Last Day

August 2008:

June 2009:

(nmk is for Not My Kid)

School Wrap-Up (Video Version)

Michael Swinging

Harper Talking About School



Harper Talking More About School

The two funniest things about these videos are:

1) Michael's position in the swing slowly deteriorates.

2) My instructions for Harper to be gentle with the swing sound a little less gentle with each passing moment.

Deja Vu

Hmmmm. . . Tuesday night, the last week of school, it's just like last year!

Matt was away, at practice, and the kids were eating dinner when the tornado sirens went off tonight. I could see from the televised weather report that the actual danger was still at least 20 minutes away, so I felt a little less frantic than last year when I was sure which ever child I didn't take to the basement first would perish as the house was leveled.

So Harper and her plate went down first - she ate at my old desk in the basement. Then I took Michael downstairs and placed him in the high chair we don't use, leaving him to scream in fury as I went back upstairs to retrieve: phone, epi pens, diaper bag, blanket, bottle, and Michael's dinner, but only AFTER assuring Harper that I would be fine, there wasn't any danger near our house then, we were just being extra careful.

I finally had everyone/everything down in the basement, Michael was screaming, Harper was covering her ears because Michael was screaming, and she was shouting over the noise of the screaming that she was, "Just a little bit worried!"

I fed Michael and reminded Harper that going to a safe space in a storm is a lot like wearing seat belts... we take steps to make ourselves safe, just in case, but usually everything is just fine.*

After a few minutes everyone settled down (Michael's been in the basement about three times in his life, so I think the new surroundings plus my running up and down the stairs kind of freaked him out). Then Harper wanted to know, if the tornado did come into our front yard, could she just go upstairs and take a quick peek?

In the end the tornado warning was canceled about ten or fifteen minutes after we made it to the basement, but there were more storms coming so we stayed put until things truly settled down. It ended up being fun - we got the "finished" room cleaned up a bit, and we discovered that Michael likes the Little Tikes slide we have down there. He can't go down it on his own just yet, but he loved when I held him under his arms and helped him down - I think he even said, "whee."

Our current storm "watches" are only supposed to last another half hour or so, which means I won't feel like I have to stay awake tonight, keeping vigil. Thank goodness.

____

*The seat belt analogy seems to work well for calming a lot of Harper's fears, allowing me to discuss potentially scary/dangerous situations (strangers, fires, etc.) and then say they probably won't happen, tra la! However, it did occur to me that it might make an overly anxiety-prone child afraid to ride in a car. So, um, feel free to use my approach with caution.

In With the New

As promised, here are some pictures of our new (new-to-us) ride...

Harper enjoyed showing off the minivan.

The Cockpit

Look at all that glorious space!

Harper is a fan of her new spot in the car.

Harper loves the DVD player - and doesn't argue about the fact that we're only going to use it for long trips (like to Wisconsin)

Ah, trunk space! Room for a stroller and a kid (and probably some groceries).

So we are now the proud owners of a 2003 Honda Odyssey. It is newer than the car we sold, but has twice as many miles on it. That did seem a bit weird, that we would trade for a car with higher mileage, but it really was about the space and not about the condition of the car (my car was in great shape!). It's difficult to find a used minivan with all the bells and whistles, I guess people just drive them until they die. We're hoping to get a couple of years out of this one (maybe even 4?) and then be able to buy a brand new one. Is it too much to hope that there will be a hybrid minivan by the 2013 model year???

Out with the Old

(Don't worry Giselle, I will get to the new car later this week!)


Tomorrow I will turn over the keys to the car I have had for the last nine and a half years.

That car was my college graduation present from my parents (Thank you Mom and Dad!). When they bought it they were originally looking at a two-door version with light interior. My mom argued that the light interior would probably not hold up well and that I would have a hard time getting to a car seat in the back of a two-door. I laughed at this when they gave me the car, but it turned out to be some great thinking on her part.

That car came before my first teaching job, before I met Matt, before I had kids. That car took me to job interview and jobs. That car carried me to St. Louis, Columbus, Minneapolis/St. Paul, Madison, Louisville and Chicago to visit friends. The gift of that car allowed me to take my first teaching job and move back to Ohio. I drove that car home to Wisconsin for the weeks before my wedding. That car has been witness to other events, like Harper's first day of school. It has ferried us safely to doctor and dentist and dog grooming and countless other appointments.

If it weren't for the fact that I didn't have a car payment I don't think I could have afforded to take that first teaching job in a Catholic school, a job with a salary that barely covered rent, utilities, and insurance. And if I hadn't taken that job I never would have met Matt, and, well, the rest is history.

Despite the fact that my dear car felt too small almost from the moment we first had kids, it has served me well. It is as comfortable to me as my favorite shoes and as familiar as my favorite music.

So I may have complained that the stroller took up the entire trunk space. I may have hit my head too many times to count leaning over to strap babies in their seats. I may have wondered what it would be like to drive something new. But I am truly grateful for my little Cavalier.

Tomorrow I will pass it along to a woman (who may wish to remain anonymous!) who has just graduated from college. I hope it serves her as well as it has me.

Balance Sheet

Ah Michael - he is sitting squarely in the middle of an age both wonderful and horrifying. That stage in which mobility is all but fully achieved and there is no awareness of danger. He tries to crawl right off of elevated surfaces like the changing table and the bed - I would like to request doses of both depth perception and fear please.

The eating is horrifying - he LOVES to eat but is, as are most diners his age, sloppy and impatient. If you put food on his tray bite by bite, he's signing for more as soon as his fingers leave his mouth. If you offer a little more at time he picks it up by the fistful and uses both hands to stuff it in, after which he wipes his hands on every nearby surface: hair, his clothes, our clothes, the table, the chair - he doesn't discriminate. Michael is also starting to show distinct food preferences. He's getting a combination of baby food and table food, but we have to feed him the baby food before offering the table food or he won't eat it. If you offer the wrong thing he has no qualms about protesting loudly and throwing food. And of course his wrath rains down upon anyone who dares come near him with a washcloth, so that's fun.

