Monday, March 03, 2008

Waiting

Do you get nervous if a day goes by with no new post?

No baby yet! 22 days after the beginning of this whole ordeal. Actually 24 if you count from the very first time we had an idea anything was wrong. That's a lot of growing time. I know many, many people with March birthdays so now I feel like I'm playing some kind of lottery game, waiting to see whose birthday this baby will share. There were a lot of wonderful people born in March and Littlest will be honored to share a birthday with any of them.

So what's going on here? The internet connection continues to come and go, making email especially challenging, but I'm working on it. Please be patient if I owe you one.

Here are some random thoughts:

I never order breakfast before the doctors do rounds, which happens fairly early each morning. It makes me feel strange to think of them standing around examining my breakfast.

I find the whole "rounds" thing very intimidating, even without breakfast involvement. It is just uncomfortable to have that many people standing around looking at you. I have a difficult time asking questions at that time. Fortunately one of the doctors will come in, solo, each morning before rounds. I find one-on-one a much more comfortable scenario.

It was time for a new IV site last night. It took two nurses and three sticks this time, and at least it wasn't in the middle of the night. This one (my fifth!) is on the inside of my left wrist. I am thrilled to give my right arm/hand a break, but I have to say, there really doesn't seem to be any truly comfortable place to have one of those things, especially when you know it is likely to be there for four days.

Tomorrow is the primary election in Ohio and there are several important local issues on the ballot here. I have jumped through hoops to try to get an absentee ballot, but if it doesn't arrive here today I'll be out of luck. I am frustrated by that because I feel like voting is *so* important. At least I know I really have done everything in my power to try to take part in this election.

Harper was something of a terror yesterday. She was naughty in church and didn't behave very well when Mike and Ann (Matt's parents) brought her to visit here. She'd been awake since 5 a.m. My mom left Saturday morning for a much needed week at home, where she hadn't spent but two nights in a month! It is still difficult to watch Harper misbehave, especially if it is someone other than me that she's being disrespectful toward. I have to keep reminding myself how difficult/unsettling this has to be for her. We are certainly going to have some major readjusting to do when I get home!

In all of this craziness, I find myself forgetting to think about the fact that we are going to have a baby. I'm sure that sounds ridiculous. But I've been thinking/worrying so much about the birth and NICU time that there is a part of my brain failing to register that we will be taking our son home at the end of all this. I think part of the reason I am not thinking about the going home part is that I'm in denial about all the things we haven't done to get the house ready. But the baby will have a place to sleep and a carseat, which is really all we'll need for the first little while.

Okay, that is enough rambling for this morning. Have a good day everyone!

11 comments:

Swistle said...

I get nervous when you don't post AND when I see a new post. I am A LITTLE JUMPY.

Anonymous said...

Sophia and I are checking every day to see if there is a new baby in the world.

I agree with you - being pregnant was like getting married-you spend so much time worrying about the delivery/wedding that you forget what happens after the big day: you get to spend the rest of your life with someone you love. Let me tell you, Kels, this little boy is going to love you!

-Moira

Mommy Daisy said...

Yes, I get very nervous waiting to see new posts from you every day when I open my Google Reader.

I'm sure this is really tough on Harper too. And I can understand what you're feeling about her misbehaving for someone else. That would bother me too, if I was in that position.

You're so right that the end result will be coming soon. Right now you're bored, but soon you won't have any time to rest and relax. So, enjoy the time to just take it easy.

Giselle said...

I HATE when there is no new post. Drive me a little batty with anticipation. But I can understand. ;)

And I wouldn't worry about not having things ready. Remember, when I had Lily, I was moving out of my house 2 weeks later. I hadn't even set EYES on my new house. So Lily was soon going to be stopping at truck stops, and her final resting place had NOTHING ready. And it was fine. Babies really don't need much except for their mommies afterall.

samantha Jo Campen said...

What time do your doctors bust on in? I'd get jolted awake at 7 AM (after falling back asleep around 5:30 from going to the bathroom AGAIN) by the doctor's and nurses only to have them check my cervix five seconds later. 'Mornin' sunshine! And I wouldn't order breakfast until after they left either.

Our primaries were while I was in the hospital too, but I didn't have a chance to get an absentee since it happened so fast. I was bummed too, but I felt confident that the person I was going to vote for would win my state, and I'll be At The Ready come November. Hey, our little men can come to the polls with us then!! Hope you get the ballot today.

It is strange knowing that a baby is coming isn't it? I mean, we're so focused on keeping them IN that it's hard to wrap your mind around, "Oh wait, but at some point they will be out. And come home with us. Huh." If it makes you feel any better, I personally think it's more stressful to be home LOOKING at all the things that still need to be done to prepare for the baby, as opposed to being in the hospital just THINKING about them. Maybe a little 'out of sight out of mind' type thing. Because all I do is stare at stuff that's not getting done and it's really stressing me out. All. Day. Long. But I just thought I'd throw that out there just in case it helps. And really, you've got the car seat so you're good to go. Totally.

Yeah for March birthdays! How crazy would that be if we delivered on the same day?? Kindrid spirits!

Lil Mouse said...

yes i get nervous when you dont post.

Erin said...

For some reason I love this post. It seems so "normal," which you haven't had the luxury of in a long time.

I don't get nervous when you don't post because I just TELEPHONE YOU OBSESSIVELY. No post in 12 hours? No problem! I'll simply ring her AGAIN.

Marie Green said...

I do get nervous, like Swistle, if there IS a post, and if there ISN'T.

Oh, this must be so hard on all of you. Don't worry too much about Harper- it's probably bothering you more than whoever is caring for her- we are extra sensitive about our OWN kids, ya know?

Also, I think it's very normal to feel disconnected to the baby at the end of this pregnancy reality. It takes our minds awhile to catch up with our bodies, even when baby is full term, so when baby is early, we are really thrown! Women routinely forget- even during the throes of LABOR that a BABY will be the end of it.

TAke care, and keep us posted! 24 days of growing! That's awesome!

Hillary said...

I too get nervous when you don't post. I was especially nervous a few days ago when you didn't post until the evening. I was convinced that it was happening or had happened. 24 more days is incredible! Keep hanging in there girl. You're doing really well.
Hill

desperate housewife said...

I'm sure it will be very surreal to go home with a real live baby at the end of all this hospital/bedrest craziness. And I'm sure it will be very strange for Harper and your husband as well to get used to a new normal after everything being up in the air for so long. Just be very easy on yourself and your family. Keep expectations LOW and just concentrate on bonding with that new little one and with your hubs and daughter! Everything else can and will wait. I remember this so well, and I wasn't even in the hospital for bedrest, just at home.
It does make you crazy to think of all the undone stuff, but you're right, all that matters is the carseat and the place to sleep. Other than that, your baby just needs you!

Anne said...

Sending many positive thoughts your way...