Pondering

Not too long ago I was talking to a friend about how I am "blogging" in my mind pretty much constantly. But, for many reasons, I find myself actually blogging less and less.

I KNOW how dreadful it is to read bloggers blogging about blogging, so I'll be brief. Here are some of the reasons I think I've been blogging less:

1) With a smartphone it is so easy to share thoughts and pictures via Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, etc. I'll think about blogging about something and then I wonder if it's overkill because I already "covered" that event, moment, thought through other social media.

2) I have many more local friends than I did when I began this blog. In the beginning it was a lifeline, a way to process. These days, I'm just as likely to process something through a face-to-face conversation with a friend. I still process quite a bit through writing, but do lots of that privately.

3) As the children get older, there are some things that feel off-limits. I've mentioned this before. For better or worse, they are aware that they have an on-line presence. It is not uncommon for me to take photo and hear one of them ask if I'm going to put it on Facebook for their relatives (and our friends) to see. Sharing photos doesn't seem to bother them. However some of the issues we're encountering now are less funny/cute and more serious. I still want to write about my experiences as a parent, but I am not sure I've completely worked out how to do that while still honoring the things my children may not find amusing to read about someday.

4) Another thing that has happened as the children have gotten older is that we've become more involved in the community. So when I'm writing about our experiences they are largely tied to people, organizations, and places that are meaningful to us. I will admit that I'm more concerned now about offending people than I was when I began - because very few people I knew were reading!

I am not yet ready to close the doors here. There's plenty that I do still want to find a way to write about.

1/2 Way

My children have been out of school for about six weeks and go back in five. Which means summer is more than half behind us. We've been to Michigan and Wisconsin and spent many, many hours at the pool. We've been to swimming lessons and dance classes. Harper and Michael are playing baseball. They have not learned to ride their bikes. The children have spent a little more time with electronic devices than I intended, but, eh, more time for me to read books (9 since school was out!). I have succeeded in getting Michael to read to me, which was a crucial goal this summer. When kindergarten started he literally could not recognize the word, "the." By the end of the year he was reading some actual books and I have been determined to help him avoid that dreaded summer slide. Getting him to write has been another story. You win some, you lose some and good luck to his first grade teacher.

I find myself vacillating between the feeling that we need to pack the days with special outings so my children have magical memories of their summer vacations and the feeling that if I just give all of us a little time and space the magic will find its own way.

Almost Summer

Last summer we spent several days at a local swim and tennis club as guests of a good friend who is a member. This year we bit the bullet and joined the pool ourselves. We had lots of fun going to the pool with our friends last summer, but I did have a tiny bit of doubt about how it would go if we went on our own. 

The pool is open for this Memorial Day weekend, though it won't be officially open for the season until next weekend. We have a stretch of glorious days forecast so I knew we'd try it out this weekend. We went for a couple of hours today and it was a smashing success.

It's not a great day at the pool until someone makes red pepper walrus tusks?

I should clearly state that I was completely in favor of joining the pool. I lobbied hard to convince Matt that it was a good idea. Despite this, I still had a few reservations. Here are some of the things I was worried about:

    -My children wouldn't have fun if they didn't know anyone else.

    -I wouldn't be able to get over the discomfort of wearing a bathing suit in public.

    -Every rest break would turn into an argument about buying food from the snack bar.

    -The children would want to go home after we'd been there for 25 minutes.

    -Michael would only go into the pool if he was clinging to me, baby monkey-style.

    -The process of getting ready to go to the pool would siphon the will to live right out of me.

As it turned out, none of these were really a problem (today). There wasn't anyone else we knew when we first arrived and it took Harper about thirty seconds to make a friend (she's good like that). Michael got into the pool with me, but was minimally clingy and later got in on his own. They only asked for snack bar snacks once and did not argue when I denied their requests. They did not want to go home after 25 minutes. They also did not want to go home after two hours, which I'll take as a good sign. I'm never going to love wearing a bathing suit in public, but I managed NOT to think about it the majority of the time we were there. 

