as accomplished as some of your peers.

As much as I hate to see you upset I also know how much you are growing from this experience. Things have come easily for you in the realm of school and you don't have a lot of practice with not excelling. The truth is, as wonderful as you are in so many ways, you just aren't going to excel at everything. The sooner you learn this, the better. Although I suspect you'll actually have to learn it over and over again.

While it has been the source of some frustration for you, I have loved watching you dance this year. I have been so impressed by your poise and how quickly you make adjustments. You are learning all the time. I hope you are able to find some patience for yourself and not drop it at the end of this year because of the challenge. However, if you decide you don't want to compete and you want to take class just for fun, we will love and support that, too.

At nine-years-old you are already practicing the art of eye-rolling, foot stomping, and door slamming. We argue over the state of your room, your attitude toward your brother, your propensity to leave your things strewn throughout the house, and whether your hair should be up or down. The teenage turmoil... it is coming.

I'm cringing at some of the moody changes in you, despite knowing how necessary and unavoidable they are, but I'm also really enjoying the things we can share as you mature. We've been watching movies together - some favorites from this year include Hook, Fairy Tale: a True Story, and The Princess Bride. And we've been reading fun books together, we just finished Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone tonight. We play interesting games (Pretty, Pretty Princess might be a thing of the past for good) and have thoughtful conversations. You are developing a quick wit and sarcasm like your father possesses. This is probably not great in your third-grade classroom, but I bet it is something your friends will enjoy about you when you're older.

Nine was one of my favorite years as a child. When I was nine I sort of felt the responsibility of getting older, but I still felt free to enjoy lots of childhood things. As we find our way throughout this next year, I will commit to remembering this and do my best to give you plenty of space to just be a child. I will remind myself to be patient with both of us. And I will make sure to just sit with you once in a while so you can still climb up in my lap, curl into my arms, lay your head on my shoulder, and hear me whisper, "I love you," whenever you need it. Because I do, and I know you will always need me to tell you.

I love you, Harper.

Love,
Mom

Elf-Help and Pre-Pre-Teenage Breakdown

First of all, let me just issue a friendly reminder... IF you choose to Elf on the Shelf things this year, please accept this gift of permission for your elf to just show up and then show up somewhere different the next day. If you are the type of person who likes to use your elf to create a mischievous holiday tableau day after day, by all means, do. But if you aren't - do not let Pinterest shame you!

This message brought to you by the Society For Sane Parents.

*****

Ho-boy did we have ourselves a melt-down of epic proportions this evening. It started with our sort of ongoing battle over the state of Harper's room - which seems to swing wildly back and forth between perfectly clean and holy $hit did a small tornado tear through the corner of the house?! She has, I fear, more than the typical child propensity to leave things all over the place. I find her socks throughout the house. Or gum wrappers in her desk drawer - when there is an actual trash can beneath the very desk! It is perplexing to say the least. 

I get that some of this is human nature - she is less concerned with order in her surroundings than I am. And I have really, REALLY tried to temper my expectations for what happens in her bedroom because, well, it isn't MY room. But things have reached a point where I really feel like if we don't insist on some basic skills like, I don't know, not dropping things wherever you happened to be finished with them and walking away, we're going to be seeing her on a hoarding show in about twenty years. 

Is this a nine-year-old thing? A kid thing? Or just a Harper thing? My bet is at least a little on the latter because I have been picking her socks up from all over the house since 2005.

37

Yesterday I turned 37 years old.

It was a quite birthday. Matt and I were actually supposed to take Harper to Columbus to celebrate her birthday, just the three of us. Unfortunately both Matt and Harper were feeling a little under the weather so we decided to postpone the trip.

Instead we got into our jammies and snuggled under several layers of blankets and watched two movies in a row. The first was Despicable Me and the second was The Princess Bride.

Despicable Me was Harper's choice. The Princess Bride was mine - and it was a first viewing for Harper and possibly for Matt as well. At least he doesn't remember seeing it... The Princess Bride is my absolute favorite movie.  Harper's verdict was that she liked it but had trouble understanding a lot of what they were saying. Was it the accents? The late 80's dialogue? Who knows. Matt felt it necessary to comment on the acting, which he found sub-par. (What?) Harper also though it looked like it was definitely an old movie...Matt might be a lost cause, but I bet it will grow on Harper as she gets older.

All-in-all it wasn't a bad way to spend my birthday.