And diaper changes, have I mentioned those? The arching of the back and more exercising of the lungs - sheer joy!

Seriously though, as much as almost-toddlers are little bodies of frustration, there are so many things to love about Michael at this age.

Like how sweet and cuddly he is just waking up from a nap:



And how he talks ALL THE TIME. Harper frequently says, "Michael is sure talkin' up a storm today!" Of course it's 99.9% nonsense, but I love, love, love to hear him babble. I haven't had much luck getting it on tape yet, but I have hope.

I am also finding it amazing how well he is moving around, pulling up, cruising a bit, and figuring out how to get down after he gets up! It amazes me because two months ago he could barely belly crawl across a room.

Aside from the food in the hair, and the arched-back screaming monster who occasionally appears, I find Michael so amusing these days. I could listen to him talk, watch his butt-waggling crawl, and witness his exploration of the world all day long.

So today was Michael's turn in front of the camera. These aren't ground-breaking videos. They aren't even particularly funny or sweet. They are just a little window into our days, and how far Michael has come.

Random Photos and a Random Video

(Look at me and my catchy titles! That one should draw hits from all over the internet!)

So we're in the process of selling my car because of the recent van purchase. It has been parked at the end of our driveway for about a week now. We haven't had a lot of rain during that time and I took some pictures yesterday to show the unbelievable build up of pollen on the car:






All that yellow dust is pollen - wild! No wonder we have such a problem with allergies!

*****

And now a video conversation with Harper:



My favorite part is when she is telling me why she likes Shania Twain and then gets totally derailed as she notices a bug on our window.

And yes, she did accidentally run into her friend on the playground. Who knew preschool could be so rough?

I have no idea what she was saying about the seats on the minivan - let me know if anyone else can interpret that.

Hoot!

Harper is trying to convince me that we should watch a Barbie movie (gag) this afternoon.

"Do you like Barbie?" she asks.

"Meh."

"Do you like ballet, it's a ballet movie!"

"I don't really want to watch Barbie do ballet."

"Mom, don't you like happy endings?"

It's hard to argue with that. But I'm still not watching the Barbie movie with her!

Food Allergy Awareness Week: Loose Ends

So there are still several questions about food allergies, or Harper's allergy, that I haven't answered and Food Allergy Awareness Week was technically over yesterday.

Instead of posting another marathon post tonight, I'm thinking I'll just pick a day here and there to be an allergy day and pull out some of the unanswered questions then. They are all worth discussing!

Incidentally if you have a pressing question that you really want answered, don't be afraid to email me and I can get back to you pretty quickly (despite what my email track record might suggest).

Things that I hope to cover in the future:

• what we think/do about other nuts (tree nuts) and seeds
• our experience with other people "getting it" and cooperating (or not) with our requests
• theories on avoidance vs. early exposure to highly allergenic foods
• research being done and current hopes for treatment of food allergies

I'm so thankful for the positive response I've had to these posts. Of course I'm not technically an expert, but I have spent so much time reading/thinking/talking about handling Harper's food allergy that I believe my experience definitely counts for something.

I'm also really encouraged by those of you who say you've learned something here. I don't ever think the world will (or should) be nut free, but I do hope we can help each other be more sensitive to the special needs of all our kids and find some small ways to make the world just a little bit safer.

By the way, guess what they found under the seats when they were detailing our new (old) van...

Peanut shells!

How glad am I that we didn't let Harper get in to take a look before having it cleaned?

Food Allergy Awareness Week: Technical Stuff In Three Parts

Part One: Prior/Indirect Exposure

A couple of people have asked questions about Harper's level of exposure to peanut products before she had that first reaction. Trust me when I say we were not a peanut free house - not by any stretch of the imagination. Matt at peanut butter and jelly several times a week. We at candy with peanut butter in it, granola bars with nuts in them, peanut butter toast, and at least once a week gave the dog peanut butter inside a rubber chew toy. I know she'd had bites of granola bars which may have had peanuts in them and she may have been exposed through plain M&Ms. In fact we know she'd had at least one exposure before the peanut jar incident, because you can't have an allergic reaction to something without first being sensitized to it. And I know I ate peanuts and peanut butter while I was nursing and while I was pregnant.

In fact, Harper had terrible eczema during the first year of her life - there was one spot on her cheek that was always very raw looking. Our pediatrician sort of dismissed it, kids have eczema and it isn't necessarily a big deal. It cleared up instantly when I stopped nursing her. So I am pretty sure that eczema was a reaction to peanut protein she was getting through my breast milk. I wished I had tried harder to find the cause of it while I was still nursing her. I don't think I CAUSED Harper's allergy with this exposure, but it may have been exacerbated. The allergist told me to strictly avoid peanuts if I got pregnant again and I did not have a single peanut (to my knowledge) while I was carrying Michael or when he was drinking my breast milk.

At the very least I would caution other parents to watch children carefully for signs of a reaction the first several times they eat a highly allergenic food like peanut butter - even if you're sure they've already been exposed to peanut products around your home.

Also - people can develop allergies to anything at any point in their lives. I don't think that means we all need to walk around with epi pens, but just because a child does not have an allergic history with a food doesn't mean they can never become allergic.

Part Two: Testing/Outgrowing a Peanut Allergy

There are different theories out there about how and when children, even those with known allergies, ought to be tested. There are two tests (to my knowledge) for food allergies; one is a blood test and one is a skin test. Harper has had repeated blood tests to check her peanut allergy levels and has had blood and skin tests to rule out other allergies (tree nuts, oranges, sunflower seeds - those are the ones I can think of). Our allergist told us that a negative blood test can leave you 75% certain a child is not allergic and you only get 100% when you pair it with a negative skin test. We have never skin-tested Harper for peanuts as we know from her blood tests and history that she is allergic.