As for getting ready to go... I'm hoping that gets a little easier as we go along. It took about half an hour to gather towels and pool toys and snacks, to get into suits, and to apply sunscreen. As we go along I think I'll have a better idea about what we actually need and how much the children will actually eat. 

If anyone has tips for maximizing pool enjoyment with children I'm open to them, but, based on today, I think we're all set for a very nice summer by the pool.

Jumping Right Back In

Well hello friends! There has been a lot happening here. People turning six (I owe you a birthday letter, Michael). The start of soccer season. Me going back to work...

So the teacher who replaced me at the school where I worked last year had to be out for a few weeks and I stepped back into the job. I taught full time from February 27 until spring break started March 14, then went back for the first week of April full-time, and half days the second week of April. I've had a week and a half to breathe and I'm starting another five-day subbing job tomorrow. It's amazing how quickly we switched modes and the only things that got done around here were those absolutely necessary to our survival.

We're getting ready to participate in our 5th March for Babies walk, this weekend. Our fundraising has been disappointing this year, relative to the last four. If you're reading this and you happen to be a person I haven't already begged for money via Facebook or email, please consider donating to our March for Babies team. You can do so by clicking here. Incidentally, whenever I claim that we aren't doing as well as previous years, or aren't meeting our goal, I worry that people who've already supported us will feel like I'm not grateful for their donations. Nothing could be further from the truth. We might not raise another penny and I'm incredibly grateful to those folks who've already given. Thank you!

I know I'm jumping all over the place here, please bear with me.

Today has been an especially interesting day. I had a filling replaced this morning. This particular tooth is now on its third filling - the original dating back to my college days. The hygienist gently told me that the next time the filling broke down I would likely need a root canal and crown, so I'll be looking forward to/fretting about that for the next five to eight years. It seems unjust that fillings should have to be replaced.

We are finally having our master bath remodeled (I'll show why in a moment.) This bathroom is so bad that I can count on one hand the number of people not living in this house who've ever seen the inside of it. Having the bathroom updated is a huge positive, obviously, but the process... Excuse me while I bang my head against a wall, will you? Today most of the demolition was done. Which means things were loud and messy! There was so much banging that a decorative fish fell off the wall in the other bathroom and shattered. I guess that's what I get for having a decorative fish.

Also the dishwasher broke.

I believe that's the some sort of Murphy's Law of home improvement - you embark on an expensive journey only to have a bunch of less expensive, but still painful, repairs demand attention. As Matt is fond of saying, "It's only money!"

Here are some before photos of the bathroom. I resisted the urge to take close up photos that truly show how nasty it is - you'll have to take my word for it.

Taken from the doorway.

Notice all the stuff on the counter due to lack of storage.

Lovely curtains.

Taken from the shower. All of the red walls used to be wallpapered. 

The shower is one of the things that had been "updated" before we moved in.

Everything is as tiny as it looks. The toilet and counter were low, the sink little, the doorway narrow (although that won't change).

Now here are some photos of what it looks like currently, after the first day of work:

I'm so lucky to sleep next to this tonight - it looks like some horror-movie creature could just hop right up through the floor boards.

The shower opening will be wider and taller, now that the "updated" shower stall has been removed.

Oh look! You can see right into the basement!

Don't let our fascinating bathroom remodel distract you from donating to our March for Babies team!

Just Another Weekend



Saturday morning looked like this:

 



 

 

Saturday evening looked like this: 

 

  

As it turns out we are people who attend dance competitions.

 

Harper started taking ballet class in first grade. This was at the suggestion of Matt's mom but we were more than happy to let her do it. Harper loves music and dance, and, though she is not particularly flexible, seemed to have an aptitude for learning her dance moves. She enjoyed class and really enjoyed getting up on stage and performing in her first recitals.

 

After two years of regular class she was invited to audition for the competition team at her studio. At first she wasn't interested. Then she found out several of her friends were going to audition and she decided to give it a try. You could have knocked me over with a feather when she was actually invited to join.

 

I had all kinds of reservations about taking that step. It is a lot of time/energy/expense. The director of our studio reassured me that in reality it was nothing like that TV show... and, for the most part, it isn't.

