Doors

How about some home improvement updates? While it isn't anything horribly exciting, we recently had our exterior doors replaced. Here are some before and afters...

The main front door:

Interior before... notice the lovely stained glass window... the panes are sitting in our basement if you want them. This door was a pain because you needed a key to lock and unlock it, even from inside. And it swelled in the summer so you couldn't lock or unlock it at all. (It was locked for three months.)

New door! With locks that work easily! Now that the door functions we took some furniture out of that space - it used to have a small book shelf and desk, and can actually use it as an entry way.

Here's the old door from outside... 

And the new front door we can actually use!

The secondary front door - next to the garage:

This is the door we use most often - the coat hooks were cleaned off to get ready for the door guys.

The new door works great and lets in a little light.

The old door from outside, this is where most everyone came into the house and probably still will after nearly nine years of building the habit.

The comparison would be better if I had taken the photos from the same angle, oh well. Here's the new door.

The patio door:

This door goes out to the back patio and yard - it's an important one because it is the door we use to let the dog in and out 95% of the time. The dead bolt on this one stopped working a while ago so we had to keep the door knob locked and try not to lock ourselves out when we used the back yard.  A nail in the frame for the storm door would frequently work loose and the door would get stuck on it, making it impossible to open or close. That was fun.

The new door, also in working order, it's amazing how happy this makes me.

And the patio door from outside... 

The new door is pretty and functional, and, so far, we never have to be worried that it won't open!

We also replaced the door that leads into the backyard from the garage, but I didn't take before pictures of that one... the door was actually splintering and warped at the bottom from the weather exposure. All the doors we replaced were original wooded doors and were about 60 years old. The new ones have a lifetime warranty, so this is one project we're hoping to be sort of done with forever. 

Now we just need to replace all of the (46!) windows, repave the driveway, renovate both bathrooms, have the roof replaced, finish the basement... 

Oops

I guess it's no surprise that I'm having a little trouble with the every-day-ness of blogging every day this month. My goal at this point is just to have the correct number of posts for November, and I'll do two in a day when I've missed here or there. Ok?

Why is it so hard?

The writing part of it isn't too bad, but last night, and earlier this week, I hadn't done it all day and I just forgot before I went to bed.

I have definitely been a little taken aback at how easily my time has filled up even though I'm not working this year. To be fair, some of that is just personal pursuits, like exercising semi-regularly and doing a little writing. But where does the rest of it go:

-Even with the kids' crazy schedules we've had fairly regular homemade meals, which also takes time.

-There's the sort of endless lather-rinse-repeat cycles of preparing and cleaning up from meals, packing lunches, loading and unloading the dishwasher, etc.

-I like to think our laundry is a little less behind than it was last year, and the sheets are being changed more frequently.

-The children have their homework and projects completed on time (and they usually remember to hand them in) and we haven't missed any major deadlines for field trips or fundraisers.

-Our appointments have been scheduled in a more timely manner, and kept.

-And I have volunteered at school on a weekly basis. And stayed on top-ish of my PTO duties.

-I'm substitute teaching here and there, an average of once a week.

I suppose the point I'm trying to make, for myself as much as anyone else, is that I am doing a lot but I'm maybe not keeping my house as clean as I thought I would...

Nugget

Michael: Mom! They got these words wrong!

Me: What's wrong with them?

Michael: Only the first letter is supposed to be upper case!

On Veteran's Day

I will admit, with shame, that for a large part of my life I didn't give much thought to Veteran's Day, despite having several relatives who have served our country over the years.

Of course I am thankful for all the men and women who put their lives on the line to protect our country. And I am thankful for the spouses, children, and families who sacrifice right alongside those who serve our country.

Today I am especially thankful for my brother-in-law, Jason, and all he has given:

July 27, 2013

Happy Veteran's Day. Thank you.

My Other Job

Carrie commented on my last post, about our school event, that those types of events and some PTO roles are like full-time jobs... I can't argue with her.

Last year I was technically one of the co-presidents of our school PTO. I say, "technically," because I was so busy with my paying full-time job, and keeping up with my family, that my co-president actually did about 90% of the work. This year I am trying to make up for lost time and working hard to level the burden - though she's knows better what she's doing so I fear she's still bearing the brunt of the load...

I try, really try, not to complain about being busy with PTO business. After all, taking on this volunteer role was a choice I made. I genuinely feel good about the work we do to support the teachers and students at our elementary school. I believe my presence in the school is good for my children. I think being involved in this work is helping me hone skills and make connections that may be beneficial in the future.

I think this level of volunteering, whether for a school or another organization, can also have some of the same frustrations that I have found in parenting. Often the work is sort of thankless, done with great time and effort behind the scenes and taken a little for granted. Every time something is finished you turn around to find a pile of next things waiting. There are pieces of it that you can put on the back-burner for a while but eventually that gets you in trouble, especially if there isn't someone else ready to jump in and pick up some of the slack. The amount of time I put in occasionally inconveniences other members of the family and, from time to time, has caused stress in our family relationships.