We have Harper tested about once a year. In terms of her peanut allergy we retest her to see how the numbers are trending. When we go in for her peanut allergy testing we will add other tests if there are foods we are concerned about.

Discouragingly, Harper's peanut allergy numbers have skyrocketed since she was first diagnosed. I have read that numbers tend to peak around age three (I can offer no explanation for this, but it is a silly thing that I hold on to) - this year we'll test her again before school begins so maybe we'll find her numbers have stabilized or even dropped some.

Only about 20% of children with peanut allergies outgrow them, and those who do tend to have low numbers to begin them and outgrow them at a young age, typically by about five years old. Peanut (and I believe tree nut as well) allergies are more likely to stick around than some others that are common in young children, like dairy and egg allergies.

A food challenge, done under close medical supervision, is the ultimate way to determine whether an allergy has been outgrown. Harper's numbers are nowhere near low enough for us to consider such a thing.

I get nervous when I hear people talk about "mild" peanut allergies. Everything I have read and been told states that there is no such thing. Peanut allergies are volatile, a past reaction is not necessarily an indicator of what a future reaction will look like, and even people with low numbers can have severe reactions to a tiny amount of peanut protein. We have always treated Harper's allergy as "severe" even when her numbers were low.

Part Three: Medications

Swistle asked specifically about EpiPens and how they work, plus some other questions about what happens when an allergic reaction occurs. Here is my very non-scientific, non-medical, as well as I understand it explanation...

An EpiPen is basically loaded with adrenalene, which can work to reverse the effects of an anaphylactic reaction. Prompt use of an EpiPen during an allergic reaction can temporarily relieve swelling and hives (which can restrict the airway) and counteract a sudden drop in blood pressure, all of which may occur in the case of a severe allergic reaction. Often EpiPens are used in conjunction with Benadryl, and it is my understanding that Benadryl can help combat a minor reaction and provide comfort for things like itchy hives. Benadryl is not going to be life-saving in the case of a severe reaction.

Depending on the severity of the reaction, the medication in an EpiPen can start to wear off after ten to fifteen minutes. With very few exceptions we always carry at least two EpiPens (We are NEVER without one). Most of the time we also carry Benadryl and a rescue inhaler (which is for asthma difficulty and would not help in an allergic emergency). It is helpful for people at risk for anaphylactic shock to know whether their local emergency response teams carry epinepherine and what their response time is likely to be. People in areas where it would be difficult for the paramedics to get to them should have more than two EpiPens available.

In a severe reaction medication would be needed at the hospital and perhaps for several days after - I have heard of people having severe reactions and then having trouble with hives for days afterward.

There is also a risk of something called a biphasic reaction, in which a second reaction comes on hours after the first and often stronger. If we ever went to the emergency room for an allergic reaction and were discharged less than six hours after our arrival, I would wait in a waiting area or lobby until that amount of time had gone by, to be sure we weren't away from medical assistance if a biphasic reaction occured.

One thing our allergist really drilled into my head was the fact that it is always better to use the EpiPen than wait and see. She told us that is the number one mistake patients and care-givers make - waiting too long to use it or not using it at all. It is possible to reach a point in an allergic reaction when an EpiPen will no longer help. That's why, at school for example, Harper's EpiPens are supposed to go with her (carried by a teacher) whenever she leaves the classroom. It's also why we would not agree to a situation where her EpiPen had to be locked in the school office, as many other meds are. In an allergic emergency there really may not be time to run and retreive the EpiPen.

*****

In many ways I feel like my posts this week have been a poor attempt to convey all we've learned about dealing with food allergies - it is overwhelming to attempt to pair the information swimming around my brain down to any reasonable length! For people who are really interested in learning more, and would perhaps like a more proper technical explanation of all of this, I recommend The Peanut Allergy Answer Book.

On a final note - we bought a used minivan today! Yea!

The first thing we did was take it to a car wash to be detailed (really, really thoroughly cleaned) because I want to make sure there is no peanut residue in the van when I put the children in it. I'm telling you, this allergy thing never ends.

Food Allergy Awareness Week: Going Public

Thank you to everyone who was so understanding of yesterday's grumpity post. It does seem like a good time to talk a little more about our forays into public spaces and how Harper's peanut allergy has influenced some of our decisions. I am going to address a couple of comments/questions specifically...

Anne mentioned that her twins go to a peanut free school, but the kids eat peanut butter for breakfast many mornings. They wash up after breakfast, but she wondered if they were putting allergic students at risk anyway (I'm paraphrasing!).

At the beginning of the school year we asked that the children in Harper's class who eat peanuts or peanut butter in the morning have their hands washed (with soap!), brush their teeth, and change their shirts. Whether everyone abides by this we have no way of knowing. The truth is that peanut protein can be stubborn. Hot water alone will not rid a surface of residual peanut residue. And it only takes a very little bit to cause a reaction.

So yes, there is a scenario in which the peanut butter a child eats at breakfast, if not cleaned up, could come to school on little hands. The hands touch a toy in the preschool room. The child with a peanut allergy plays with that toy and a contact reaction occurs. Or said child puts her hands in her mouth after playing with the toy and an ingestion (more serious) reaction occurs.

I think two ways about this:

1) If we want to make absolutely sure we never, ever run into peanut residue we can never leave our house. And we can never invite into our house anyone who has possibly eaten peanuts or peanut butter. Which, for us, for now, is not a realistic way to live. We take a calculated risk every time Harper sits in a shopping cart, picks up a library book, puts her hand on a playground swing, and goes to school.

2) I DO want parents to take the precautions seriously, like Anne does, because as unlikely as it may seem that Harper ends up reacting to something someone ate an hour ago for breakfast, it is possible. My worry is that parents are reading those notices (or not reading them at all I guess) and thinking that we're being too far fetched in our efforts and not following through on things like cleaning up after breakfast. This sort of dismissive attitude DOES put Harper at greater risk, no matter how small.

