Sunday, January 25, 2009

Disjointed

I'm feeling a little out of sync lately - in a way that's hard to explain. I think it is partially ripples from difficult times other people are going through. I think it is partially some uncertainty we've been going through lately (all is okay though, no worries). I think it is partially the state of the world and the cold of the winter and the challenge of parenting two little children without, say, a four-day rejuvenating solo retreat once a month.

It's not all bleak and doom and gloom, but it seems like the days are thick with shadows and I'm having a hard time finding my way out of them. Blah.

I feel disconnected right now. I'm having trouble keeping up with blogs, with email (a perpetual problem), with phone calls and letters. Not to mention the army of dust bunnies which now see fit to hold strategy meetings right out in the open. Or, oh help, the fortress of dirty laundry threatening to swallow us whole.

It is a motivation problem, because being connected with friends and having a reasonably clean house are things that make me feel happy, but I just can't seem to get enough of a handle on them these days to achieve the level connectedness and cleanliness that leads to happiness.

I'm in a rut.

We're facing down some changes around here - not in the next week or month, but we're trying to answer some questions about where Harper will attend school next year and whether I will return to work (hopefully, in some capacity, I will) and it seems unlikely that our family situation will look the same in, say, eight months' time. And I think that's good. Because change is never easy (and I tend to go kicking and screaming into any change) but it may be just the thing I need to get unstuck.

11 comments:

MamaK said...

I hear you- I think it's a winter thing. Even down here. Hmm- there's Valentine's Day and Micheal's bday in the next few months- maybe that's something to look forward to?!

Giselle said...

Ugh. Those daggone ruts! I had a blog about rewards that basically was the same thing. I just feel like I need something different to spice things up a bit. Which is impossible because of the weather and/or children. I have found that planning our 10 year anniversary trip help so much...a wonderful fun thing in the future to look forward to.

Good luck with all the changes ahead. I HATE big change...but ironically have done it a lot since becoming an adult. I hope you find a job that suits your situation perfectly and can give you some additional purpose and satisfaction in your life!

Nan said...

You are in good company, my friend. I just take it day by day. It will all work out, one way or the other, right? :-)

Erin said...

I miss you too, hon. And you're also feeling the bit of grief over what happened last year at this time. All those things you mentioned, on top of the simple time of year, would make it tough on anyone.

Emily said...

KELSEY! I am SO on the same page. Down. Overwhelmed. Cold. Confused. School decision (for preschool). Laundry. Dust bunnies. Only difference is instead of considering work, we're planning to move. So that's our big change for 09.
Brian and I just had a conversation last night about how to get through these times, and we're considering hiring a babysitter just so we can do some fun things, because otherwise we're stuck.

Chris said...

I could have written this exact page! I was actually composing one in my head at 2:17 am on Saturday morning...it just hasn't made it to our blog. I don't have a change on the horizon, but I think I need to find one, so keep your eyes peeled, will you please?!? At least you are not alone :)

Pam said...

Ugh. I know exactly what you mean! I think the depressing economy news every day is wearing me down and I think every day about what will happen if either of us loses our jobs. Bring on spring!

Laura said...

Is it time for another massage appointment yet?

*** AACK!! My verification word was "mouthie!" see what I get for going out on a limb for a suggestion? :-D

bluedaisy said...

All I can say is I feel your pain- probably for different reasons but I have that same "stuck" feeling. I think in the past week I've started to feel a little bit of a lift but I don't know why? Hope you get a lift soon too- in one way or another. I like Emily's "date" idea- I could use one of those right now too!!

Jen said...

If I can be of any help in the employment category, let me know. ;) I think I already told you, but it was so nice meeting you last week. We really should get the kids together when things warm up. I think Harper and Ellie would get along swimmingly.

samantha jo campen said...

I know what you mean and you're not alone. Though that doesn't help the situation, maybe it's some comfort?

Good luck with whatever changes are coming up and let me know if there's anything I can do!