Doors

How about some home improvement updates? While it isn't anything horribly exciting, we recently had our exterior doors replaced. Here are some before and afters...

The main front door:

Interior before... notice the lovely stained glass window... the panes are sitting in our basement if you want them. This door was a pain because you needed a key to lock and unlock it, even from inside. And it swelled in the summer so you couldn't lock or unlock it at all. (It was locked for three months.)

New door! With locks that work easily! Now that the door functions we took some furniture out of that space - it used to have a small book shelf and desk, and can actually use it as an entry way.

Here's the old door from outside... 

And the new front door we can actually use!

The secondary front door - next to the garage:

This is the door we use most often - the coat hooks were cleaned off to get ready for the door guys.

The new door works great and lets in a little light.

The old door from outside, this is where most everyone came into the house and probably still will after nearly nine years of building the habit.

The comparison would be better if I had taken the photos from the same angle, oh well. Here's the new door.

The patio door:

This door goes out to the back patio and yard - it's an important one because it is the door we use to let the dog in and out 95% of the time. The dead bolt on this one stopped working a while ago so we had to keep the door knob locked and try not to lock ourselves out when we used the back yard.  A nail in the frame for the storm door would frequently work loose and the door would get stuck on it, making it impossible to open or close. That was fun.

The new door, also in working order, it's amazing how happy this makes me.

And the patio door from outside... 

The new door is pretty and functional, and, so far, we never have to be worried that it won't open!

We also replaced the door that leads into the backyard from the garage, but I didn't take before pictures of that one... the door was actually splintering and warped at the bottom from the weather exposure. All the doors we replaced were original wooded doors and were about 60 years old. The new ones have a lifetime warranty, so this is one project we're hoping to be sort of done with forever. 

Now we just need to replace all of the (46!) windows, repave the driveway, renovate both bathrooms, have the roof replaced, finish the basement... 

Oops

I guess it's no surprise that I'm having a little trouble with the every-day-ness of blogging every day this month. My goal at this point is just to have the correct number of posts for November, and I'll do two in a day when I've missed here or there. Ok?

Why is it so hard?

The writing part of it isn't too bad, but last night, and earlier this week, I hadn't done it all day and I just forgot before I went to bed.

I have definitely been a little taken aback at how easily my time has filled up even though I'm not working this year. To be fair, some of that is just personal pursuits, like exercising semi-regularly and doing a little writing. But where does the rest of it go:

-Even with the kids' crazy schedules we've had fairly regular homemade meals, which also takes time.

-There's the sort of endless lather-rinse-repeat cycles of preparing and cleaning up from meals, packing lunches, loading and unloading the dishwasher, etc.

-I like to think our laundry is a little less behind than it was last year, and the sheets are being changed more frequently.

-The children have their homework and projects completed on time (and they usually remember to hand them in) and we haven't missed any major deadlines for field trips or fundraisers.

-Our appointments have been scheduled in a more timely manner, and kept.

-And I have volunteered at school on a weekly basis. And stayed on top-ish of my PTO duties.

-I'm substitute teaching here and there, an average of once a week.

I suppose the point I'm trying to make, for myself as much as anyone else, is that I am doing a lot but I'm maybe not keeping my house as clean as I thought I would...

Nugget

Michael: Mom! They got these words wrong!

Me: What's wrong with them?

Michael: Only the first letter is supposed to be upper case!

On Veteran's Day

I will admit, with shame, that for a large part of my life I didn't give much thought to Veteran's Day, despite having several relatives who have served our country over the years.

Of course I am thankful for all the men and women who put their lives on the line to protect our country. And I am thankful for the spouses, children, and families who sacrifice right alongside those who serve our country.

Today I am especially thankful for my brother-in-law, Jason, and all he has given:

July 27, 2013

Happy Veteran's Day. Thank you.

My Other Job

Carrie commented on my last post, about our school event, that those types of events and some PTO roles are like full-time jobs... I can't argue with her.

Last year I was technically one of the co-presidents of our school PTO. I say, "technically," because I was so busy with my paying full-time job, and keeping up with my family, that my co-president actually did about 90% of the work. This year I am trying to make up for lost time and working hard to level the burden - though she's knows better what she's doing so I fear she's still bearing the brunt of the load...

I try, really try, not to complain about being busy with PTO business. After all, taking on this volunteer role was a choice I made. I genuinely feel good about the work we do to support the teachers and students at our elementary school. I believe my presence in the school is good for my children. I think being involved in this work is helping me hone skills and make connections that may be beneficial in the future.