As much as we tell little kids NOT to put hands and toys (and the ends of crayons and the play food, etc.) in their mouths, they do, and that's why we ask for after breakfast tooth-brushing, too.

Giselle asked if we avoid particular public spaces because parents like her might pack PB&J for messy little kids to eat there.

The answer to that one is yes and no. I do try to avoid places, like a children's museum public eating area, that is likely to have LOTS of peanut residue. It is most often easier to eat at home and plan our excursions around meals. BUT there are plenty of situations where we do have to eat in public spaces and then we're talking again about risk management. I always carry wipes with me (plain water won't cut it, but baby wipes and clorox type wipes are pretty good) and wipe down tables and chairs where Harper would eat. We are extra careful with restaurant booster seats - even if the restaurant doesn't serve nuts, who knows what the previous client brought along for her toddler to munch on. I would NEVER let Harper place her food directly on the table in a public eating place.

In those kinds of situations I actually worry more that kids have eaten peanut butter for lunch, and not had their hands cleaned well before heading back to the play areas - as much as I'd like to, I can't go ahead and wipe down every touchable surface in a children's museum or on the playground.

I don't think any of you should feel bad about bringing peanut products into those kinds of public places (Although it REALLY bothers me when people bring food into "no food allowed areas", keep it in the cafeteria!). I do think it is good sense to attempt to clean up after yourselves and to clean your kids' hands before they head back out to play. I'm guessing most of you would do that anyway, without even considering the benefit to the children who may come along with food allergies. I will admit to having the occasional panicked moments in those types of public places!

If Harper started having many contact reactions (mild or severe) we would probably reevalute how we make our decisions about what is safe in terms of outings.

Chris wondered if eating at the field trip might have been like practice for the time when Harper won't be eating in a peanut-free environment.

It's true that eventually (most likely in grade school) Harper will have to eat lunch in a room where there are people eating peanut butter. We'll not think too much about that tonight, lest I begin to hyperventilate. But for most allergic kids sitting at a peanut-free table is precaution enough. It is possible to be so severely allergic that one would react to the peanuts someone was eating across the room. We don't believe that Harper's allergy is currently that sensitive (knock on wood). For some children their allergies are so severe they cannot attend a school where other students are consuming foods they are allergic to. We are thankful not to be in that situation (knock on wood, again).

Harper probably could have stayed and had lunch with her classmates, but we are constantly evaluating risk. Matt knew that they were finished with the exploring/learning part of their field trip and that Harper wouldn't be missing anything besides lunch if they left early. Better safe than sorry!


Whew! That's enough for this post, if anyone is still reading! There are more great questions to address and feel free to add thoughts in the comments. I am incapable of being short-winded when it comes to this allergy stuff, so you'll have to bear with me this week. Thanks!

Food Allergy Awareness Week: Field Trip Tidbit

Matt accompanied Harper on a field trip today.

Ugh - field trips.

I could say a lot about field trips.

I will say more later.

Today Harper went with all the preschoolers from her school to a dairy. They got to see/feed animals (Harper wearing gloves because we couldn't be 100% sure the goat feed was free of peanut products). They got to watch a video about milking and got to milk "cow statues" (term credit: Harper). They got to sample some of the ice cream made on the premises (deemed safe after I talked to the general manager on the phone for nearly an hour one day last week). They rode a hay-less hay ride. And then they were all supposed to sit down to lunch together.

Even though no less than three information sheets went home about the field trip which asked people please not to pack peanut butter or peanut products in their lunches, people did. So Matt left early with Harper and she had her lunch at home instead of with her classmates. Once again (remember Valentines?) parents either failed to read the notes from school or chose to ignore them.

I was not happy.

A) It's preschool, if you can't read the volume of "mail" that comes home from preschool you are going to have trouble when your kid is in grade school. Or has to apply to college, or summer camp.

B) Ignoring the request that you not send peanut products to the trip could have endangered my kid's life - thanks!

C) I know, it is kind of a pain to make lunch for a four-year-old without peanut butter... Welcome to my world!

Grrrrr.

I totally supported Matt's decision (better safe than sorry) but am once again miffed that there was even a decision to be made.

Food Allergy Awareness Week: How We Found Out

It was May 2006 when we found out that Harper was allergic to peanuts, which was ironic, as "peanut" was one of her main nicknames.

When I taught first grade I had a student one year who was allergic to peanuts, which was the only reason I knew anything at all about peanut allergies before Harper was diagnosed. If I hadn't had that awareness our story might have turned out differently and I am so thankful for everything that family taught me.

The week of Mother's Day I had been to the pediatrician with Harper for her 18-month well-check. At that very appointment I had asked her about giving Harper peanut butter. AT the time she wouldn't eat much meat and I was nervous about getting enough protein into her, as well as just having another option for lunch time. We had no history of food allergies in our family and the doctor said we could probably go ahead and try it, despite the general recommendation that peanuts not be given until at least two years of age. THANK GOD I did not put a bite of peanut butter sandwich into Harper's mouth.

Here's what happened:

We were in the kitchen and (seriously, my stomach aches writing about this) Harper pulled the plastic jar of peanuts from a pantry shelf. She was shaking it kind of like a rattle and I was happy to let her play with the harmless plastic jar while I finished unloading the dishwasher.

A few moments later she managed to get the lid unscrewed and dumped the entire contents of the jar into her lap. My initial concern was that she would try to eat one of the peanuts and choke. I never took my eyes off of her so I know she didn't eat any peanuts, but she did have her hands in the big dusty pile. I scooped her up out of the mess and kind of dusted her off before depositing her in the pack'n'play while I swept up and vacuumed in the kitchen.

I retrieved Harper from baby prison and we sat down at her little table in the kitchen with some crayons. After a few minutes I looked up and noticed she was scratching her arm. Then I saw that she had a few blotchy hives on her arms and as I looked I could actually watch them spreading. I immediately thought of the peanuts and shakily dialed the number for our pediatrician's office.

