Tuesday, October 14, 2008

At A Loss

Does anyone else find it the most difficult to write when you really have a lot to say? I don't put a lot of pressure on myself here, on this blog, because I feel like most of the people who read are genuinely interested in what our family is doing, or in looking at cute photos of the kids, and don't necessarily keep coming back expecting post after post of stellar writing. I'm sure it is painfully obvious that I often just hop onto the computer and jot down a few thoughts/stories about our days and then move along. I don't attempt to make each post well-crafted or masterful writing. So when I have something to say that feels more important to me, when I feel like it matters which words I choose and how I use them, I often find myself stuck.

In the last two days a couple of incidents have really worked up my inner turmoil about handling Harper's peanut allergy. It is something I want to write about, but it feels so big to me right now, I don't even know where to begin.



So I'm not going to write about that tonight. Instead I offer this anecdote from our Sunday morning breakfast:

Nearly every Sunday we go with Matt's parents to the same place for breakfast. This past Sunday we were sitting in our booth, chatting and devouring a feast of breakfast goodies, when Harper looked over and noticed a gentleman with a bandanna covering his head and tattoos up and down his arms. She leaned over to Ann and said, "Nana, I think there's a pirate here!"*


*Or something along those lines, I was too busy laughing/crying to cement her exact words in my memory.

10 comments:

Mommy Daisy said...

Yes, yes, that first paragraph, that's exaclty how I feel.

Swistle said...

YES. Any time I have Something I Want To Communicate, it's almost impossible. Plus, I half-remember some THING from English class, some quote about never trying to TELL anything with writing, and I half-remember it just well enough to feel like what I'm putting so much effort into doing is probably WRONG.

Erin said...

Oh honey. I am worried for you. I want to hear about what happened, yet I totally understand the difficulty in articulating it.

Your Michael looks SO BIG in that picture!

Anonymous said...

Dealing with these allergies can be quite a task at times can't it? I hope everything is ok. Please email me anytime!(ok, I know I wasn't the best at that but I promise to try harder:)

Kelli (from pa.com)

Astarte said...

Peanut allergies would scare the crap out of me. That has to be one of the most stressful things out there, I think. My nephew has them, and I'm stressed every time he comes over, because they sneak into EVERYTHING.

Take your time. We will be here waiting when you feel ready to post.

Pam said...

I love the Harper story. She's got such a great personality she's going to make you laugh a lot in life!
I'm sorry you're feeling a bit down about something. When you feel up to it, blurt it all out on here and get it out of your system

bluedaisy said...

I always need a little time to let my thoughts come together before writing- or talking- about something big (overwhelming?) Sending you good wishes!

KNJ said...

Totally have that 'too much to say in one blog so I never get any of it out'. I vote for using the blog as a brain dump. Since we keep reading, we like you goshdarnit, and we like your cute ancedotes and photos and yes, yoru writing too. :)

I was just thinking about the peanut allergy thing the other day. We were at a bday party and someone was holding someone else's kid and gave them a bite of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I don't know if the worst part was that the little 6 mos old wasn't actually eating solids yet, OR that the 'helpful' adult was his grandfather....

Don't know how you do it at all- without being too sappy, knowing you DO gives me hope I'd be able to deal with it if little one walks the same path...

Laura said...

I can't even imagine what kinds of stress you have to face anywhere you go in dealing with a peanut allergy, let alone trying to keep an even keel of not letting your fear and anxiety get the best of you in front of Harper. You always seem to manage things so gracefully that I'm sorry to hear that something has shaken the foundation you worked so hard to build. When and if you are ready, you know your fan club is here for you!

Now let's talk about your first paragraph. Not that I would believe that you DON'T put 100% effort into your writing every last time because I always think you're great, but it's so refreshing to see that others feel the exact same way that some things are so overwhelming that it's hard to find a starting point. It looks like you just summed up my occasional anst when it comes to writing.

And since I've already hijacked your whole comment section, let me just tell you that I love the latest pic of your kids together and the picture of Michael (2 posts ago) wearing his "Boo!" outfit made me want to just take a bite of him. Just thought you should know!

(I'm done now)(I hope things get better for you soon!)

Astarte said...

Also, hey, Tag! You're It! over at my blog!!!!