Frustration

Oh man. Today was one of those days where you feel like you're just banging your head against a brick wall. Harper (yes, the FIVE year old) had at least three major meltdowns. HUGE freak outs. Mostly involving... her toys. Le sigh.

Harper has a giant imagination. The last time we went to the zoo a couple of weeks ago, every other sentence started with, "Pretend I'm..." and it would go on from there. Don't get me wrong, this is one of my most favorite things about her and comes in handy because she can often entertain herself for hours. The trouble is, she gets so involved in her pretending that she doesn't want to clean it up, ever. She's not being lazy, she doesn't want ME to clean it up either. If I move anything I have destroyed someone's home and it is a tragedy. Recently she's been on a zoo kick and building habitats for this tacky (literally, it's rubbery and kind of sticky) toy lizard, "Lizzy," she has. She keeps building homes for Lizzy, but she likes to use containers that had previously been in use storing other toys. Which is fine, I guess, but at the end of the day I would like to be able to put the blocks back in their bin.

(She also freaked out because I couldn't understand her when she was whining at me and because she didn't want to sit at the dinner table with Michael. She wanted to eat in the dining room by herself. Apparently it's difficult to be five.)

And that's it, I'm just frustrated with Harper's behavior as well as my reaction to it. So I know that we're really fine and we'll just dust ourselves off and try to do better tomorrow. And if the morning doesn't go well, we'll try to do better in the afternoon. That's how it is with little ones, no?

(Mom, pretend I found this lost baby elephant and now it thinks I'm its mother.)

******

Random funny Harper observation from a pre-meltdown trip to Target, "Mom, I think Toy Story 3 is taking over the WORLD!"

Sunrise, Sunset

This afternoon Ann came over to stay with Michael so Matt and I could take Harper to see Toy Story 3. It did not disappoint. It was funny, surprisingly intense at times, and touching. There were actually a few moments when I found myself surprised at the G rating because I found a few of the new characters to be horribly sinister and there were moments when I was genuinely fearful for the fate of the toys . It was during one of these moments, when I honestly felt on the verge of tears because of what was about to happen to Woody and friends, that Harper leaned over, wide-eyed and asked, "Mom is that what happens to our garbage?" She was fascinated by the process unfolding before her, but not at all concerned about the toys! So I guess G is perfectly appropriate after all.

So yes, intense, funny, and so so sad. Sad because one day these darling children will grow up and leave me and how on earth will I survive without them? I have another post brewing about some of the changes we've experienced lately, especially with Harper who I swear looks taller every time she walks into a room, and well, just look at them!


There are no babies left in my house and there are times when that really feels tragic. Then again, I have some pretty great "big kids" growing before my eyes and I'm incredibly thankful for them.

(For the record, we enjoyed this latest Toy Story installment in 2D and I'm glad. The 3D glasses annoy me and I think that really would have been a little too intense for Harper.)

Look Who Learned to Smile for the Camera!

He'd also like to take your picture - he follows us around the house saying, "Chee!!!" Which means we'd better turn around and say, "cheese," darn it!

What's For Dinner?

I don't know about you, but one of my least favorite questions is, "What's for dinner?"

I rarely have a good answer.

We eat a lot of chicken.

When we're all eating together I usually prepare some sort of protein (75% of the time it's chicken), a starch (usually rice or pasta), and a vegetable. The kids also have fruit w/ dinner 95% of the time. I'm a passable cook. We eat, no one is starving, but there is usually at least one component of the dinner that someone won't eat.

Tonight there was a dinner miracle as BOTH children, without coaxing, ate all the components of the meal. Aren't you dying to know what we had? I'm sure that it is not a perfect balance, nutritionally, so please don't email me/comment about all the shortcomings, okay?

Protein:

Cheesy Garlic Chicken - Boneless, skinless chicken breast halves and some chopped tomato covered with a mixture of water, olive oil and garlic herb soup mix. Add shredded mozzarella cheese on top for the last few minutes of baking. EASY and actually kind of fancy looking.