I think this level of volunteering, whether for a school or another organization, can also have some of the same frustrations that I have found in parenting. Often the work is sort of thankless, done with great time and effort behind the scenes and taken a little for granted. Every time something is finished you turn around to find a pile of next things waiting. There are pieces of it that you can put on the back-burner for a while but eventually that gets you in trouble, especially if there isn't someone else ready to jump in and pick up some of the slack. The amount of time I put in occasionally inconveniences other members of the family and, from time to time, has caused stress in our family relationships.

Matt and I always talk about taking these volunteer positions on a case-by-case basis and reevaluating each year. But there is also some pressure to continue, not because there is something so special about me that qualifies me for this job, but because I don't know who will step up to fill a vacancy. And it isn't that other people can't do it - tons of people could, but not many will.

The volunteer herd feels thinner than it was a few years ago when I started. Some who have given a great deal of their time have decided they need to step back, drawing clearer lines and saying, "No," more often. I respect that, I just hope we can find people to step up and fill those spots, big and small.

I just hope that each person will sort of step up to give what he or she can - all the help, big and small, is appreciated.

And it's only fair to acknowledge the jobs that other people do that I am not willing to take on right now: teaching religious education, coaching little kid sports teams, selling the spirit wear for our dance studio... It takes a village!


I am hoping to keep a sense of balance, bear in mind that volunteer hours don't entitle me to any special treatment, and be patient when I feel like there aren't enough people doing enough to help. We're all doing what we can, right?

P.S. I didn't remember NaBloPoMo until I was in bed last night, so we'll just count this post for yesterday?

School Spirit

Tonight we had our annual family dinner at my children's elementary school. It is an enormous event. We served dinner to about 400 people tonight. And dinner is just one part of it.

The committee for this dinner had our first meeting back in August. So we've been working on it for about three and a half months.

There are various elements to the dinner - the food, of course, but also raffle baskets, silent auction baskets, a "mitten tree", and carnival games for kids in the gym.

We solicit local businesses and school families for donations, recruit volunteers, and then set up and clean up the event. 

The dinner itself only lasts two hours, but several hours a night for the last week volunteers were at school in the evening organizing the raffle and auction items and wrapping the baskets:

We ended up with about 90 items between the raffle and the auction:

raffle tables

auction baskets against the far wall

Here's Michael playing the "Blinko" game in the gym:

When all is said and done all of those hours (I was at school for 10 hours today) and all that effort raised some money that will help our PTO continue to support the students and teachers at our school. And hopefully the families who attended had a good time as well. 

I don't want to be overly dramatic, but I feel as though I'll get some of my life back now that this event is over. I put in a lot of hours, and there are several people who put in even more time that I did. Next week we'll send thank you notes to our donors before we start making lists and planning for next year.

This isn't a very inspired post, but it's all I have the energy for this evening!

Musical Week

As if the excitement of seeing Dar Williams on Wednesday night wasn't enough... tonight I was able to go with Matt to see Straight No Chaser. Wow, do those guys know how to put on a show. I've seen them once before and both times my cheeks hurt by the end because I've smiled so much.

I've done pretty well posting so far this month - but this one's kind of a cop-out because I can barely keep my eyes open.

By this time tomorrow we'll have, hopefully, had a successful family dinner event at our elementary school. I've been in meetings to plan this event since August. It is a huge production and, despite all of our hard work, it feels a little like it will take a miracle for it to come together tomorrow. If you think of it, please send a few well wishes our way...

Letter to a Young Friend Away at College For the First Time

Dear Friend,

How's it going? It looks (on Facebook) like you are having a good time, getting out there and experiencing life, meeting people. But I have to wonder... is it partly awful?

Not that college is awful. It can be fantastic, actually. Most of my very best friends in the world, the women I hold closest in my heart, are my friends from college. Sure there were ups and downs, but overall I loved my college experience and I'm grateful for it every day. Especially because of the wonderful women I came to know while I was there.

But here's the thing, I didn't like it at first, at all. Even though I met some of those people who are now family to me, we weren't instantly friends. And I was so, so homesick. But I felt like I wasn't supposed to be homesick and I did a lot (A LOT) of quiet crying into my pillow. And I went home at Thanksgiving and told my parents that maybe I wanted to transfer to a school closer to home which was attended by about 1/3 of my high school class. I might still feel overwhelmed, but at least I would know people.

