Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Three Days

Michael is three days old, I am going home tomorrow (Thursday), and it has still not totally sunk in that I am the mother of a son. We have two children. Harper is a sister. Etc.

How did this happen???

When I opened my email today I had an automated message about my pregnancy at 32 weeks. It really hit me that yes, we were supposed to have two more months before Michael was even born. Which I think explains, at least partly, why I'm having trouble taking in everything that has happened.

I'm posting some more pictures today, a few of which will help you understand how tiny he is. He weighs just under four pounds (he's lost a couple of ounces since birth), so of course he's tiny, but it hits me in a different way when I realize things like the fact that his head is significantly smaller than my hand.

Harper, for her part, is really excited that I will be coming home:

She's had fun talking about her brother at preschool, where she says, "They cheered for me and said, 'grat-u-a-shuns!'"

Michael was cracking us up during an afternoon feeding today, by holding his paci like a little man and crossing his eyes. He's already trying to be a ham like his sister. So little, and so much personality already. He's pretty wonderful.

Today was an easier day than yesterday. There are bound to be good ones and bad ones. Tomorrow I will be going home, but it will be weeks before Michael can join us there and that is one of the things I've worried about the most. I know we will get through this next part, just as we've gotten through everything that's happened since February 10; that doesn't mean it will be easy.


Swistle said...

It continues to astonish me that he was supposed to be in there for TWO MORE MONTHS. That is a LONNNNNNNNG time. And yet look at him! He is adorable and pink!

Speaking of adorable, HARPER'S SHINING FACE. She is so cute, and now she looks like SUCH a big girl!

I would love to see some of the kind of size-comparison pictures you mention. I've never seen a 4-pound baby in person, and in photos of just the baby, he looks term-baby-sized. Baby and magazine! Baby and coffee mug! Baby and adult hand! Baby and drinking straw! Whatever comes to hand.

Lil Mouse said...

continuing to think about you and hope you're doing well.

Emily said...

I was just thinking yesterday about how you didn't announce your pregnancy until you were almost 4 months along, and then he came 2 months early, so for most of the world - you know, us - your pregnancy was about 3 months long. Ok, maybe 4. But it went really quickly. And I think that makes it harder on you, too, because you didn't have as much time to prepare, emotionally, for this HUGE change. It's only in the last few weeks, at least for me, that I get to the desperate, "OK! Get this kid out of me!" stage. :) Good luck going home today - I'm sure it will be up and down. I'm looking forward to more Harper stories, though!

Anonymous said...

You guys are doing so great. I don't know if I should laugh or cry when reading your blog entries. I will smile and just know that your family is healthy and doing well. Micheal is absolutely adorable (he's going to give Harper a run for her money)! Take care Kelsey.


Mommy Daisy said...

Such an adorable baby in such a small, small package. But he will continue to grow and before you know it, he'll be as big as Harper. :D

It will be a tough few weeks (let's hope shorter) to be apart even a little bit from him. But you can do it. Just make sure you're surrounded with love and support. When people offer to do things for you...let them. One of the best things for us the first week was asking someone to get/make a meat & cheese tray and a veggie tray, so we'd have something quick to grab between hospital visits. We would go in early and get home late, sometimes only have one meal and maybe snacks, so having some food when we got home that was easy to grab was wonderful! Paper plates and plastic silverware goes a long ways too. And from personal experience, the first morning home after waking up knowing the baby is not right there was the hardest. I was an emotional wreck (for a normally pretty calm person). I told Matt that I didn't mean anything by it if he made me cry, but I could tell when I got up that morning it was going to be a long day until I saw my son.

Sorry, I hope this isn't bothering you. I just thought maybe sharing a bit of my experience would help. You're in our thoughts and prayers.

Shannon said...

What beautiful children! Michael is looking really really good. I'm hoping for continuous progress and his release before you know it. Elise was born at 33 weeks at 3 lbs. 7 oz. and she came home around day 15 or so.

Hillary said...

They are both so beautiful and wonderful. Truly, gifts from God. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers during the next few weeks.

samantha jo campen said...

He's adorable. And Theo holds his big green paci the same way :-) Must be a preemie-NICU thing!

I'm sorry you can't go home with him. But at least you know he's getting the best care and you cooked him a month since February 10th and that is amazing. You should be proud of yourself for going the distance and making him as healthy as he is. This doesn't change your emotions, but maybe it can be a comfort.

Thoughts, prayers and cyber hugs!

Erin said...

Oh man. That last picture you can tell how LITTLE (strange to write that in all caps) he is! Whoa. That is wild to me. And scary, but also reassuring because he is doing so well despite everything. So much of that is due to you, Kels, and you're having the courage to know something was wrong and do something about it back on Feb. 10.

He's got some really great parents, that's for sure. He's going to be just fine.

Anne said...

I know what it's like to leave the hospital without your baby.

I had to leave one of mine, Archie, in the NICU for 41 days. Then he was transfered to the bigger children's hospital a few cities away for heart surgery where he stayed for 31 days.

And I had to leave Kit, my oldest twin, in the NICU for two weeks.

Jack, my youngest twin, is my only baby who actually got to leave the hospital with his mama.

It's so, so hard. I know it is. But hang in there. It actually gets easier (gasp!). You'll be able to visit every day, all you want, and you'll find yourself feeling oh-so-grateful for the wonderful care Michael will receive in the NICU.

And really... Michael is doing AMAZINGLY WELL for being born so early. Wow!