Starch:

Marvin Potatoes, so named because my mom learned to make them that way from my Uncle Marvin, I think. Slice potatoes into discs, the thinner the better IMO, and lay out on a cookie sheet sprayed w/ no stick spray. I used baby red potatoes because that's what we had around, any kind will work. I cut a tablespoon of butter into about nine little cubes and laid them around the tray (actually two trays, my oven is very narrow and only little cookie sheets fit in it), then sprinkled the whole thing w/ seasoned salt. Bake. Done.

Veggie:

Glazed carrots. Here is my very fancy technique for making glazed carrots (snort). I boil some baby carrots until they are pretty soft (i.e. kid friendly in my house). I dump the hot carrots, drained, into a bowl w/ a little butter and about a tablespoon of brown sugar. I stir it until the butter melts and the sugar dissolves. The end.

And everyone ate all of it, even Michael, who has thoroughly shunned vegetables since turning two. They both asked for more chicken and more potatoes and tolerated the carrots without complaint. Harper actually said, "Soft carrots? I LIKE soft carrots!" She also asked me to fish extra saucy tomatoes out of the baking dish for her. She will not eat tomatoes under any other circumstances.

I'm no gourmet but there you go. I celebrate it when both the kids eat all the dinner. Heck I celebrate when both of the kids will eat some of the dinner, tonight's meal should go into some kind of family hall of fame.

On Father's Day

Dear Matt,

Thanks for being the kind of dad that changes diapers and changes the garbage. Thank you for being the kind of dad that hugs and holds hands as well as wrestles and rough-houses. Thank you for being a reader of books as well as a thrower of balls. Thank you for being payer of bills and king of "make up stories" (term credit: Harper). Thank you for being the one to bring the biggest smiles to our children's faces.



And thank you for always, always, being willing to get in the pool.

Happy Father's Day. We love you.

Distracted Much?

I just went to heat up something for Harper's lunch and in the microwave I found some rice I'd heated for my lunch - YESTERDAY.

(This sort of post is why I should think about a Twitter account.)

To Explain

Last time, on Midwest Mom, I invited you to play a game.

I wonder how many of the rest of you guessed what Harper had drawn, but were too shy to share...

Those of you with babies on the brain, you were right!

A couple of weeks ago a good family friend had a third baby girl (Welcome Miriam!). As we were pulling together some items to send the family I asked Harper if she'd like to draw a picture to send to the two older girls. She greeted the idea enthusiastically and took off with paper and colored pencils. When she returned with her picture, I was a little, um, surprised? Uncertain? I asked her to tell me about it.

"Well," she said, "That's the daddy at home with the girls. And over there is the mommy at the hospital, getting the baby out!"

Yes folks, Harper drew a picture of a c-section. (And that is pretty much what the aftermath feels like, no?)

Both of my kids were born via c-section. Harper because she was breech and Michael because I was stalled at three or four (I no longer remember) centimeters after over 48 hours of labor.

But Harper knows that that's not the way all babies are born! It was kind of stunning to me to realize that that is currently her default image of birth. I'm not sure how to feel about that. And maybe I don't need to feel anything about it.

I know I should be grateful that I have two healthy, beautiful children, no matter how they came into the world. And I AM grateful. But there is a part of me that will always feel sad that I didn't ever experience giving birth another way. I think about Harper having a child someday and I feel a profound sadness that I only have one kind of birth experience to relate to her.

Let's Play a Game...

I have a LOT to say about this picture Harper recently drew, but before I share my two cents I thought I would open the floor and see if anyone else would like to interpret.


Leave your thoughts in the comments and I'll return Monday or Tuesday to explain!

(Oh and there's no need to comment on Harper's, uh, not excellent drawing skills. Genetically speaking, she wasn't going to inherit a lot in that department!)

Summer Break So Far

Three days in and each day I have managed at least a short nap while Michael naps and Harper plays happily on her own. Not sure if that makes me

a) lazy

b) lucky

or

c) brilliant

but there it is.

Last Days

The last day of school is bringing a bucket and cloth for scrubbing your desk with soapy water and carrying art projects home in paper grocery bags.

The last day of school is tattered notebooks and half empty boxes of crayons.

The last day of school is sweating through field day and thinking it is so weird to see your teacher wearing shorts.

The last day of school is inside jokes scribbled into yearbooks and asking every teacher to sign them so you don't have to go back to class.