I had had a fairly successful high school experience - I did well academically, I played sports, I was very involved in service activities, I had good friends. I was well-adjusted in lots of ways. I felt like everyone, especially me, expected the transition to college to be no big deal. Ha!

One thing I hadn't prepared for was the fact that I had trouble finding things to do which didn't involve partying. And partying really wasn't my thing. I also wasn't interested in Greek life. And, I don't know, part of me just didn't want to work so hard to make friends. It was exhausting.

Now, it is highly likely that your college experience isn't anything like mine and you're already well into your groove. But just in case you're not, here is my message for you:

It's okay if it takes a little while to find your people.

It felt like it took me forever to find mine, even though I actually met some of them on the very first day. Our souls just hadn't found each other yet, that part takes time.

You and I haven't spent time together in a while, but I still feel like I know you. I know how beautiful you are, as cliche as it is, inside and out. People around you see it, too. But just because people see the beauty, the goodness, in you, it doesn't mean they know you yet. Give them time.

You will find your people. You'll find people you love who will love you. You'll find people who will share your faith. You'll find people who you care about so deeply that being friends with them will make you want to be a better person.

Don't be afraid to lean on your faith and the friends and family you already have while you're working on finding your people for this next part of your journey. And if you ever want to talk to me... I'm only a phone call away.

By the way, college is where I was when I got to know your family. And that was also one of the best things that ever happened to me.

I love you!

Love,
Kelsey

Musical Milestones

As far as I can recall, I've always loved music. Somewhere there is a photo of me singing Christmas carols into a play microphone when I was a toddler. I loved singing the hymns in church. I loved sitting on my bed with friends, singing along to records using the lyrics printed on the paper sleeve. Some of my favorite memories involve guitars and campfires.

I love music deeply, and I love to sing, although I am NOT a performer. I see that same love of music in my daughter. She pays attention to lyrics and artists and plays music she loves over and over again.

I can pinpoint a couple of times when I discovered a new (new to me) musician or type of music and it marked a significant shift or mirrored some transition taking place in my life. Far and away the most powerful of these discoveries for me was stumbling upon the music of Dar Williams.

It happened my sophomore year of college and I can think of my musical taste and experiences as before Dar Williams or after Dar Williams...

The first time I saw her play live was on a side stage at Lilith Fair in Milwaukee, in 1997. Somewhere I still have an autograph from meeting her briefly after her set, when I could barely speak because I was so in awe.

In the fall of 1997 a group of us from my college drove the five and a half hours to see Dar Williams play in Chicago. Someone from the tour crew met us on the sidewalk, learned how far we'd come, and brought Dar out to meet us before the show. Again - awe.

I came home and typed up the set list from that show...

We also got to say hi during a little meet-and-greet afterwards, as she always used to sit and meet the fans and sign CDs, etc. Here's a picture of Dar and I:

This picture really cracks me up, now. I was so excited! Also? I was a baby. Lord, I was not even 21 years old...

The reason I bring this up now is to illustrate that I have been a fan for a long time. I am hugely excited because tonight, for the first time in five years, I get to see Dar Williams play live again.

I'm especially excited because a dear friend is going with me to the concert. I am fairly certain it is her first time seeing Dar Williams perform live. Going to a show with someone who is seeing an artist for the first time is almost as thrilling as seeing the artist for the first time myself. It will be a good night.

It will also require a lot of caffeine - we have to drive about an hour to get there and things won't even start until 8... late night for us! (Worth it though, I guarantee it.)

Not The Tuesday I Expected

So - today didn't go exactly as I planned due in large part to a massive toilet overflow in our hallway bathroom.

Instead of working out, showering, and writing/blogging this morning, I exercised and then flushed a toilet with unexpected results. Hey, at least it came before the shower.

I thoroughly cleaned a disgusting bathroom mess and sprinkled throughout the rest of my day was dealing with the disgusting wash and even cleaning out the washing machine. Yes, it was so bad that I had to clean up the washing machine after the cycle had run.

One day my children will grow up and demand therapy when they realize their mother wrote about their poo on the internet.

I also got to take the kids to get their flu shots this afternoon!

All this after Aaron Rodgers got injured and the Packers lost to the Bears last night.

Woe. Is. Me.

I guess in this month of Thanksgiving I can take a moment to be thankful that my problems, while gross and inconvenient, are the kind that I can post on Facebook for a laugh...