Matt and I always talk about taking these volunteer positions on a case-by-case basis and reevaluating each year. But there is also some pressure to continue, not because there is something so special about me that qualifies me for this job, but because I don't know who will step up to fill a vacancy. And it isn't that other people can't do it - tons of people could, but not many will.

The volunteer herd feels thinner than it was a few years ago when I started. Some who have given a great deal of their time have decided they need to step back, drawing clearer lines and saying, "No," more often. I respect that, I just hope we can find people to step up and fill those spots, big and small.

I just hope that each person will sort of step up to give what he or she can - all the help, big and small, is appreciated.

And it's only fair to acknowledge the jobs that other people do that I am not willing to take on right now: teaching religious education, coaching little kid sports teams, selling the spirit wear for our dance studio... It takes a village!


I am hoping to keep a sense of balance, bear in mind that volunteer hours don't entitle me to any special treatment, and be patient when I feel like there aren't enough people doing enough to help. We're all doing what we can, right?

P.S. I didn't remember NaBloPoMo until I was in bed last night, so we'll just count this post for yesterday?

School Spirit

Tonight we had our annual family dinner at my children's elementary school. It is an enormous event. We served dinner to about 400 people tonight. And dinner is just one part of it.

The committee for this dinner had our first meeting back in August. So we've been working on it for about three and a half months.

There are various elements to the dinner - the food, of course, but also raffle baskets, silent auction baskets, a "mitten tree", and carnival games for kids in the gym.

We solicit local businesses and school families for donations, recruit volunteers, and then set up and clean up the event. 

The dinner itself only lasts two hours, but several hours a night for the last week volunteers were at school in the evening organizing the raffle and auction items and wrapping the baskets:

We ended up with about 90 items between the raffle and the auction:

raffle tables

auction baskets against the far wall

Here's Michael playing the "Blinko" game in the gym:

When all is said and done all of those hours (I was at school for 10 hours today) and all that effort raised some money that will help our PTO continue to support the students and teachers at our school. And hopefully the families who attended had a good time as well. 

I don't want to be overly dramatic, but I feel as though I'll get some of my life back now that this event is over. I put in a lot of hours, and there are several people who put in even more time that I did. Next week we'll send thank you notes to our donors before we start making lists and planning for next year.

This isn't a very inspired post, but it's all I have the energy for this evening!

Musical Week

As if the excitement of seeing Dar Williams on Wednesday night wasn't enough... tonight I was able to go with Matt to see Straight No Chaser. Wow, do those guys know how to put on a show. I've seen them once before and both times my cheeks hurt by the end because I've smiled so much.

I've done pretty well posting so far this month - but this one's kind of a cop-out because I can barely keep my eyes open.

By this time tomorrow we'll have, hopefully, had a successful family dinner event at our elementary school. I've been in meetings to plan this event since August. It is a huge production and, despite all of our hard work, it feels a little like it will take a miracle for it to come together tomorrow. If you think of it, please send a few well wishes our way...

Letter to a Young Friend Away at College For the First Time

Dear Friend,

How's it going? It looks (on Facebook) like you are having a good time, getting out there and experiencing life, meeting people. But I have to wonder... is it partly awful?

Not that college is awful. It can be fantastic, actually. Most of my very best friends in the world, the women I hold closest in my heart, are my friends from college. Sure there were ups and downs, but overall I loved my college experience and I'm grateful for it every day. Especially because of the wonderful women I came to know while I was there.

But here's the thing, I didn't like it at first, at all. Even though I met some of those people who are now family to me, we weren't instantly friends. And I was so, so homesick. But I felt like I wasn't supposed to be homesick and I did a lot (A LOT) of quiet crying into my pillow. And I went home at Thanksgiving and told my parents that maybe I wanted to transfer to a school closer to home which was attended by about 1/3 of my high school class. I might still feel overwhelmed, but at least I would know people.

I had had a fairly successful high school experience - I did well academically, I played sports, I was very involved in service activities, I had good friends. I was well-adjusted in lots of ways. I felt like everyone, especially me, expected the transition to college to be no big deal. Ha!

One thing I hadn't prepared for was the fact that I had trouble finding things to do which didn't involve partying. And partying really wasn't my thing. I also wasn't interested in Greek life. And, I don't know, part of me just didn't want to work so hard to make friends. It was exhausting.

Now, it is highly likely that your college experience isn't anything like mine and you're already well into your groove. But just in case you're not, here is my message for you:

It's okay if it takes a little while to find your people.

It felt like it took me forever to find mine, even though I actually met some of them on the very first day. Our souls just hadn't found each other yet, that part takes time.

You and I haven't spent time together in a while, but I still feel like I know you. I know how beautiful you are, as cliche as it is, inside and out. People around you see it, too. But just because people see the beauty, the goodness, in you, it doesn't mean they know you yet. Give them time.

You will find your people. You'll find people you love who will love you. You'll find people who will share your faith. You'll find people who you care about so deeply that being friends with them will make you want to be a better person.

Don't be afraid to lean on your faith and the friends and family you already have while you're working on finding your people for this next part of your journey. And if you ever want to talk to me... I'm only a phone call away.