The last day of school is the tantalizing promise of sleeping late and sunbathing and uninterrupted reading and not understanding why it feels a little bit sad.

The last day of school is watching students walk away from you, not knowing if you'll know how their lives go, but knowing you'll wonder.

The last day of school is wondering whether any of it made a difference.

The last day of school is tomorrow.

Memorial Weekend

During which we:

Traveled to Wisconsin and back.

Let the kids loose at the zoo-



Had fun with Grandpa's motorized cooler -


And had a lovely rest stop picnic on the way back to Ohio -

(Internets, I give you, Indiana!)

Coming next week? Blog posts with paragraphs!

Things I Know

1) My mom is awesome - she flew down here for two days when the kids' daycare/preschool was closed just to take care of them and then turned around and flew home.

2) I'm looking forward to seeing Straight No Chaser in concert in two weeks - my Mother's Day gift from Matt and the kids.

3) The end of school is bittersweet. I LOVE my job. I do not love waking up at 5:45 or rushing around with the kids in the evening.

4) There are more books I want to read than I could possibly hope to finish in ten lifetimes. And yet I persist in watching television.

5) I would like to give up caffeine, or at least drinking pop.

6) Kids smell nice after a bath.

7) Our dog is rather neglected these days.

8) I love my friends.

9) I have a lot to be thankful for.

10) I might work next year or I might not - either way is probably okay.

11) I have failed in spectacular fashion when it comes to blogging three times a week in May.

12) I will try again in June.

What do you know?

Look at That!

I cheated and I still didn't get three posts in last week! Oops!

Here's another quick one for tonight - a couple of shots of a sleeping Harper from last week. All I can say is that she is a girl after my own heart:






I think that's pretty much how I fall asleep most nights, though my books don't usually feature Mickey Mouse.

Cheat

Okay, so, if I'm going to get three posts in this week I have to do two tonight. Which means one of them is going to be a cheat of sorts. Here is Michael dressed up in some of Harper's gear, right down to the sandals...



He really does love his sister, especially when she isn't touching his stuff.

Little Miss Harper

One of the very hardest things about this full-time gig is that I don't have flexibility to shift my schedule around. That means I haven't gone on a single field trip or attended any special event at the kids' preschool/daycare. There are lots of great things about working on a school schedule, but flexibility isn't one of them.

On Tuesday they had a "Farewell to Fours" event/breakfast during which the children sang, there was a slide show of photos, and there was a short presentation of each child's "All About Me" poster. I know this because Matt attended and was a good sport about video taping the Harper-centric portions.

The above picture features Harper with her poster, as well as with several pieces of work from her "Clay Creations" enrichment class. I love how proud she is - never been a problem for Harper.

The poster includes details like her name, a self-portrait, a family drawing, a photo of her dressed up like a dentist (I think it's possible she just wanted to be able to stick a tongue depressor in another kid's mouth for the photo op.), and a list of wishes and favorite things.

Harper's wishes were:

1. That she was Ariel
2. That no one would throw trash on the ground
3. That no one would die

Harper's favorite things were:

1. Ariel
2. Reading a book to Mommy
3. Going to Magic Castle (a birthday party/pizza/game/mini-golf place)

Not a bad snapshot of her five-year-old self.

Here are another couple of Harper-isms from today:

When Matt went to wake her up for school this morning she said to him, while her eyes remained closed, "I'm not finished with my dream yet, but it's almost done."

As I walked into the kitchen on my way to the car Harper looked at my outfit and exclaimed, "Mommy those clothes DO NOT match!"

"That's good," I said, "Because it's mismatched day at school."

"Your school has mismatched day?"

"Yes, it's a special day."

"Well," Harper scoffed, "It isn't as special as someone's birthday."

Then as I was leaving she came to the back door and whispered to me, "Mom, what if it was mismatched day and someone's birthday?"

Man, spirit week is really gonna blow her mind in a year or two.

A Mother's Day Message

What I hope all of your children are saying to you this weekend:


In case you can't read the toy writing, I'll break it down for you (and, er, please ignore the dirty carpet). That would be:

"I"

"Love"

"You"

Hey, if the kids aren't going to pick up the toys, at least they can spell something nice with them!

???

Oh, I'm really having trouble putting things into words this evening, but I am so frustrated and discouraged right now.