I breathlessly explained what was happening and when I told her I didn't have any children's Benadryl, and that we were less than a mile from the office, she said to bring her right in. By the time we got to the office one of her eyes was starting to swell shut. They rushed us right back and immediately gave her a dose of Benadryl. Within about twenty minutes it started to work.

Fortunately Harper did not have any breathing difficulty with that first reaction. We were lucky. Lots of families discover their children's allergies when they experience anaphylactic shock after a taste of peanuts or peanut butter. I know one family who found out their daughter was allergic after she reacted to a plain M&M.

We left our pediatrician's office that day with instructions for continuing to administer the Benadryl and I think some steroids to help with the hives. We also had a prescription for epi-pens. And I made an appointment with a pediatric allergist as soon as possible. Our first round of testing showed that Harper was definitely allergic to peanuts. This marked the beginning of a very long journey for us.

This is a topic I feel I could write about forever. I got some great questions last week that I plan to address over the next several days, and keep them coming!

*****
In other news, here's one for the What The Heck file... when I got Michael out of his crib after his nap this afternoon, look what was on the side of his head:





I'm calling bug bites or really unfortunate repeated encounter with crib bars, but if I believed such things I would totally put my money on the fact that aliens have marked my kid.

Nervous Tummy

Right now Matt and Harper are at a local minor league baseball game. We used to go to games fairly often, but, as you can imagine, baseball parks are huge danger zones for people with peanut allergies. I even get nervous when Matt goes to the ball game because I worry about the peanut dust that might enter our cars or the house after he's been to a game. The only reason she went with him is that he had access to a suite through work. When they watch the game from a suite we can have pretty decent control over what food does or does not enter the room. Still, I will feel anxious the entire time they are gone. After I finish this post I will head to the kitchen to clean up dinner and do some laundry and write some thank you notes and whatever else I can do to stop myself from sitting by the phone holding my breath.

Before Michael went to bed I was distracted by trying to take a picture of the two of us:


This seems as good a time as any to let you know that next week, May 10-16, is the 12th annual Food Allergy Awareness Week.

I don't talk peanut allergies too often here, but I have discussed it some and I am occasionally surprised at the way that discussion has helped people who read what I have to say.

I received a couple of allergy questions back in November when I was looking for things to post about every day for a month. So my plan is to address some of those next week as well as any additional questions you might have for me. If there is anything you've wanted to ask about Harper's peanut allergy and how we deal with it, now is the time to speak up! If enough questions/comments arise, I may try to address a different aspect or set of questions each day.

Okay - I'm off to keep busy!

How Could I Possibly Need a Break from Them?

For the most part, Harper is too old to need a nap in the afternoon. She's quite capable of falling asleep at that time, but then can't settle down for bed at night. However, in order to maintain a little sanity, we have often have afternoon "quiet time" during which Michael naps and she plays quietly in her room so I can accomplish something/read/email/ nap myself /etc.

Today things had gotten pretty quiet in there and when I went to investigate I found this mess:


And this sleeping beauty:


Meanwhile, it has been more and more difficult to get Michael to nap, as he has learned to do this:



The first day Michael figured out how to actually get to his feet I had to go back into his room at nap time to lay him down four different times before he gave in. Haha! My will is strong! I can outlast the one-year-old!


Again, I am lacking some cohesiveness with this post. The real reason I wanted to write today is to share the early Mother's Day gift I received last weekend. Matt made arrangements for me to have a day off!

I was given a card containing a hotel reservation for this coming Saturday night, at a hotel near some great shopping, and some spending money! I'll leave Saturday morning and come back late Sunday morning - with plenty of time to celebrate the rest of Mother's Day with Matt, Harper, Michael, and Mike and Ann.

At first I wondered, "Is it sad that I'm so thrilled with a gift that means I get to spend time away from my family?"

But of course it's not sad. It doesn't mean that I don't appreciate them. It's just a wonderful recognition, on Matt's part, that alone time to do something fun can be incredibly restorative. The best thing about the gift is that it makes me feel like Matt really does appreciate the things I try to do for our family, regardless of how imperfectly I may do them.

At Least She's Enthusiastic

So many things have brought me joy in parenting, not the least of which is sharing musicals with my children.

The Beginning of the End

There are a lot of things changing around here lately. I'm working, our schedule has done lots of shifting, and Michael is increasingly mobile and increasingly irritable. I have been noticing a big change in Michael's personality these days - he seems much more frustrated than usual.

I think this is normal and it really does make developmental sense. If babies never got frustrated with being plonked down in one place on the floor, they'd never learn to move. So there is the movement that is looking more and more like actual crawling, and then there is the climbing. Michael is able to use just about any surface or object to pull himself up to his knees. There are two problems with this 1) he is not a reliable judge of object stability and 2) his record of returning to the floor without face-planting is not in his favor.


Our wonderful physical therapist has told me over and over that preemies are often lacking in upper arm strength. It does seem that the thought of using his arms to, I don't know, catch himself has not yet occurred to the boy. And he has the forehead bruises to prove it.


As a result of this new found ability to raise himself high enough from the ground to get hurt, I can no longer leave him alone for even a few moments. We all know it is not possible to spend your entire day within arm's reach of your child - which is why God invented pack-n-plays and other containment devices.

While I am greatly appreciative of the pack-n-play, Michael is not.


How about some video evidence?

That's right, my sweet little boy has learned how to throw a tantrum. He's a champ already, proving he can scream louder and longer than even the drama queen of the house.

I try to relegate him to the pack-n-play sparingly, but it is sometimes necessary. The other day I tried to let him play on the kitchen floor while I made dinner. He cried because I wouldn't pick him up, tried to climb up my legs, and bit me on the back of the leg - twice!

Over time I am sure he'll either get used to the pack-n-play or he'll learn to play at my feet without trying to eat them.