By the way, college is where I was when I got to know your family. And that was also one of the best things that ever happened to me.

I love you!

Love,
Kelsey

Musical Milestones

As far as I can recall, I've always loved music. Somewhere there is a photo of me singing Christmas carols into a play microphone when I was a toddler. I loved singing the hymns in church. I loved sitting on my bed with friends, singing along to records using the lyrics printed on the paper sleeve. Some of my favorite memories involve guitars and campfires.

I love music deeply, and I love to sing, although I am NOT a performer. I see that same love of music in my daughter. She pays attention to lyrics and artists and plays music she loves over and over again.

I can pinpoint a couple of times when I discovered a new (new to me) musician or type of music and it marked a significant shift or mirrored some transition taking place in my life. Far and away the most powerful of these discoveries for me was stumbling upon the music of Dar Williams.

It happened my sophomore year of college and I can think of my musical taste and experiences as before Dar Williams or after Dar Williams...

The first time I saw her play live was on a side stage at Lilith Fair in Milwaukee, in 1997. Somewhere I still have an autograph from meeting her briefly after her set, when I could barely speak because I was so in awe.

In the fall of 1997 a group of us from my college drove the five and a half hours to see Dar Williams play in Chicago. Someone from the tour crew met us on the sidewalk, learned how far we'd come, and brought Dar out to meet us before the show. Again - awe.

I came home and typed up the set list from that show...

We also got to say hi during a little meet-and-greet afterwards, as she always used to sit and meet the fans and sign CDs, etc. Here's a picture of Dar and I:

This picture really cracks me up, now. I was so excited! Also? I was a baby. Lord, I was not even 21 years old...

The reason I bring this up now is to illustrate that I have been a fan for a long time. I am hugely excited because tonight, for the first time in five years, I get to see Dar Williams play live again.

I'm especially excited because a dear friend is going with me to the concert. I am fairly certain it is her first time seeing Dar Williams perform live. Going to a show with someone who is seeing an artist for the first time is almost as thrilling as seeing the artist for the first time myself. It will be a good night.

It will also require a lot of caffeine - we have to drive about an hour to get there and things won't even start until 8... late night for us! (Worth it though, I guarantee it.)

Not The Tuesday I Expected

So - today didn't go exactly as I planned due in large part to a massive toilet overflow in our hallway bathroom.

Instead of working out, showering, and writing/blogging this morning, I exercised and then flushed a toilet with unexpected results. Hey, at least it came before the shower.

I thoroughly cleaned a disgusting bathroom mess and sprinkled throughout the rest of my day was dealing with the disgusting wash and even cleaning out the washing machine. Yes, it was so bad that I had to clean up the washing machine after the cycle had run.

One day my children will grow up and demand therapy when they realize their mother wrote about their poo on the internet.

I also got to take the kids to get their flu shots this afternoon!

All this after Aaron Rodgers got injured and the Packers lost to the Bears last night.

Woe. Is. Me.

I guess in this month of Thanksgiving I can take a moment to be thankful that my problems, while gross and inconvenient, are the kind that I can post on Facebook for a laugh...

Put on Your Dancing Shoes

Harper started taking a weekly dance class when she was in first grade. Last year, because it occurred on the same day, we let her take ballet and jazz. And then, in the spring, she was invited to audition for the competition group at her studio and, wonder of wonders, was asked to join them. 

Competitors at Harper's level (the very, very beginning) take class three hours a week. Although sometimes we have up to five hours a week when they rehearse their "production" routine on the weekends. 

It works out, thankfully, for Matt's mom to take Harper to jazz class on Wednesdays, so Michael and I go with her to ballet/contemporary on Mondays. It occurred to me that if we were going to sit in the studio for ninety minutes it might be smart to see if there was a class Michael could take to kill part of the time. 

And so we now have a tapper in our midst...

It is visitors' week so I was able to sit in on the kids' classes and take some photos.

Oh, Michael. What he lacks in coordination (er, quite a bit), he more than makes up for with enthusiasm.

There he is, this giant boy, in a room full of dainty girls in leotards and I believe he is the least self-conscious one in the room. Every week he tells me how much he likes his tap class. God bless him, he's going to mess up all those careful girls during their recital...

And then there's this girl:

We watched the first half hour of her class and it was all barre! So even at the very most basic end of the competition spectrum, they are so serious. I'm totally in love with the discipline that ballet is teaching her, although I will admit the attitude of jazz is more suited to her personality. 

Harper's Aunt Meaghan is quite a dancer and so this whole world of dance competition is familiar to her and to Harper's grandmother (and dad, and grandfather...) but it is completely new to me. We'll see how this year goes. It is a large time and financial commitment. But it is also something Harper absolutely loves.

This isn't necessarily something I'd ever envisioned. I definitely pictured myself more as a sports mom than a dance mom. For now we are taking it one year at a time. When/if Harper moves up to the next level it will be almost impossible for her participate in any other activities. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. 