Put on Your Dancing Shoes

Harper started taking a weekly dance class when she was in first grade. Last year, because it occurred on the same day, we let her take ballet and jazz. And then, in the spring, she was invited to audition for the competition group at her studio and, wonder of wonders, was asked to join them. 

Competitors at Harper's level (the very, very beginning) take class three hours a week. Although sometimes we have up to five hours a week when they rehearse their "production" routine on the weekends. 

It works out, thankfully, for Matt's mom to take Harper to jazz class on Wednesdays, so Michael and I go with her to ballet/contemporary on Mondays. It occurred to me that if we were going to sit in the studio for ninety minutes it might be smart to see if there was a class Michael could take to kill part of the time. 

And so we now have a tapper in our midst...

It is visitors' week so I was able to sit in on the kids' classes and take some photos.

Oh, Michael. What he lacks in coordination (er, quite a bit), he more than makes up for with enthusiasm.

There he is, this giant boy, in a room full of dainty girls in leotards and I believe he is the least self-conscious one in the room. Every week he tells me how much he likes his tap class. God bless him, he's going to mess up all those careful girls during their recital...

And then there's this girl:

We watched the first half hour of her class and it was all barre! So even at the very most basic end of the competition spectrum, they are so serious. I'm totally in love with the discipline that ballet is teaching her, although I will admit the attitude of jazz is more suited to her personality. 

Harper's Aunt Meaghan is quite a dancer and so this whole world of dance competition is familiar to her and to Harper's grandmother (and dad, and grandfather...) but it is completely new to me. We'll see how this year goes. It is a large time and financial commitment. But it is also something Harper absolutely loves.

This isn't necessarily something I'd ever envisioned. I definitely pictured myself more as a sports mom than a dance mom. For now we are taking it one year at a time. When/if Harper moves up to the next level it will be almost impossible for her participate in any other activities. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. 

For now we'll be pirouetting and shuffle-ball-stepping most afternoons in the kitchen or living room. Feel free to put on your dancing shoes and join us!

Say Cheese

I have been blogging here for about eight years now. While my children are quite well documented, there are very few photos of me. I don't love having my picture taken and, like many mothers, I am usually the one holding the camera. 

There aren't many pictures of me in the context of our daily events, but one thing Matt and I agreed to when Harper was a baby was trying to have a family photo taken each year. Even if my children don't have lots of snapshots of their parents as they get older, they will always have the family photos we take each fall. 

In the past we've always gone to a camera store/photo studio down the street for our family photo. It is priced well enough and we've had good luck getting nice photos there, especially of the children. But after eight years of having our photo taken in a very traditional studio setting we were ready to try something different.

It just so happens that a woman who was a co-worker of mine last year is also a photographer. After seeing some of the photos in her office and checking out her website we decided to try having her take our family photos at an arboretum near here, one of our favorite places.

The photos in this post are ones that I took myself with the phone, all but the very top one were from after our photo session with Danielle. This arboretum is such a picturesque place, especially with the autumn colors in all their glory. I am not sure I've ever been this excited to see how our pictures turn out.

One of the great things about the change in set up is that we'll get the digital images from our session today and I will be able to share them here and on Facebook, as well as being able to use them for our holiday card. (It may be a little overkill for those of you who will see them here, on Facebook, and receive a holiday card - my apologies in advance!)

Harper and Michael were a little wound up and wild at the photo session. Most likely because they think of the arboretum as a place they come to explore and play, and not so much where they sit still for photos - although I have taken my share of shots there.

Michael just wanted to run around and ended up slipping next to a little creek and getting all muddy about half-way through the proceedings. Maybe Danielle will be able to edit those stains out? We'll see. 

Harper was a complete ham. Half the time she was posing very sweetly and naturally and the other half of the time she was trying (I assume) to look cool by sticking one leg up in the air or making some sort of gangster face. She also did her share of running. 

Pictures of the four of us walking serenely through the woods together... not so much.

Is this place beautiful, or what?

We lucked out with the weather today. It was dry and cold enough to give us rosy cheeks but not enough to make us miserable. I'm very thankful the stars aligned for that and we didn't have to take the photos indoors with the dust bunny army at our house.

Whether we decide to stick to the roaming photographer vs. the studio photographer remains to be seen. Stay tuned!

