The Consequences

Parents face all kinds of challenges on a regular basis, not the least of which are keeping your kid alive and not pulling out all of your hair. We are currently navigating the murky water of discipline and the unreasonable toddler. Don't get me wrong, Harper is a complete doll. She is funny and intelligent and a general charmer. She is also quite headstrong and asserting her independence with every breath she takes.

Harper is old enough, and has developed enough brain power, to understand what we don't want her to do, most of the time. Unfortunately the "why" of things is still pretty lost to her. Most of the time I imagine that I must seem like a big old barrier between her and all the potential fun in the world!

Most parenting sources seem to pretty much agree that the way to deal with undesirable behavior from this age group is just to redirect the child toward a more accepted activity. I understand and agree with that, in theory, but wonder if these methods have been tested on a child as determined as mine?

Some things we try work, and some don't. Often, when we're reasonably sure she'll understand, we'll tell Harper what we want her to do (i.e. sit down, pick up the toy, step away from the stereo receiver) and then count to three. We don't count to three as a threat. It is simply a way of giving her a chance to take care of whatever it is on her own. She knows that if she hasn't cooperated by, "three," we will help her cooperate. It usually works best in situations where we want her to stop doing something. Obviously it isn't a good philosophy if she's about to run into the street or stick her hand in a blender.

Then there are times when we can simply alter the situation to take care of the problem. She won't leave the computer keyboard alone? We leave the room the computer is in. If only it were all that easy.

Last weekend we were sitting at her little table in the kitchen, coloring. Harper is still mastering the physical properties of the crayon and the crayons often roll off the table. I have tried placing the crayons in many different types of containers and she always insists on taking them all out and placing them on the table, where they roll. She is now physically capable of getting down off the little chair to pick the crayons up herself. The down side to this is that Harper will occasionally pick a crayon up and then run to color on something in the kitchen. Saturday it was the oven. Fortunately the washable crayon wipes off just about anything. After a stern reminder that we only color ON THE PAPER, I handed Harper a wet paper towel and set her about cleaning the oven. Which she did.

Never mind that I had to clean it again later to get the little fingerprints off. If she's old enough to color on the oven, she's old enough to understand she's responsible for cleaning it up.



I don't believe she colored on the floor, but she was having so much fun cleaning, she did a little of that, too.

Harper's happy wiping-down of several other kitchen surfaces had me thinking about punishment, discipline, consequences, etc. If she's having fun cleaning it up, did she learn anything? On the other hand, is the point of cleaning it punishment (which, in theory, isn't fun) or to learn the logical consequence of her behavior? Did I just encourage her to color on the oven in the future so she can enjoy cleaning it?

Part of me thinks that I probably over-think a lot of these things. I try to avoid reading materials that start me worrying that everything down to the volume at which I breath will influence Harper's chance to be a happy and successful person. We try to maintain our clam and do what feels right for our family. I suppose the most important part is that Harper knows we love her, and that is something I feel 100% confident about.