We've been meeting with a new early intervention specialist to work on some of Michael's delays - mostly dealing with speech. This is a good thing, important, something I am totally behind in theory. And I really like the woman we're working with. I don't know her very well yet but I think she is good at her job and knows what she's talking about. And I don't know if it is just bad timing or me being hormonal or if Thursday night isn't a good time to meet because we're all so tired by the end of the week, but I have just felt awful after the last couple of meetings and I cannot figure out why. I can't pinpoint any specific comment or interaction or any reason at all that I should feel badly after these sessions. It doesn't make any sense and yet...

I really, really want to be on board with what she is trying to help us do with/for Michael.

This summer we are going to make some adjustments since our schedule will be much more open. Maybe some of those changes will help. It is entirely possible that it's just Thursday night and I'm tired.

I'm so in love with my children, I am just thrilled with how far Michael has come, so maybe I find these sessions discouraging because it requires focusing on all the things that need improvement rather than just celebrating who he is:


It is also possible that I'm channeling icky feelings about other things going on in our lives, in the world, etc. into this one circumstance... I don't know. I'm just glad that it's almost bedtime.

Proud Moment in a Geeky Parenthood

I don't think milestones get quite as much hype once children are past the potty-training stage. Harper has gone through a few things recently that have made me want to double-over with the shock of how old she is getting.

We hit up our local library for story time when I was on spring break and it occurred to me that Harper was probably old enough to get her very own library card. So we sat down together at a table and filled out the paperwork. Then she signed the back of her card, chose her password (for online business as well as using the self-checkout stations), and went back to the children's section to allow her to pick out books to check out with her very own card.




She even got to write her name on the back of her new library card all by herself. So proud!

We have plenty, PLENTY, of books in this house. There is no material reason that we have to visit the library. However, I feel that libraries are forces of good in the world and I want my children to grow up believing in their importance. (And then vote to support them when they are old enough to do so.) I believe by having her own library card Harper will feel, in a deeper way, that the library is there for her.

It wasn't something we did every week, but I have special memories of my dad taking us to our tiny public library in Pewaukee, Wisconsin, on Saturday mornings for Bluebug books and some quality time. I hope my children grow up with similar fond memories of our library visits.

*****

On a side-note, I think I'm going to accept Mommy Daisy's challenge to blog three times a week in May, attempting to get back in the habit before I'm off of work for the summer. Wanna join me?

Two Important Things

Whew - I can't believe this week is almost over already! Where does the time go?

First of all I want to give a huge thank you to all of you who supported us in our quest to raise money for the March of Dimes. Despite being rainy, we had a great day for a walk. At least it was warm, which I'll take over rainy and cold any day.

I am setting a new goal to grow Michael's team for next year. Don't worry, I won't bother you about joining yet. But I'd like to build a network of people raising money and walking to celebrate our miraculous boy. Stay tuned...


The walk began and ended in a nearby historical park, which us pretty cool. It is one of the places very near our house that we really don't visit often enough.

My good friend, Lesley, came from Columbus to walk with me and was a total sport about being out there in the rain. We had a great time chatting while we walked (I've known her for nearly 15 years and I learned things I never knew about her) and neither of us could believe how quickly the 3 miles passed. I will admit that I was extremely grateful not to be wrangling two children through the rainy walk this year.

In the end we raised over $1,200, yee haw!

******

Okay the second thing is completely unrelated to the first, but I just don't want to wait any longer to follow-through on a promise I made to another dear friend of mine.

Probably more than any other person I know Jen is working to make her dreams come true. She is a writer with a novel coming out in the summer of 2011 (How cool is that?) and is doing all sorts of other interesting and inspiring things to share her time and talent with the world.

With Mother's Day coming up (seriously, it's in about ten days!) it seemed like a good time to tell you about Jen's gift of Love Notes and how you could use them to spread a little love. They might make a great gift for your mom, or sister, or any friend. When you order Love Notes your recipient will receive two notes a month (for one month or more) and Jen will use the information you share to customize the notes. She really does a much better job of explaining it then I am doing here so please check out her website. Just go look around, you won't be sorry!

Thankful

From this:


To this:

To This:

Support me in supporting the March of Dimes, only one day to go, please click here.