For now we'll be pirouetting and shuffle-ball-stepping most afternoons in the kitchen or living room. Feel free to put on your dancing shoes and join us!

Say Cheese

I have been blogging here for about eight years now. While my children are quite well documented, there are very few photos of me. I don't love having my picture taken and, like many mothers, I am usually the one holding the camera. 

There aren't many pictures of me in the context of our daily events, but one thing Matt and I agreed to when Harper was a baby was trying to have a family photo taken each year. Even if my children don't have lots of snapshots of their parents as they get older, they will always have the family photos we take each fall. 

In the past we've always gone to a camera store/photo studio down the street for our family photo. It is priced well enough and we've had good luck getting nice photos there, especially of the children. But after eight years of having our photo taken in a very traditional studio setting we were ready to try something different.

It just so happens that a woman who was a co-worker of mine last year is also a photographer. After seeing some of the photos in her office and checking out her website we decided to try having her take our family photos at an arboretum near here, one of our favorite places.

The photos in this post are ones that I took myself with the phone, all but the very top one were from after our photo session with Danielle. This arboretum is such a picturesque place, especially with the autumn colors in all their glory. I am not sure I've ever been this excited to see how our pictures turn out.

One of the great things about the change in set up is that we'll get the digital images from our session today and I will be able to share them here and on Facebook, as well as being able to use them for our holiday card. (It may be a little overkill for those of you who will see them here, on Facebook, and receive a holiday card - my apologies in advance!)

Harper and Michael were a little wound up and wild at the photo session. Most likely because they think of the arboretum as a place they come to explore and play, and not so much where they sit still for photos - although I have taken my share of shots there.

Michael just wanted to run around and ended up slipping next to a little creek and getting all muddy about half-way through the proceedings. Maybe Danielle will be able to edit those stains out? We'll see. 

Harper was a complete ham. Half the time she was posing very sweetly and naturally and the other half of the time she was trying (I assume) to look cool by sticking one leg up in the air or making some sort of gangster face. She also did her share of running. 

Pictures of the four of us walking serenely through the woods together... not so much.

Is this place beautiful, or what?

We lucked out with the weather today. It was dry and cold enough to give us rosy cheeks but not enough to make us miserable. I'm very thankful the stars aligned for that and we didn't have to take the photos indoors with the dust bunny army at our house.

Whether we decide to stick to the roaming photographer vs. the studio photographer remains to be seen. Stay tuned!

Why Yes, I am a Crazy Person

You may remember that in January of 2010 I took a semester-long, long term substitute teaching job. At the time we needed childcare for Harper and Michael. Both children attended preschool and daycare at a Jewish community center about ten minutes from our house. It was a phenomenal place and I loved the program, the community, the teachers. It was an easy decision to send Michael there last year when I went to work full-time.

The director of the early childhood program thinks I'm certifiably nuts.

It's easy to see why. When she met me I was headed for a long term subbing job in a junior high library and I was looking for full time work for the next year. But a couple of weeks in we thought we were moving to Michigan. And then we didn't. Which there were perfectly valid reasons for but made us seem pretty flaky to someone who didn't know our family well.

At the end of that year, and through the summer, I applied and interviewed for library jobs. Then I did it again the next summer. Each year we put down a deposit for Michael at the Jewish community center because we knew we wanted him to be there if I was working. But I didn't get a job that year, or the next.

Then, in the spring of 2012 I was offered a teaching job at the school where I'd taught before Harper was born. I was excited to go back there and teach first grade again, despite the fact that it was a classroom job and not a library job. And we signed the contract for Michael to head back to the childcare program we loved so much.

So sometime right around this time last year I ran into the early childhood program director when I was picking up Michael at the end of a work day. She asked me how we were doing and I said something about the fact that we were trying to adjust - to which she replied, "Still?"

And that, right there, sums up our whole year last year. We never adjusted. Superficially things went well. The children did fine, better than fine, in school. I had a mostly wonderful year teaching. I loved the students I taught and I taught them well. I loved the people I worked with. But it wasn't enough. And I decided not to do it again.

In 2007 I finished my master's degree. I spent five years looking for a job. I got a job. Then I realized I didn't want a job after all.

So I told the program director, who knew me during a good portion of my job searching years, that I wasn't going back the next year. I can almost guarantee she thinks I'm nuts. Maybe she's right.

You guys, my resume is a hot mess.

However, we are 1/4 (and then some) of the way into the new school year and I have no doubt in my mind that we have finally made (and made peace with!) the right decision for our family.

My Least Favorite Holiday

Even before we knew about Harper's food allergies, I wasn't a huge fan of Halloween. Our very first year I made Harper's costume in what I think was an attempt to prove that I didn't hate Halloween. I'm not a big dressing up person, I hate spending money on costumes, but I am not the crafty type that is very good a putting them together myself.

Then add nut allergies to the mix and Halloween becomes kind of a bust.

Last year we had horrible weather on Halloween and one or both of the kids had colds, so we phoned it in and went bowling instead.

