In a couple of hours I will leave for Chicago, to spend the weekend with one of my best college friends. It is a final girls' weekend for the two of us before her wedding in September. I am lucky to be going at all, this weekend is the only weekend in about a five month span that I was free to travel because Matt has no basketball and can be with the children and my friend was free. I am really, really looking forward to this trip, including the several hours in the car to listen to music of my very own choosing.
Unfortunately, as I am packing and gathering this morning, Michael has been having one long drawn-out fit. I am not quite sure what his problem is because when his wailing gets sad enough that I pick him up to snuggle him he does NOT want to be snuggled. I think he just doesn't want me to be doing things other than paying attention to him - which is pretty standard one-year-old behavior, at least in these parts.
When it comes to parental preference Michael is a Daddy's boy, no question. He is very clear that he prefers Matt to me and cries (or simply pouts, on a good day) when Matt leaves for work or basketball. So I know he will be just fine this weekend with Matt. In fact, Harper keeps telling Michael what a great time he'll have this weekend, and telling me that he really won't miss me, "Because he just loves Daddy better."
Still - it breaks my heart just a little bit to leave them, even though I know I'm going to have a great time, even though I know a little break is so good for me now and then, even though I know that they will be in the capable, loving hands of their father.
I think any parent feels that tiny nagging feeling, when leaving her children for any amount of time, that something catastrophic might happen and she might never see them again. I mean, it's ridiculous and unfounded, but there it is. So I want them to know how much I love them and I'll miss them (even as I'm enjoying myself in a city a few hundred miles away) and I'll be back soon.