 

I never imagined I would be a person applying lipstick or false eyelashes to my nine-year-old's face. The truth is that I still have mixed feelings about that part of things.

 

But I also never imagined I could offer my daughter a situation where she'd take nearly 11 hours of dance class in one weekend from well-known choreographers. I never imagined how proud I'd feel when she didn't give up, even when it was unbelievably difficult for a dancer of her (low) level of experience. I never imagined how my heart would swell watching her get up on a competition stage, in front of bright lights, judges, an audience, and perform like she'd been waiting her whole life to do it. It looked terrifying to me. I asked one of the other mothers if children (because they ARE children) ever get up on those stages and just freeze.

 

"If she can do this," I thought to myself, "what on earth would she ever be afraid to do?"

 

We've been doing this for less than a year, but I can already see how Harper is growing from the experience. She's learning about time management, commitment, sacrifice. She's experiencing what it is like to work with a group, over a long period of time, for a common purpose.

 

 

 

Sure the costumes can be crazy and the false eyelashes are downright ridiculous, but if I had to choose one word to sum up what this experience has been like for Harper so far it would be: empowering.

 



 



 

And I don't regret it one bit.

Sleeping Over

We had a major milestone in our house last weekend - Harper's first away from home sleepover. 

Nine years old isn't really all that young to go to a sleepover, and we've had other children sleep at our house a handful of times. I'm sure any parent feels some anxiety when a child spends the night away from home. For us, the anxiety is ratcheted up a bit because it means handing responsibility for Harper's food allergies over to someone else. 

We've had lots of practice trusting other adults with Harper's safety, but mostly in the public school setting where we actually have a legal document that details steps to be taken and procedures to follow. We have also had babysitters responsible for Harper, but in our nut free home.

It's rare that Harper even goes to play for a couple of hours at another family's house without her father or I with her. So how did we end up sending her away overnight?

This fall Harper started dancing with the competitive group at her studio. We leave tomorrow, heading to Pittsburgh, for the first competition of their season. The parents of another competitor wanted to have all the girls over to spend the night together and bond a bit before our trip. 

If it hadn't been for this specific situation, I think we would have continued to pass on sleepovers for another couple of years. I really didn't want to say no to her attending and have her be the only girl to miss out on the fun. I replied to the invitation and inquired whether the mom was willing to take on the responsibility of managing Harper's allergy for the night.

As it turns out, another child in that family is very close friends with someone who has severe food allergies. The mother already knew how to use an EpiPen and was totally willing to work with me in terms of handling the food that would be available at the party. She was even willing to let me spend the night as well! (I passed.) It helped that they only live a few minutes from us and the hospital was in between our houses.

Of course Harper had no hesitation about being with her friends!

Here are a few photos of the evening that I borrowed from Facebook - I wasn't sure how the other parents would feel about pictures on the blog, so I covered most of the faces:

They made posters to put on their hotel room doors.

No drama here...

All's well that ends well - Harper had a great time at the party and I even managed to get a little bit of sleep. I know that she is getting to an age where she won't always want her parents with her at every event. She's learning how to be more responsible for her allergy and we are learning to hand over a little more trust and responsibility. 

One step at a time!

I am so grateful for this parent - and for all the caring, supportive adults and children we've encountered - who was willing to go the extra mile to make this routine childhood experience possible for Harper. It means more than she probably realizes.

Throw Back Thursday

Do you recognize these itty-bitty children? 

That picture is from April 2008, just a few days after Michael came home from his month in the NICU. Harper was playing, "This Little Piggy," with his teeny toes. You can see that he had an apnea monitor. I think we had that for a month or two after we came home - funny that I don't quite remember the details any more. What I do remember is how awful and piercing that alarm was, and that Michael frequently moved enough during the night to disconnect himself from the leads and set it off despite not having an actual problem.

When I look at Michael now, it is hard to reconcile my nearly-six-year-old boy with the preemie he once was. Look how wee he was in the picture and he was probably five or six weeks old already! He is a beautiful reminder of all we have to be grateful for and why we work each year to raise money for March of Dimes.