In case you're keeping track, other things which are tantrum inducing include:

• putting the Cheerios away
• putting him in his crib
• an empty bowl of food
• attempting to wipe his face
• placing a sippy cup anywhere within a 12 inch radius of his head

Wee! Isn't motherhood fun?

Success!

Once more, thank you thank you thank you to everyone who supported us in the March for Babies walk. AND thank you to all of you who've donated to March of Dimes, even if you didn't donate for me specifically - because it all goes to the same good cause and I'm grateful for all the bloggers out there who are raising their voices and walking.

I would love to tell you that Saturday was this wonderful, magical event and that I spent the entire walk thinking about how lucky I was with my beautiful healthy children and that I also thought quietly about the families who have faced struggles and losses I can't even being to fathom.

Well there was some of that.

It was a glorious day, complete with warm sunshine and questionable mascots.




Harper was fine before the walk, but wasn't such a fan of the actual three-mile stroll. She had a birthday party to go to later in the afternoon and kept turning around in the stroller, asking when we could go home.

The combination of the volume of people and the narrow sidewalks meant we moved at a snail's pace for at least the first half of the walk. The entire route ended up taking us about two hours to shuffle along. Which might explain some of Harper's boredom in the stroller. She did walk a couple of small portions, but I think the whole walking thing was soured for her when she tripped and fell within the first ten minutes.


It was a fairly windy day, which means every other thing someone said as we walked was, "What?! I can't hear you!"

Auntie M and Matt were able to walk with the children and I, though I would like it noted that I was the only one who pushed the stroller with 60 pounds of children inside.

I will definitely walk again next year, if at all possible, but may stick to the shorter "Family Fun Walk" if the children come along again. It wasn't exactly the family bonding experience I'd imagined.

Despite the day feeling a little less magical than I'd hoped, I did feel grateful for my healthy children and I was mindful of families traveling a more difficult road than ours.

AND we raised about $1,200 for March of Dimes, which is the very best news of all.

Here are the kiddos, back at home, with the "magic wand" (Harper's term) that had our team name on it - the stars had lined the sidewalk leading up to the start.

The Big Day

I know a three-mile walk isn't exactly the Ironman or anything, but I'm feeling excited about the March for Babies tomorrow morning.

Matt and Auntie M will be walking with the kiddos and I - the weather looks like it will be perfect, now I'm adding a meltdown-free stroll to my wish list for tomorrow morning!

I will wait until late tonight to print out my sponsor form, so it isn't too late to give a dollar or two to support the good work of the March of Dimes organization.

Touched

It was only about twelve days ago that I decided, at what felt like the last minute, to participate in this year's March for Babies. Matt and I reached out, through this blog, through Facebook, through email, to our friends and family, asking for support. I nervously set $200 as my personal goal on our March for Babies team website and it was surpassed in the first 48 hours. So I decided to up my goal a little, afraid to seem too bold or ask for too much, and I held my breathe as I typed in $5oo.

And here we are, four days before the walk, just a hair shy of $1,000!



I am beyond grateful for the amazing and generous support of the communities we've reached out to. And now I'm fairly confident, with four days left, that our total will exceed the $1,000. Which, whoa, I just don't even know what to say about that. Thank you.

And it looks like the weather will be gorgeous here on Saturday - so thank you to everyone who is sending us good weather vibes - it's working! I tried to explain to Harper what we were going to be doing and how we were raising money to help babies like Michael and families like ours. She listened attentively, waited for me to finish, looked up, and said, "I just don't understand what you're talking about." Then she skipped away and came out of her room later with bathing suit bottoms on her head.


Thank you for all the wonderful ways you support our goofy family.

Mmmmm-wah!
(That's us, blowing you a kiss.)

Back to the Arboretum

Most years, in the spring, I've taken a trip to the arboretum specifically to get pictures of the early flowers. Last year that portion of the arboretum was being "improved" and we did not get our usual tulip pictures. When today came up gorgeous I knew we'd better go!

For the record Harper had a blast, Michael was not necessarily impressed.


I often have trouble refraining from adding a ridiculous number of photos to my posts, but the outdoor excursion ones are the worst - kids look so nice in natural light!

Matt was coaching today, but his dad, Dziatku, joined us at the arboretum. This explains the presence of the Tigers cap in the above photo! Did you know Matt was born in Detroit?


I spoke briefly with my own dad today, who was quick to point out that I hadn't updated the blog in over a week! I was quick to point out that it has actually only been six days. The subbing job is going well, but getting out of the house so early every morning is kicking my butt. I am managing to go to be early (for me, anyway) some nights, but not all nights. I'm working on it. I have a feeling this blog may continue to be a little neglected for the next several weeks, as well as my email, and commenting on/reading other blogs. How do you full-time working people find time for this stuff without staying up all night?!


Things are going a lot better with Michael at the babysitter's -whew! After the Easter weekend ER trip I suspect at least some of his distress was that he really wasn't feeling well. The ER doc told us that the croupy cough gets really bad about three days into being sick. Which would mean he was already sick when we started leaving him with Miss R.

The last two days of this work week I went to pick him up and he was sitting out in the front yard happily playing with Miss R and her son. Michael's been a little clingier than usual this past week, but I am much less worried that we are traumatizing him with the whole babysitter set-up.


I'm excited to get out more with the kids this year. Harper is old enough that I don't have panic about being close to a bathroom at all times. And she is old enough that I (mostly) trust her not to run away from me. Michael is young enough to still be in diapers and be (mostly) contained in the stroller. I think this summer and next summer will be good ones for outings. I find age three, Michael in two years, a very difficult age for outings because children are still relatively clueless about big dangers (busy streets, falling from high places, etc.), are willing to run far away from you and NOT willing to be trapped in a stroller, and are likely to need to be whisked away to the bathroom with thirty seconds notice.


