Monday, March 31, 2008


Sigh. I like to think I am not one of those people who believes everything happens to them and the universe is out to get them. . . I generally have a pretty sunny outlook and try not to get too bogged down by things.

However - I am feeling just a little put upon by the universe these days.

Yesterday was kind of crazy (since our relatives and friends actually have lives it was a day when I pretty much had Harper on my own!) and I forgot to take my antibiotic, both doses. I know, I know, shame on me. Even though I've been to the doctor for my follow-up appointment and there was no longer any sign of infection, I know that I am supposed to finish the entire prescription. So I took another dose today. By the time I got home from visiting Michael I realized I was covered, completely covered, in red splotches. We are talking head to toe coverage and mild itching. It was late and, not knowing what else to do, I called the pharmacist. He suspects an allergic reaction to sulfa drugs, told me to stop taking the antibiotic, and kindly looked up which kind of antihistamine I could safely take without goofing up my breast milk. Of course the one kind we had in the house was not safe, so Matt kindly ran to the Walgreen's up the road and procured some Claritin for me.

I'm really thinking a few uneventful months (or even weeks) would be welcome right about now.


Michael is doing well and may even come home this week. He weighs nearly five pounds (I bet he'll be there by morning). He has be promoted to "ad lib" feeding; which means he can take as much or as little as he wants and he ate like a horse today. He pulled his feeding tube out a couple of nights ago and has been doing well enough with the bottles that they haven't put it back in. We have been asked to bring his car seat in so they can do a car seat study. That is one of the tests he must pass before coming home. They may move him to a crib, as opposed to an isolette, as early as tomorrow and see if he can maintain his body temp on his own. He even passed his hearing test today. He originally failed it, but the technician realized how young he was and said he probably shouldn't have had it yet. Now that his ears have checked out I'm going to ditch all the brochures about hearing impairment she sent home with me after his first test. That's one thing I can check off my list of worries, for now.

Of course I'm happy that Michael is doing so well. But I'm really terrified to bring him home. I worry that he won't really be ready, despite knowing that they wouldn't send him if he wasn't. I worry that between feeding and caring for him, and pumping which I'll still have to do for a while, that I won't have any attention for poor Harper. And I worry about never feeling rested again, at least not for 18 years or so. I think bringing Michael home would be intimidating enough if he were full term, but his prematurity makes me extra nervous.

I pretty much freak out when I think of the logistics of it all, especially since Matt has already had his time off work and will be out of town this weekend. But I am really excited for Harper to meet her brother.


We may be talking the big sister thing up a bit too much. I don't know the exact context but tonight Matt was saying something to Harper about how her behavior wasn't up to big sister standards and she told him she quit being a big sister. Oops. Here's hoping that having Michael at home will change her mind about that!


Julie said...

Don't worry...once Harper sees her wee lil' brother, she'll step right into the role of the caring big sister. I'm glad to hear that Michael is doing better.

Giselle said...

I can't imagine how nerve-wracking bringing a preemie home would be. I am literally trying not to FREAK OUT about bringing home a baby in the next few weeks...and he will hopefully be big, fat, and happy. Okay, hopefully not TOO big and fat, but you know what I mean.

I think you are incredibly strong and amazing. I am in awe. And Matt better be working on something SWEET for Mother's Day. You deserve it!

Mommy Daisy said...

You poor girl, I hope that you're feeling better now. Silly allergies.

Michael is growing and making such great progress. It sounds like he'll be there with you soon. Go Michael!

I also think that Harper will be a big helper once Michael comes home. I was the same age when my sister was born, and I loved helping my mom with her. I bet she'll be great!

Erin said...

WOW. Home this week!? That is both so exciting AND terrifying. But of course you are right that he will be fine to come home, since they certainly wouldn't send him if he was not ready. That is great he is feeding so well. Also, BOTH my boys failed the hearing test TWICE. Then they did some alternative test (Calum still failed that the first time in one ear) and they passed (Cal after the second try). Maybe that's why they don't listen to me?

So sorry about the sulfa drug reaction. MAN. I absolutely vote for a BREAK for you already. Sheesh.

It will be hard when Michael comes home. But you and Matt (and Harper) are totally up to it. You ARE, even if you don't feel like it.

Marie Green said...

I too would be terrified about bringing him home... it's just a lot to take over, when he's been cared for by a staff of highly trained around-the-clock nurses... but you are right, they WON'T send him home until he is ready- hold on to that faith!

Preemie babies sleep a ton, from what my friends have experienced, so that should help make the transition smoother. It's not going to be easy, and you may not like your life for awhile, but you CAN do it. And one day, things will be easier again, and you'll be so proud of yourself for rising to this difficult challenge.

Hang in there, and try not to develop any more allergies, ya hear?

Swistle said...

I love that she QUIT the big sister job! Ha ha! I've been a big sister for 32 years and I never thought of that move!

I just saw your counter on the site, the pregnancy-tracking one. Is it TOO TOO WEIRD that right now you would still only be 35 weeks pregnant?? That is NUTS.

Oh, it will be so, so scary bringing him home! But then every day will get a little less scary. And I don't know if your hospital has this, but mine lets you call 24 hours a day if you have questions after you leave.

Emily said...

I agree, you deserve a break from all the craziness. I'm so happy to hear about Michael's progress. I can only imagine how stressful it would be to bring him home, but of course that is one step closer to everything being back to some assemblance of normal. You guys are doing great!