Friday, June 12, 2009

On My Way

In a couple of hours I will leave for Chicago, to spend the weekend with one of my best college friends. It is a final girls' weekend for the two of us before her wedding in September. I am lucky to be going at all, this weekend is the only weekend in about a five month span that I was free to travel because Matt has no basketball and can be with the children and my friend was free. I am really, really looking forward to this trip, including the several hours in the car to listen to music of my very own choosing.

Unfortunately, as I am packing and gathering this morning, Michael has been having one long drawn-out fit. I am not quite sure what his problem is because when his wailing gets sad enough that I pick him up to snuggle him he does NOT want to be snuggled. I think he just doesn't want me to be doing things other than paying attention to him - which is pretty standard one-year-old behavior, at least in these parts.

When it comes to parental preference Michael is a Daddy's boy, no question. He is very clear that he prefers Matt to me and cries (or simply pouts, on a good day) when Matt leaves for work or basketball. So I know he will be just fine this weekend with Matt. In fact, Harper keeps telling Michael what a great time he'll have this weekend, and telling me that he really won't miss me, "Because he just loves Daddy better."

Still - it breaks my heart just a little bit to leave them, even though I know I'm going to have a great time, even though I know a little break is so good for me now and then, even though I know that they will be in the capable, loving hands of their father.

I think any parent feels that tiny nagging feeling, when leaving her children for any amount of time, that something catastrophic might happen and she might never see them again. I mean, it's ridiculous and unfounded, but there it is. So I want them to know how much I love them and I'll miss them (even as I'm enjoying myself in a city a few hundred miles away) and I'll be back soon.


Hillary or Ryan said...

I so know that fear of catastrophe. Grady is visiting his grandparents today and tonight. And I find myself worrying..."What if I get into an accident? What if Grady gets into an accident"...and on and on. I think I'll always think of these things, but it's good to know that other mothers have the same thoughts. How did my parents ever let me do all the things that I've done and I know my mother thought all of those things too?!

Anonymous said...

I know what you mean about leaving them! I know it all too well considering i'm on the road about 15 - 20 weekends a year. The worst I've ever felt about leaving though was the other morning when it was Ben's 2 year birthday and he wasn't even up when left for work so i didn't get to say Happy Birthday to him first thing in the morning! It really stunk :(

But, at least you're doing something fun and good for yourself so that you're a better mom when you come back because you've had a much deserved break.

Hope you're having fun!

Kate said...

Ditto on the worrying, usually totally insane worrying on my part with elaborate scenarios of things that could happen. If we were the absolute unluckiest people on earth, that is. Anyway.

Also ditto on the daddy thing - our daycare teacher told us that our son is the only one who asks for his dad all day instead of his mom. Thanks, kid! I try not to take it personally - it is pretty sweet, after all, that he has absolute stars in his eyes for his dad.

Have a great time on your trip!

Emily said...

Have fun with Cindy!! So fun! I'm jealous! (in a good way) :)

And I'm a big worrier too. It must be a natural part of being a mommy.

Anne said...

Hope you had fun!