Why Yes, I am a Crazy Person

You may remember that in January of 2010 I took a semester-long, long term substitute teaching job. At the time we needed childcare for Harper and Michael. Both children attended preschool and daycare at a Jewish community center about ten minutes from our house. It was a phenomenal place and I loved the program, the community, the teachers. It was an easy decision to send Michael there last year when I went to work full-time.

The director of the early childhood program thinks I'm certifiably nuts.

It's easy to see why. When she met me I was headed for a long term subbing job in a junior high library and I was looking for full time work for the next year. But a couple of weeks in we thought we were moving to Michigan. And then we didn't. Which there were perfectly valid reasons for but made us seem pretty flaky to someone who didn't know our family well.

At the end of that year, and through the summer, I applied and interviewed for library jobs. Then I did it again the next summer. Each year we put down a deposit for Michael at the Jewish community center because we knew we wanted him to be there if I was working. But I didn't get a job that year, or the next.

Then, in the spring of 2012 I was offered a teaching job at the school where I'd taught before Harper was born. I was excited to go back there and teach first grade again, despite the fact that it was a classroom job and not a library job. And we signed the contract for Michael to head back to the childcare program we loved so much.

So sometime right around this time last year I ran into the early childhood program director when I was picking up Michael at the end of a work day. She asked me how we were doing and I said something about the fact that we were trying to adjust - to which she replied, "Still?"

And that, right there, sums up our whole year last year. We never adjusted. Superficially things went well. The children did fine, better than fine, in school. I had a mostly wonderful year teaching. I loved the students I taught and I taught them well. I loved the people I worked with. But it wasn't enough. And I decided not to do it again.

In 2007 I finished my master's degree. I spent five years looking for a job. I got a job. Then I realized I didn't want a job after all.

So I told the program director, who knew me during a good portion of my job searching years, that I wasn't going back the next year. I can almost guarantee she thinks I'm nuts. Maybe she's right.

You guys, my resume is a hot mess.

However, we are 1/4 (and then some) of the way into the new school year and I have no doubt in my mind that we have finally made (and made peace with!) the right decision for our family.

My Least Favorite Holiday

Even before we knew about Harper's food allergies, I wasn't a huge fan of Halloween. Our very first year I made Harper's costume in what I think was an attempt to prove that I didn't hate Halloween. I'm not a big dressing up person, I hate spending money on costumes, but I am not the crafty type that is very good a putting them together myself.

Then add nut allergies to the mix and Halloween becomes kind of a bust.

Last year we had horrible weather on Halloween and one or both of the kids had colds, so we phoned it in and went bowling instead.

This year we had been planning to attempt trick-or-treat, but I had already told the kids we wouldn't be eating any of that candy. In the past we separated out the stuff that we "knew" was safe. This year, however, I've seen too many big bags of candy in the stores that combine safe and unsafe treats. Wanting to eat candy just doesn't seem like a good reason to risk at trip to the ER or worse...

Sometime last weekend Matt convinced the kids that bowling would be a good idea again. And, while it was warmer, it was still rainy and windy last night. Instead of heading out into the muck we bowled a couple of games and then headed to Matt's parents where each child got a huge bag of Halloween treats that they could eat.

Michael was Mickey Mouse and Harper was a Hello Kitty Nerd... I was frustrated, once again, at how difficult it is to find appropriate costumes for the children. I felt like most of the boy costumes were too violent or scary and the girl costumes were too slutty. Why would ANYTHING made for 8, 9, and 10 year-old children come with fishnet stockings? Why? And I am the first to admit that I'm a complete prude about that sort of thing, but sheesh!

So we survived another year of Halloween. And yes, survived, is exactly how I look at it. I did have a semi-major meltdown in the elementary school when I walked into Harper's classroom and found her about to eat something that hadn't been checked out beforehand. Mostly because there have been too many stories lately of allergic reactions and even children losing their lives to their food allergies. It's possible I didn't realize how much I was carrying that with me until I saw Harper about to eat something that I wasn't sure was safe. It's also possibly that I overreacted a tiny bit since I'd been up until after midnight baking safe cookies for both kids' parties. 

But now Halloween 2013 is behind us, and I don't have to worry too much about it for another year. 

Bring on November.

Commitment

Instead of boring you with the litany of reasons why I haven't been writing, I'm just going to make a commitment to participate in National Blog Posting Month this year.

Bring it on, November! I'm looking forward to catching up...

Yes We Did

I am typing this blog post from a hotel room in a Disney resort in Florida. Matt is sound asleep next to me and Michael is sleeping in the next bed.