This year we had been planning to attempt trick-or-treat, but I had already told the kids we wouldn't be eating any of that candy. In the past we separated out the stuff that we "knew" was safe. This year, however, I've seen too many big bags of candy in the stores that combine safe and unsafe treats. Wanting to eat candy just doesn't seem like a good reason to risk at trip to the ER or worse...

Sometime last weekend Matt convinced the kids that bowling would be a good idea again. And, while it was warmer, it was still rainy and windy last night. Instead of heading out into the muck we bowled a couple of games and then headed to Matt's parents where each child got a huge bag of Halloween treats that they could eat.

Michael was Mickey Mouse and Harper was a Hello Kitty Nerd... I was frustrated, once again, at how difficult it is to find appropriate costumes for the children. I felt like most of the boy costumes were too violent or scary and the girl costumes were too slutty. Why would ANYTHING made for 8, 9, and 10 year-old children come with fishnet stockings? Why? And I am the first to admit that I'm a complete prude about that sort of thing, but sheesh!

So we survived another year of Halloween. And yes, survived, is exactly how I look at it. I did have a semi-major meltdown in the elementary school when I walked into Harper's classroom and found her about to eat something that hadn't been checked out beforehand. Mostly because there have been too many stories lately of allergic reactions and even children losing their lives to their food allergies. It's possible I didn't realize how much I was carrying that with me until I saw Harper about to eat something that I wasn't sure was safe. It's also possibly that I overreacted a tiny bit since I'd been up until after midnight baking safe cookies for both kids' parties. 

But now Halloween 2013 is behind us, and I don't have to worry too much about it for another year. 

Bring on November.

Commitment

Instead of boring you with the litany of reasons why I haven't been writing, I'm just going to make a commitment to participate in National Blog Posting Month this year.

Bring it on, November! I'm looking forward to catching up...

Yes We Did

I am typing this blog post from a hotel room in a Disney resort in Florida. Matt is sound asleep next to me and Michael is sleeping in the next bed.

Harper is asleep in Ohio.

Yes, we actually did go to Disney World and leave our eight-year-old behind.

If you've know us a while you'll know that we took Harper on a solo trip to Disney when she was five. And ever since then we've discussed how Michael would have a turn someday.

Surely some people will think we are cruel or crazy to take only one of our children a place a fabulous as Disney. It wasn't so difficult to leave Michael behind when he was not yet two... Leaving a third grader is was a little trickier. But that experience of being on a solo trip with Harper is what convinced us that we'd definitely do it again with Michael.

My general parenting philosophy has little to do with making the children happy at all times, but it was such a special thing to have that entire week with Harper and to be able to basically respond to her every whim about what she wanted to do or see. In his whole life Michael has never had us all to himself for more than a couple of hours. I believe in this time we are spending with our son.

Harper gets to spend a week enjoying attention from adoring grandparents... we left yesterday and I believe she's already been treated to ice cream twice. She hasn't had much time alone with them since Michael was born. She is happy at school and, while I don't think it would have taken a lot of arm twisting to get her to come with us, she'll be busy and enjoying her life while we're away.

This trip will be different from when we brought Harper - we have a couple of extra days to explore the parks because Matt is taking two days to work while we're down here so we extended the trip a bit. With Harper we always got up in the morning and kept at it all day. Michael doesn't quite have her stamina so we may have to take more frequent breaks or do more pool time this trip than usual. We'll see.

For now I'm glad to be here with my boy and I'm grateful for the cell phones that make it so easy for me to check in with my girl. I'll let you know how the rest of the week goes.

Only on the bus and he's already so happy!

Soccer Mom

For a long, long time I fought hard for our family to have calm weeks, dinner together, and not be rushing around from place to face like crazed maniacs. I won the battle for several years. Recently, it appears, I have lost!

Up until this year I would say we sat down, ALL of us, to a family dinner five or six times a week. This week I think we'll be lucky to be together three times... Some of this is due to changes in Matt's job. He has more of a commute than he used to which impacts his ability to be home on time to eat with the children. Harper, Michael, and I still sit down together, but even that is becoming more of a challenge.

Dance is taking a much larger roll in our lives this year and that's a big one because it is a commitment that goes on all school year. So does Michael's swimming lessons. Then, throughout the year, we are going to have things which come up on a temporary basis. Right now it's soccer.

This first picture is from Michael's first soccer game, back in April. I never got around to writing much about it then. Let's just say Michael did not appear to be gifted on the soccer playing front. I spent exactly zero time worrying about this. He loved playing and was so happy and excited every time, even if he barely managed to kick the ball.

After Michael played in the spring Harper decided she wanted to try soccer.

You guys, I am not kidding when I say that I believe the major factor influencing Harper's desire to play soccer was the fact that she would get to go shopping for shoes, shin guards, and a soccer ball. I think a second factor was the fact that she wasn't thrilled that Michael was getting to do something she hadn't ever done. 

The soccer program we attend is through the YMCA - so it is focused on sportsmanship and learning basic skills, the time commitment is relatively minimal, and the price is right. We decided to let Harper give it a try, even if she was only in it for pink soccer socks.