Yes, I will again be asking people to please consider donating to our March for Babies team - the link to do so is in the right sidebar. Or you can click here. I am incredibly thankful for all the support we've had in years past, enabling us to raise some pretty impressive family team totals. I would love to see our total this year surpass last year's number. Please remember that every little bit helps. Feel free to share the link and thank you for considering making a donation!

Well That Was Interesting

The very same day I wrote a post about missing our routine and some regularity, I came home from taking the kids to dance feeling horrible.

My temp was 103.6.

After two days of crazy fever Matt hauled me to the doctor and we realized I had strep throat! For the first time in my life!

I am glad not to have a reason to take antibiotics too frequently, but wow, are they amazing things. Monday night/most of Tuesday I really thought I might die (only a slight exaggeration) and by Thursday night I felt almost back to normal again.

I spent much of today catching up on things I completely failed to attend to last week. Now that my health has been restored I feel good about two things:

     1) My family does, in fact, appreciate many of the little daily things I do for them.

     2) They could get along with out me if I got hit by a bus tomorrow. Though it would probably take some adjusting.

So I'm working on getting back on track and I owe a big apology to anyone who has been waiting for me to reply about something - I'm on it!

Routine Required

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, this winter has been brutal, no?

We are firmly planted in the Midwest, but not far enough north to expect a bunch of snow and sub-zero days as a general rule of winter. This winter, however, my children have already have five snow/cold days off school. There have been many school years when we had zero such days, or maybe one. We are officially at the point that we will have to make up days if any more school days are cancelled.

I have to be honest, not working this year, it hasn't been that big of a deal to have those extra days off. Our winter break was extended by two days and we all enjoyed some extra laying around in our pajamas. I'll admit that I don't even cringe much at the thought of needing to add an extra day or two to the end of the school year, especially since the children's last day of school is supposed to be May 22. (Though I'm not sure anything academically significant will happen in those extra days!)

So in theory I don't really mind the days off. However, between the winter break, snow days, a blessedly small handful of sick days, I can really feel that we are out of our routine. Now that they are a tiny bit older, the children definitely roll with the punches better than they did when they were infants or toddlers. But, man, this has been a rough stretch. I feel it, too. There's plenty to be done around her but the unpredictable nature of our schedule lately kind of makes me want to take a nap and not much else - which is partly responsible for the lack of posting here. As for Harper and Michael - they are growing irritable and weepy, respectively. We all do better when things go the way we expect!

We are in the thick of another frigid stretch, tonight/tomorrow being the worst, and I'll be surprised if the children have a full day of school tomorrow. But maybe, just maybe, we can get back to our regularly scheduled schedule after that.

Happy New Year!

Once again, in lieu of making a list of resolutions for 2014, I am choosing a word which I hope will steer my decision-making this new year.

My word for 2014 is nourish.

What's yours?

Hap-Happiest Season of All

For the next month or so (minus the time when we are in Wisconsin) this will be my view from my little writing desk. It makes my heart happy...

I must admit I was so pleased last night when one of Harper's friends exclaimed, "You have so many pretty ornaments on your tree!"

Now my children probably won't have many happy golden memories about decorating our tree because it is an area where my inner control-freak comes out in a big way. I love doing it and I am very particular about how the ornaments are arranged. We also have quite a few breakable ornaments. So Harper and Michael do get to help, but only a little and only with certain ornaments. It is just the way it is. They will have plenty of other happy holiday memories...

We have all of the ornaments that I received throughout my childhood and now Harper's and Michael's, plus the ornaments Matt and I have received since being married. Some of my favorites are ornaments from students and friends. For many of the children's ornaments I have fond memories of who gifted them or of what I was thinking when I chose them myself. 

Over the years a couple of ornaments have fallen or been dropped, and I think of those, too, as I unpack and carefully place the ones we have. 

Pardon the cheese, but unpacking the ornaments feels like unpacking boxes full of our blessings. Little reminders of happy times, of people we love who love us. All the more special because in a few weeks they will be packed away again.

*****

ONE DAY LEFT to enter the Christmas music giveaway - don't forget!