Harper is asleep in Ohio.

Yes, we actually did go to Disney World and leave our eight-year-old behind.

If you've know us a while you'll know that we took Harper on a solo trip to Disney when she was five. And ever since then we've discussed how Michael would have a turn someday.

Surely some people will think we are cruel or crazy to take only one of our children a place a fabulous as Disney. It wasn't so difficult to leave Michael behind when he was not yet two... Leaving a third grader is was a little trickier. But that experience of being on a solo trip with Harper is what convinced us that we'd definitely do it again with Michael.

My general parenting philosophy has little to do with making the children happy at all times, but it was such a special thing to have that entire week with Harper and to be able to basically respond to her every whim about what she wanted to do or see. In his whole life Michael has never had us all to himself for more than a couple of hours. I believe in this time we are spending with our son.

Harper gets to spend a week enjoying attention from adoring grandparents... we left yesterday and I believe she's already been treated to ice cream twice. She hasn't had much time alone with them since Michael was born. She is happy at school and, while I don't think it would have taken a lot of arm twisting to get her to come with us, she'll be busy and enjoying her life while we're away.

This trip will be different from when we brought Harper - we have a couple of extra days to explore the parks because Matt is taking two days to work while we're down here so we extended the trip a bit. With Harper we always got up in the morning and kept at it all day. Michael doesn't quite have her stamina so we may have to take more frequent breaks or do more pool time this trip than usual. We'll see.

For now I'm glad to be here with my boy and I'm grateful for the cell phones that make it so easy for me to check in with my girl. I'll let you know how the rest of the week goes.

Only on the bus and he's already so happy!

Soccer Mom

For a long, long time I fought hard for our family to have calm weeks, dinner together, and not be rushing around from place to face like crazed maniacs. I won the battle for several years. Recently, it appears, I have lost!

Up until this year I would say we sat down, ALL of us, to a family dinner five or six times a week. This week I think we'll be lucky to be together three times... Some of this is due to changes in Matt's job. He has more of a commute than he used to which impacts his ability to be home on time to eat with the children. Harper, Michael, and I still sit down together, but even that is becoming more of a challenge.

Dance is taking a much larger roll in our lives this year and that's a big one because it is a commitment that goes on all school year. So does Michael's swimming lessons. Then, throughout the year, we are going to have things which come up on a temporary basis. Right now it's soccer.

This first picture is from Michael's first soccer game, back in April. I never got around to writing much about it then. Let's just say Michael did not appear to be gifted on the soccer playing front. I spent exactly zero time worrying about this. He loved playing and was so happy and excited every time, even if he barely managed to kick the ball.

After Michael played in the spring Harper decided she wanted to try soccer.

You guys, I am not kidding when I say that I believe the major factor influencing Harper's desire to play soccer was the fact that she would get to go shopping for shoes, shin guards, and a soccer ball. I think a second factor was the fact that she wasn't thrilled that Michael was getting to do something she hadn't ever done. 

The soccer program we attend is through the YMCA - so it is focused on sportsmanship and learning basic skills, the time commitment is relatively minimal, and the price is right. We decided to let Harper give it a try, even if she was only in it for pink soccer socks.

Before their first practices

Harper did... better than expected during her first practice. She might be the kind of child who just has a little natural athleticism and will be able to "pick up" sports throughout her life. I think she's going to enjoy it, but doesn't know the game at all. Even if she doesn't fall in love with soccer, this is a good experience for her because she's learning to deal a little with being in an uncomfortable situation. She nearly scored a goal in her first game but didn't seem like she really understood what she was supposed to do or where she was supposed to go. I'll be interested to see how it evolves.

Harper and Michael practice on the same night, but her practice is an hour before his. About fifteen minutes into her first practice I received an email saying Michael's was cancelled. I was thrilled not to have to sit in the rain for another hour. Michael, on the other hand, was a little dismayed. He borrowed a ball from Harper's coach and did some independent practice for a while.

I don't know why, but something about this picture makes me think of Christopher Robin.

Somehow I failed to get a photo in which you can see Harper's face on the day of her first game. So maybe the second child thing applies here - since she was the second one to try soccer I didn't think to take as many pictures!

As the children get older I find myself struggling with different things about parenting. Right now one of them is how to set the kind of limits that allow them freedom to try different things, without making us all crazy by letting them try everything. I think soccer will turn out to be a good choice for the fall and then we'll see what winter brings.