Before their first practices

Harper did... better than expected during her first practice. She might be the kind of child who just has a little natural athleticism and will be able to "pick up" sports throughout her life. I think she's going to enjoy it, but doesn't know the game at all. Even if she doesn't fall in love with soccer, this is a good experience for her because she's learning to deal a little with being in an uncomfortable situation. She nearly scored a goal in her first game but didn't seem like she really understood what she was supposed to do or where she was supposed to go. I'll be interested to see how it evolves.

Harper and Michael practice on the same night, but her practice is an hour before his. About fifteen minutes into her first practice I received an email saying Michael's was cancelled. I was thrilled not to have to sit in the rain for another hour. Michael, on the other hand, was a little dismayed. He borrowed a ball from Harper's coach and did some independent practice for a while.

I don't know why, but something about this picture makes me think of Christopher Robin.

Somehow I failed to get a photo in which you can see Harper's face on the day of her first game. So maybe the second child thing applies here - since she was the second one to try soccer I didn't think to take as many pictures!

As the children get older I find myself struggling with different things about parenting. Right now one of them is how to set the kind of limits that allow them freedom to try different things, without making us all crazy by letting them try everything. I think soccer will turn out to be a good choice for the fall and then we'll see what winter brings. 

First Day, First Week

Michael officially started kindergarten back on August 16. For some reason our district always has the kindergarten students begin on Friday. You'll notice I didn't post anything about his day on Friday...

Looking a bit manic before school!

That's because Friday went unbelievably well. I was a bit afraid that, if I posted about it, he would give the whole thing a second (or third) thought over the weekend and Monday would be a nightmare. Then Friday night he told us he loved his teacher and Saturday he told us he couldn't wait to see her again. And Monday he just got right up and went to kindergarten again like it was no. big. deal.

Tuesday morning he very casually said he didn't feel like going, but put up exactly zero fuss when I said he'd be going anyway.

But back to August 16. For many reasons I was worried about the first day of school. Michael is not a fan of change and tends to be anxious about new situations. He can also struggle with separation anxiety. He cried daily his first year of preschool, daily. Last year he put up such a fuss about going to Sunday School that we actually let him quit. He also gets easily overwhelmed in big groups and I think there are about 25 children in his kindergarten class. He also has an intermittently intense fear of any toilet other than ours, which is a story for another time.

Not only was I concerned about how he would do with the part of the day when he had to separate form me, I was also worried about how tired he would be. You see this little guy would still take a nap after lunch every day if we asked him to lay down. Not only is he doing morning kindergarten, he is also participating in an afternoon enrichment program, which means he is at school all day long.

So far, so good. Now he's usually a wreck by four or five on a school day, but he seems to handle things okay while he's there - which is all I can ask for.

The first day he didn't so much as hug me goodbye or wave when I walked him to his classroom. I almost called for him to come back and say goodbye to me but fortunately thought the better of it and managed to walk down the hall and around the corner before I started to cry...

And I did cry, although not that much. But I had a brief pang of grief that I'd just sent my baby away for the whole day... Even though all last year I left him all day, every day. I think it feels different now because, if I'm being fully melodramatic, kindergarten feels like the beginning of the end. Oh he has lots of childhood left -but the days of him being with me most of the time are gone. And yes, I even feel a little guilty that I gave up those days last year.

Michael came beaming to the car when I picked the children up from school that first day. "Great news, Mom!" he said, "Not one tear went down my cheek the whole day!"

Triumph.

Still smiling at the end of the day!

Add It To The List

I've been trying to catch up on some long neglected blog-reading and commenting, as well as figuring out how to get going again in this space. You know what I noticed tonight? I am having more trouble reading blogs (or anything) with our computer set up the way it is:

The computer monitor is mounted on a little shelf above the desk and when the keyboard is pulled out, you know, when I'm typing, I have just noticed that it is getting a little difficult to read the computer screen.  To be fair, it is really far away from my chair...

For years I have been saying that I should probably have my eyes checked. I think I have only been to an actual eye-doctor for a checkup once, maybe in junior high? As I am now closer to 40 than 30, and I'm the only one in my family that doesn't wear glasses at all, perhaps it is time to bite the bullet and get my eyes checked. I actually have time to make an appointment, now that both kids are in school five days a week.

In the meantime, I think I'll just do a little rearranging... 

I Probably Should Have Mentioned...

Can you believe it was the FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL here today? Me neither!

This summer flew - faster than most. Some of that probably had to do with the fact that I was on contract until June 12 so my summer was short. Exactly three weeks shorter than Harper's...

Speaking of Harper, look who's in third grade:

Do you need a moment to let that sink in?

There is so, so much to discuss. And I will have some time to do it beginning Friday when Michael starts kindergarten. (I'll give you another moment to let that sink in...)

So, a friend left a question on Facebook that made me realize I never told all of you that I'm not going to back to work this year. As you can imagine I have a LOT to say about that. But not tonight.

Because of a supplemental program Michael is doing in the afternoon I am actually going to have my two only children in school for a full day every day of the week. That is a lot of solo hours my friends. 

What's new with you?

Frequent Request...