A Birthday Tradition?

Tonight there are three extra third grade girls "sleeping" at our house. We have done fairly large birthday parties for Harper since she turned five and it felt like a good time to scale back.

No party room, no decorations, no second cake, no goodie bags, just four friends (including Harper), ice cream sundaes, and sleeping bags.

It wasn't until after we made this plan that I remembered that my mom and dad surprised me with a birthday sleepover when I turned nine.

My babysitter drove my sister and I to see a movie, The Journey of Natty Gann, and when we got back my friends were at my house! It was a great surprise. Incidentally I also remembered that it snowed that night. 

I don't feel right about posting pictures of Harper's friends without their parents' permission, but I found some old photos and I have no qualms about posting photos from my birthday celebration...

The girl standing is my sister, then from left to right on the floor are Rebecca, myself, Kristen, and Laura. Please note that Laura was holding a gumball machine which someone had given me. I was thrilled but, in retrospect, I wonder if my mom loved that gift. 

My mom also took a picture of all of us sleeping that night, but since you can see someone's underwear I decided against posting that particular photo.

I realize I never revealed what the mystery cake from Harper's family party actually was:

It WAS a pair of poorly executed pair of ballet slippers... so if there was a prize Swistle would be the winner. And, it did sort of look like the image I'd been working from. If I could find it again I would post it for comparison. You'll just have to take my word for it.

Three Year Christmas Mystery - SOLVED

We have this Willow Tree Nativity that I just love. I can't remember how many years we've had it, but it is one of my favorite things to pull out of storage when it is time to decorate for Christmas.

Exhibit A:

The last couple of years something mysterious has been happening with one of the Wise Men, specifically the one holding the box.

Exhibit B:

At some point in the day, most, if not all, days leading up to Christmas, I would look up and see that he was facing the wrong way.

Exhibit C:

I grilled both Harper and Matt (Michael was too little to reach) about it over and over, convinced that someone was playing a joke on me. It drove me crazy. But what was worse was that they were both pretty convincing in their denial. I jokingly said that it must be our Christmas ghost, but when it started to happen again this year I will admit to feeling a little nervous about the whole thing. 

Then, yesterday, while we were finishing decorating the tree, I noticed he had moved again, but this time we'd all be in the room together and I knew for certain that no one had touched him. 

Now the entertainment center the Nativity rests on is the kind that comes flat in a box and requires some assembling. It serves its purpose very well but isn't the sturdiest thing in the world. You can hear some of the knick-knacks rattle when someone, even a child, walks past. It rests on hard flooring, not carpet, so there isn't much in the way of shock absorption... can you see where this is going?

I realized, while we were decorating, that the bottom of that particular figure must be just a little uneven. When the shelf vibrates from someone walking by the figure rocks and turns just a little. If you stand near the corner of the entertainment center and shift weight from one foot to another you can actually watch it happening.

Case closed.

A Visit With The Mouse

I sort of thought I would post while we were on our trip to Florida with Michael. Unlike the previous times we've visited we were in a standard hotel room. It was easier to just give in and go to bed at a decent hour than to stay up late blogging when Matt and Michael were trying to sleep.

A few weeks ago came across a draft post I started to remind me of what I'd wanted to remember from our trip. It said: my very first real live dolphin, frog check up, slip sign, honchos, finding dinosaur clues, id card/watch indiglo, wishing in the fountain for Harper, "I just want everything!"

So I'll see if I can cover some of those if I can remember what they were about... and share some random photos as well.

In a moment of brilliance we purchased some noise cancelling headphones for Michael to wear so he might be less scared during loud shows and fireworks. It turned out to be a great idea. It didn't mean he was never afraid of anything, but it did help his anxiety some. I think they were like a little security blanket and helped him feel like he could try things out.

Oh our sweet boy, he loved all the Disney Junior stuff, even though he is a little older than their target demographic. He adores Doc McStuffins and I thought he would lose his mind when she was part of a show we saw.

I love Michael's obvious joy in this photo... and I used a bunch of stars to cover up all the faces because I really wanted to share but felt funny about putting very clear photos of children we don't know on the internet. 