With the exception of last year, when I was worried we'd never leave the house again, I always thrill with the possibility of outdoor adventures this time of year. Then again, I got sunburned today (I remembered to protect the kids at least!) and as soon as the temperature gets close to eighty degrees it will feel HOT and I will be less excited about being out of the air conditioning... I'm a weather wuss for sure.


You may have noticed this before now, but I think cohesiveness is a highly overrated quality in blog posts.


Especially when they end with money shots of the children!

A Year Ago

In all the hustle and bustle of beginning my sub job and getting ready to head out of town this weekend, a very important day went by without mention. One year ago, on April 8, we brought Michael home from the hospital, 30 days after his birth. Our sweet boy spent the first 30 days of his life in the NICU, instead of home with us, and it was a very long 30 days.

Michael was in the NICU to give him time to grow and to learn the skills babies need to survive. How to coordinate sucking, swallowing, and breathing in order to eat and maintaining their own body temperatures are two things preemies are generally not born able to do. Michael's difficulties as a preemie were mild compared to many, but it was still one of the most difficult times of my life and of our life as a family.

Throughout our experience with a pregnancy that became difficult and Michael's early birth, we were mindful of those who'd come before us to inspire research and discover ways to help babies be born healthy or rise to meet the challenges they face as a result of being born too soon. We are especially grateful for the work of March of Dimes on behalf of babies like Michael.

Last year I was too shell-shocked to participate in our local March for Babies walk, but it has been in the back of my mind that our family needed to get involved. Some difficult events in the past week or two have helped me decide to take action. This year I am walking. I am walking for Michael. I am walking for other babies like Michael. I am walking for families whose stories don't have happy endings. And I am walking for all the babies and families March of Dimes has yet to help.

You may be reading here today because someone directed you to us as Michael's story was unfolding. You may be here because you are a long time friend or part of our family. You may have landed here by accident, but feel you know us a bit because you kept reading. However you came to be here, I invite you to support our family and families like ours. You can send wishes for good weather so I can share the March for Babies walk with my children (I'm not taking them in the rain!). You can offer a positive thought that I meet my fund raising goal. You can make a small donation to March of Dimes by sponsoring me - just click the link on the right.

Oh, and for those of you who read about our most recent ER adventure, Michael is feeling much better. I suspect he'll be very happy to be back home tomorrow. As I type he is thrashing around in his pack-n-play, apparently attempting to stay up all night. We left Wisconsin and are spending the night in an Indiana hotel room - an effort to shorten tomorrow's drive!

Over the River and Through the Woods

To Grandmother's ER we go!

What a 24 hours we've had. After very little sleep Thursday night (up late packing, fretting about that I'd forgotten to pack - pull ups and deodorant, it turns out) and an early work day Friday, we headed for Wisconsin around 1:15 Friday afternoon.

The trip ended up taking us about eight hours - during which Michael slept a total of about 45 minutes. At least he was pleasant in the car, babbling, playing with toys, and watching the cars and trucks pass on the freeway.

We got to my parents' house and took our time getting the kids in bed, knowing their schedules were pretty much out the window for the weekend. Michael screamed and screamed and screamed before finally falling asleep around 11 p.m. (midnight, Ohio time!). And then he woke up shortly before 2 a.m. fussing and coughing that awful barking cough. It took me a few minutes to get my head around the fact that he was really having some trouble breathing. We tried using his inhaler (the one we got the last time we were here) and it gave him no relief at all. Clearly we were going to have to take him to the hospital at some point today and we finally decided that we may as well just go in the middle of the night, rather than fretting for hours first.

The people at Children's Hospital of Wisconsin were wonderful and it was a little easier this time because we were already in their computer system. The doctors diagnosed croup pretty quickly. They determined he sounded bad enough that he needed a hefty dose of steroids, as well as a breathing treatment. Unfortunately the breathing treatment meant he had to be monitored for a couple of hours. The meds they were using sent his heart rate pretty high, which was expected. Between that and the alburterol we'd given him at home he was WILD. He screamed his (large) head off during the breathing treatment, Matt and I both had to get involved to keep him from tearing the mask from his face. Then I tried to lay down with him on my chest so we could get a little rest - he slept about another 45 minutes. (For those keeping track, between waking up at 6:30 Friday morning and going down for a nap at 10 a.m. this morning, Michael had slept for a total of about five hours - this from a kid who normally sleeps closer to 14 hours in a 24 hour period.) We were finally sent back home little after six-thirty this morning.

As we left the ER one of the nurses working at the desk joked that they'd go ahead and make a reservation for us for our return to Wisconsin in June.

The Details

So we survived the first day of work.

I'm not sure we'll ever get used to the morning rush, but it was awfully nice to be settled in at home by noon-ish.

Unfortunately Michael cried nearly the entire time he was at the babysitter's this morning. (Pardon me while I remove the knife from my heart.)

I realize I didn't really address our childcare situation when I posted yesterday. Here's what is happening:

I'm subbing at the elementary school where Harper is in preschool Monday-Thursday we have it worked out so she can come to school with me and leave with me. On Fridays one or both of Matt's parents will watch her.

Michael is going to a babysitter's - a wonderful woman who lives in the neighborhood just a couple of blocks from the school.

We felt it was unreasonable to ask Matt's parents to watch Michael full time and decided it would be easier on him if things were consistent. So he is it the sitter's five mornings a week and Harper will get some special time with Matt's parents on Fridays - which is great for her, as adult attention all to herself has been in short supply.

We have left Michael before, with Matt's parents, and with the high school girl who helped us when I tutored this summer, but it's always been at our house. I think being left with a stranger in a strange place was just a little much for him this morning. I don't expect a 100% turn-around tomorrow, but I think he'll be a much happier camper by the end of next week.

I don't know what this says about me as a mother, but when I am teaching I find it pretty difficult to think about anything other than the task at hand, so I didn't spend my whole morning fretting about Michael. Although, knowing how today went, I'll probably worry a little more tomorrow.