"Mom, can I have a cooking mitt so I can play 'magination baseball?"

Michael's baseball obsession continues. Sometimes while he's watching a game and sometimes purely in his imagination, he will act out the action on the ball field in our living room. When his glove is not nearby, he asks to borrow an oven mitt as a stand-in. And yes, he calls it "'magination" baseball.

Testing...

Ah, Internets...

It is time to blow the cobwebs out of the corners here at Midwest Mom. I thought I would just blink the lights and let you know that we are here, all is well, etc.

Are people even blogging anymore? Seems sort of old-timey, what with all the kids on Twitter and who knows what else these days.

Harper's summer began May 23, but mine did not start until June 13. So here it is the 4th of July and I feel like I'm just now un-clinching from the crazy school year we had.

It has rained all day here. We had the in-laws over for dinner. Matt was a trooper and grilled in the rain. Then we played cards and everyone went to bed early.

How are you?

At Five

Dear Michael,

One of these years we'll celebrate a birthday of yours and I won't think about how it wasn't supposed to happen until May... Really though, I am so incredibly grateful that people who meet you today probably don't realize that you were born nine weeks early. In a way you will always be my baby, but you certainly aren't a baby anymore!

Last month you turned five years old. I say it every single time I reflect on your birthday, but where on earth does this time go?

We've really turned your world upside down in the last year. I went back to work full time in the fall and you left your school to go back to the preschool/daycare you were at the spring you turned two. You've done well in your school this year. You've learned and grown and made friends. It took you a long time to come out of your shell, but you really have blossomed.

How will we remember this past year? We've watched you encounter all kinds of new experiences and each time you've approached them the same way. You wait and you watch. Sometimes for an agonizingly long time. You have a need to spend some time thinking about a situation before you commit to being a part of it. This is has been true of everything from swimming in a new hotel pool to joining with friends at a birthday party.

The rough-and-tumble boy you can be has come out with the fullest force ever this year. You play aggressively with your friends at school and come home talking about Star Wars and Rescue Bots and Transformers and all sorts of things that you didn't encounter in our house. You are slowly learning to identify the times and places where rough play is appropriate as well as when it isn't such a great idea. For instance, sneaking into the kitchen and karate-chopping the back of my legs while I'm preparing dinner has turned out not to be such a good idea.

As rough as you can be, you are something of a gentle giant as well. (Did I mention that you are now in the 95% for height and the 90% for weight?) We have yet to find a movie you can watch without crying at some point, either from being sad or afraid. Even certain books and songs will bring you to tears. You hate to see anyone else feel sad, left out, or left behind. Eventually I imagine you'll be able to sit through a Disney movie without dissolving into tears, but I also hope you'll hold on to that tender heart as you grow.

Your obsession with sports grows stronger each year and baseball is your favorite. You will watch any baseball game on television, even if it is between two college teams that you've never heard of. You cannot wait to play baseball (that's coming later this year) and are trying out soccer right now. You love your soccer practices and games, despite the fact that you play as though you are participating in a game you are watching on a three-second delay. While you figure it out you are just happy to be on the field and keep telling us how great it is!

The rest of this year is going to bring more huge changes your way. After what feels like an eternity of debating what to do, we have decided to send you to kindergarten this fall. I can't wait to see how you navigate in that new world and what other surprises you have in store for us.

You are delightful Michael. You bring so much joy to our days with the appreciation you have for the little things in life. I will never get tired of hearing how great your day was or how I make the best sunbutter and jelly sandwiches in the world. It is a gift to be your mother. I love you.

Love,
Mom

Fatigue

Do they look older to you?

Michael will be FIVE on Saturday, which is completely mind-blowing. We are in the midst of things like kindergarten screening and just signed him up for spring soccer. I know how cliche it is, but seriously, where does the time go?

And speaking of time, there isn't much of it these days. I really thought I would be able to keep blogging once or twice a week while I worked and I think a lot about it. However, when it comes down to it I tend to choose sleep and sanity over computer time. I miss the blogging community though, and I hope to dial back into things over the summer.

The last four weeks have been a special kind of brutal because we have been sick, sick, sick around here. Harper and Michael had no-apparent-reason fevers the first week of February. Then we had a visit from the vomit fairy the second week of February (only for the children, thank goodness). Last week Michael was diagnosed with strep. After three hours at children's urgent care today we realized Harper had an ear infection, which we expected, and pneumonia, which was an unfortunate surprise diagnosis.

Of course with all that illness comes the ever-exhausting dance to figure out which adult is not going where he or she thought for the day. Matt's parents have been hugely helpful, but Harper alone has already had six sick days since February 1st. It's getting a little old. There wasn't one day last week that both of my children went to school.

My job is exhausting and frustrating and lots of wonderful. I have gotten to know some amazing children and families this year. I have worked with some of my favorite people on the planet. Aside from all the sick days and maybe being a little extra tired, Harper and Michael are both thriving in their environments, childcare included.