Michael saw several tourists making the peace sign in their photos and started doing it as well. He has no idea what it means.

Michael got to demonstrate a lion roar during the Lion King show we saw at Animal Kingdom. I thought he'd be too shy to do it, but he was great.

I think this area is called "The Seas with Nemo and Friends." It is at EPCOT and it is one of the places Michael and I went back to revisit on a day that Matt was working. Harper was always kind of in a hurry to get to the next thing and wouldn't look very long, but Michael was fascinated and stayed at each tank for fifteen or twenty minutes. One of them had a couple of dolphins swimming around, prompting him to say, "It's my very first real-live dolphin!"

This was the fountain in the lobby of our hotel. The very first day, while Matt was checking in, I gave Michael a coin, telling him to think about our trip and make a special wish. He closed his eyes and threw his coin in. Then, clearly uninformed about wishing protocol, he looked up at me and said, "I wished Harper would have a good time with everyone in Ohio." I got all choked up in that moment - what a sweetheart!

One of the neat things about being on a solo trip with Michael was witnessing his imagination. Harper has often had imagination to spare, but we haven't always heard the inner workings of Michael's mind. Throughout the week he had some elaborate pretend game going in his mind and it involved looking for clues, either about dinosaurs or about where we should head next. It was cute, although it drove Matt especially crazy because Michael would just stop walking and squat down to examine something on the sidewalk without warning, making it difficult not to step on, or trip over, him.

Michael was a little flirt with the princesses. With each character that signed his book, he would tell them that he was going to give it to me when they were finished. It was like he was afraid they were going to run away before we could take a picture.

We went on a riverboat ride that lasted a good fifteen or twenty minutes and Michael bossed Matt and I around the whole time, pretending  he was the captain of the ship. It involved a lot of saying, "Aye, aye," and being told to check on things. 

"Slip sign" was what he called those yellow "slippery when wet" or "caution wet floor" signs. "Careful!" he'd say, "There's a slip sign!"

One day we got caught in a terrible downpour and Michael said, "We need our honchos!" He used this word, instead of "ponchos," often throughout the week.

The first time we rode on a ferry the driver gave Michael a little transportation card - he pretended it was some kind of ticket or pass throughout the week. He wanted to be able to scan it, like we did with our passes to get into the parks. When we used our park passes to enter the parks there was a little Mickey Mouse shape that lit up... Michael wanted his to work this way when he was pretending so he would hold it up to my watch and hit the indiglo button. I have to admit I thought that was kind of genius.

Another thing that was sort of funny because it is so out of character for Michael was how he handled the shopping. He had a little money to pick out a souvenir. Michael is not a child who talks often about stuff he wants (unlike his sister), but he was a little beside himself about the choices at Disney. He would look around and exclaim, "I just want everything!"

The frog check up (the only thing from the above list that I think I haven't addressed) really deserves its own post. Maybe I'll get to that in December, this is long enough for now!

Missing Teeth

I remember being so emotional when Harper lost her first tooth and for some reason it isn't hitting me the same way with Michael. His first tooth came out about a month/six weeks ago...

We had to write a note to The Tooth Fairy because we didn't actually have the tooth...

The above note says, "Dear Tooth Fairy, Sorry we do not know where my tooth is. -Michael" 

He was with Matt and Harper at a roller skating birthday party for one of Harper's friends when it fell out. We are pretty sure he ate it with his pizza.

Then, not long after, he lost the other bottom one. We, er, didn't have that one either.

"Dear The Tooth Fairy, We lost my tooth. We think I swallowed it. I ate it with a taco. -Michael" 

He was very tired when we were writing that note, which is why I finished up for him.

The two teeth out at the same time worked very well for our family photos...

(Thanks again to Danielle of Chocolate Pudding Moments!)

It's funny how things worked out. Harper would have been so upset not to have her teeth to leave for the Tooth Fairy, but Michael wasn't really bothered at all. The notes worked just fine. 

Should I be worried that he had two teeth come out in his mouth without really noticing? The second time I just jokingly asked after dinner if he still had his tooth and the answer was no!