We're headed up to Wisconsin to celebrate Easter with my side of the family. We'll leave tomorrow afternoon and return Monday (yes, they needed to find a sub for the sub!). In case I don't get to the computer while we're up there - I hope you all have wonderful weekends!

Heigh-Ho, Heigh-Ho

It's off to work I go!

So tomorrow morning I'm going to get up early (EARLY!), get the kids ready, and go to work.

And then I'm going to do it again the next day.

And again.

And again.

Every weekday for about the next eight weeks.

Huh?

It is a bit of a long story, how this all came to be, and I'm not going into it tonight because I should probably be sleeping already. . .

I have taken a long term substitute teaching job that will begin tomorrow and last until the end of the school year. However, it isn't quite as dramatic as it sounds because. . .

I'll only be working half days!

I've known about this for maybe a month now? And every time I start to freak out about what a huge, despite being temporary, change this will be for us, I take a step back and remind myself that the kids and I will be home by noon every day.

I have been reluctant to write about the situation because I was a little fearful of offending someone by bringing up the whole stay-at-home vs. work outside the home debate. Right now I have many thoughts about the stay-at-home or not situation and what it means for our family specifically. Part of the reason I took this job was to get a little taste of what my returning to work might be like for us.

I am subbing for the maternity leave of an elementary intervention specialist, working with small groups of fourth graders on reading, writing, and math. I'll be working right up to the end of the school year. Kind of wild to think that summer vacation is only about eight weeks away!

Wish me luck.

Please.

Milestones

The first:

Michael's first birthday was a smashing success. You should be able to click on the collage to see larger images. We had a smallish, calmish party that was laid back and wonderful. It happened to involve only a handful of close family and friends, all people I am comfortable enough with not to have worried terribly about a sparkling house or fancy food.

Michael received a bounty of gifts, including summer clothes, some new toys and books, and some change for his college fund. (No pressure kid.) He also enjoyed his first dessert, an angel food cupcake. The frosting didn't take to the cupcake very well, sliding off onto his chin in one sugary motion. Michael did not mind.

I have a small bit of mommy guilt because his cake didn't look like anything - Harper's first was a dog. Here's my reasoning. . . he really hadn't shown a particular interest in any animal or object just yet. I did frost the cake yellow because "You are My Sunshine" seems to be his favorite song when I'm singing to him. It wasn't totally devoid of meaning!


The second:

Harper has shown and increasing interest in letters/words throughout this school year and has started doing some reading. She's had lots of practice "sounding out" words. Her interest in reading has tumbled over into an interest in writing her own words. We talk about stretching the words out and listening to the sounds they make. She's had lots of "spelling" practice playing with the fridge phonics while I make lunch or dinner.

So she was playing with some happy meal toys at the kitchen table a couple of weeks ago and acting out some drama with good guys and bad guys who were fighting. (Oh - it's the recipe for a campfire skit!) She wanted the good guys to remember to kill the bad guys and asked if she could write some "'structions" on a napkin.

(Sidebar: I was a little freaked out to hear her talking so enthusiastically about things killing! each other. That's silly though, right? It was just play and she's not overly violent as a rule. . . )

I tried and tried to scan the resulting instructions so you could see them, but the crayon on napkin writing was just not dark enough. So I will transcribe for you, the only help I gave her was when she asked me whether kill began with c or k. She wrote:

"kil the sptr and geng"

Harper's first sentence! It was supposed to say, "Kill the spider and Green Gobbler." It probably doesn't seem like she came that close, but if you look at her writing and think about the words she intended she actually hit many of the important sounds.

My favorite part of teaching first grade was helping kids grow as readers and writers. To witness and support my own child going through this process is just blowing my mind!

Way to go kid.

Proud

Yesterday Harper was scheduled to return to the dentist. You may remember that the last time we went a) Michael screamed his head off for the entire visit and b) Harper had herself a little pukefest in the backseat on the way home.

Our local school system is on spring break this week, which means Auntie M was on hand to keep track of Michael while Harper and I took care of the dentist appointment. Harper was good as gold, just like last time, until we got to the fluoride part. This would be an instance when her incredible imagination is not such a blessing. We brought the "throw-up bowl" for the car ride, just in case we had a repeat situation on the way home. Once the cleaning was over I asked the hygienist about whether a fluoride treatment could be done once a year, instead of every six months. Rookie mistake!

Once Harper thought the treatment was optional her eyes welled up with tears and she started to say, "I want to go home now Mommy. Can we please go home? I want to be finished." Poor thing.

The hygienist we had this visit was the same as Harper's first visit, when she hadn't had fluoride. She was shocked when she learned they had used the tray to administer fluoride last time. She told me she could brush it on instead, she could control the amount that went in Harper's mouth, and that Harper could use the suction whenever she felt like she needed to swallow.

Harper was still panicking a bit, so I sat down on the chair in front of her and offered to sing her "Little Bunny Foo Foo" (I learned a version at summer camp that totally cracks her up, but I LOATHE singing it over and over and over.) too take her mind off of what was happening. She finally agreed. Other than claiming she needed to swallow about every half a second, Harper got through the treatment just fine and picked a paddle ball toy out of the treasure chest.

So we got home without incident and Harper was showing off her paddle ball to Auntie M when Auntie M broke it. Accidentally of course, it was cheaper than cheap, but she felt awful. And Harper could tell she felt awful. And even after having been through the fluoride trauma and being so excited about her cheapo toy, she looked at Auntie M and said, "That's okay. I have lots of other fun toys to play with." That's what's made me a proud mama this week.

Harper has plenty of moments when I silently pray I'm not raising some sort of psychopath, but every once in a while she really comes through. As she grows I think that's the part that will stick.

Photo of Harper after she got into her top dresser drawer and put on a headband and a too small swimming suit with too small tights on top of it! I guess I need to clean out her drawers again.