Soon it will be time to make decisions about what next school year will bring, for me and for our children. I thought by this point in the year I would have a clearer picture of whether we'd made the right decision and what decision we should make going forward. If there was ever a time I wished for a crystal ball, this is it. I never imagined the choice between working and staying at home would seem this difficult. We'll all have to stay tuned to see what happens next.

I am not sure who might still be checking in here, after all this time has passed. Still I would be remiss if I failed to mention that we are once again raising money for March of Dimes and planning to walk in the 2013 March for Babies at the end of April. We've had such amazing support for the event the past few years. I'm hoping a few of you will consider supporting us again - the link is over on the right.

Eight

Dear Harper,

Shortly after beginning this blog we celebrated your first birthday and I wrote you a letter to mark the occasion. I have done the same every year since that first birthday.

Life has been very different for our family in the last few months as Dad and I are now both working full time. Some things have had to change and, unfortunately, one of those things has been the amount of time I've spent writing here. Your birthday passed six weeks ago but I still want to write to you. One thing I'm really learning this year is that just because I can't do something perfectly doesn't mean that I shouldn't do it at all. Since it is New Year's Eve and you will turn NINE in 2013, I figured I'd better get to it.

You are eight.

I know hearing your age isn't nearly as jarring for you as it is for me. Still, eight is a pretty remarkable number, don't you think? At Christmas Eve dinner this year it occurred to me that it was the ninth year we'd celebrated Christmas with you and got all choked up because the time has gone so unbelievably fast.

You've had a bunch of new adventures this year - dancing in your first big recital, attending bowling and basketball camps, playing with the big kids (fifth graders!) in after school daycare, and trying tennis. Your world is getting bigger and bigger, as is your attitude. In many ways you've always seemed older than your age, but this year, especially in the last few months, it has become clear to me that you are on the verge of a whole bunch of big kid stuff. The questions you ask, the way you speak, the eye-rolling (already?), all of it gives glimpses into this new phase we seem to be entering.

When I was a summer camp counselor eight-year-olds were some of my favorite campers. Yes you have one toe in that big-kid world, but you still buy into a whole slew of wonderful, magical, little kid stuff too. You like to play pretend, be read to, and you were all in on the Santa Claus thing for another blissful Christmas. You aren't too embarrassed to be with your parents, and better yet, you still love spending time with your dad and me.

You have pushed your boundaries this year, at home and at school, and I don't think you have the fear of "getting in trouble" that I carried with me during my childhood. This is mostly a good thing, as you really aren't afraid to take your place in the world, though I occasionally wish you were just a little more concerned about following the rules. You are more likely to evaluate the rules and follow the ones you feel should apply to you...

Of course I'm really proud of so many of the things you've done. Back in the spring you worked really hard to write a story and make book as an end of the year gift to your first grade teacher. When she sent you a thank you she promised to come to a signing when you are a published author. You are developing your own tastes and interests, independent of things your father and I have tried to introduce you to and you love to read (especially graphic novels and mysteries), write, and cried your first happy tears when you received a desk for your birthday. You've also become a big music fan this year - Taylor Swift is your favorite - and you got a guitar for Christmas and can't wait to learn how to play and write your own songs.

There are moments when I look at you or listen to you and my breath is completely taken away. I cannot believe the little baby I spent all those winter mornings snuggling with and reading to has become this big, beautiful child. I continue to learn and grow as you learn and grow. Being your mother is the biggest challenge and honor of my life. I love you, Harper, and I can't wait to see what the next year will bring.

Love,
Mom

NaNoWha?

So yes, for the first time in a long time, my guess is that National Blog Posting Month is not going to happen here this year...

I'm sure you're shocked.

We're doing fine, but I'm having a hard time justifying taking time to blog as I'm falling asleep every night thinking of the things for school or around the house that I've yet again failed to do. Being back to work sure has been a humbling experience!

We totally phoned it in for Halloween this year. As the cold and soggy remnants of Sandy landed firmly in Ohio this week I had the wicked brilliant idea to skip trick-or-treat all together and take the kids bowling in their costumes:

These are not the kids.

Of course we still stopped by my in-laws where there were bags of nut-free candy waiting for them. So they got plenty of candy, bowled a game, and avoided making our already present coughs and sniffles worse by hiking around in the rain for an hour. Win-win?

Hello?

I moment ago I took the dog out in the front yard. It is a beautiful, clear, autumn night. I looked up to see a blanket of stars. The air was full of the sound of fireworks (?) and the local high school band playing at the football game. The scent of a fire wafted up from a neighbor's yard. It was a few minutes of deep and satisfying peace.

This transition from full time momming to full time teaching has been a lot. It is almost as jarring and intense as the transition to being a parent. It's only been six weeks so we're still in that newborn haze. I am only now, just a little bit, coming up for air. I miss this online community fiercely, though I don't have too much time to dwell on it...

Things are happening here. School and field trips and croup and new experiences and dog cancer (he's okay now, but whoa) . Most Some days feel barely together, like the universe is bound by nothing more than a prayer and an old rubber band.

I would love for someone to tell me this will get even a little bit easier. If you know that it really won't then you just shush.

Are you still out there? How are you?